Intruder

Before I begin, let me make it clear that I am a serious film critic. I take cinema very, very serious. It is my only passion, and for that reason alone it is my whole life. Like any normal film fan, I appreciate a good action thriller once in a while. Of course, I don't stand for any old witless piece of celluloid: I'm talking solid, well directed action pieces. And so it is that I recomend the 1986 techno-thriller 'The Intruder', directed by action maestro Jopi Burnama. This is his 'Citizen Kane'. It is a action masterpiece of such adept style and class, I am bewildered that it never recieved a) critical acclaim b)recognition c) public adulation or e)a wide theatrical release. Let me tell you more... We begin with the leading man, Peter O'Brian a.k.a Rambu. Peter is an actor of such subtle craftsmanship and charasmatic magnitude that he literally blows the screen apart. You find yourself unable to take your eyes of his stunning phyique and unable to process his acting chops. He is magnificent in this, his first leading role. Brian is ably supported by the great Craig Gavin (as the evil John Smith) and the sultry Dana Christina. The opening pre-credit set piece is quite simply explosive (when was the last time you saw gangster befowled by a flying outspan orange?). Rambu has the uncanny and envious ability to turn your average citrus fruit into a boomerang-like killing device. It is a credit to actor Brian that he did all his own orange throwing, no double was employed. The glorious mid section set-piece when Rambu takes on the entire Columbian drugs cartel using only a three wheeled golf cart is astounding. Never before has one man made 6 miles-per-hour seem so hair-raising. And so to the dynamic climax, where Rambu wears a belt. He also hits a filing cabinet with a lamp, then proceeds to kiss the wall. It is a show stopper that brings to mind the climax from Joseph Lai's 1988 opus Platoon Warriors, starring Mike Abbott and Mark Watson. Although this film lacks the pace of Godfrey Ho's masterpiece, it passes the time perfectly. If you can track this underated gem down, watch it. It could change your life*.

*Probably won't. At all.

Of all the films I have ever seen, this film is the one i treasure the most. Full of action and drama, violence and sex, shootings, fistfights, three wheeled scooters and mopeds, bad guys, bad actors... It even has a stuntman getting killed eight times (the dude with the white hat - he gets run over by a car, shot, blown up - you name it). Starring Peter O'Brian as Rambu, and directed by the famous Punjabi brothers (Punjabi, Punjabi and Punjabi), our story opens up with a couple of goons (Charlie and Harry) driving recklessly down a pebble road. You hear the scream of tyres and a sound reminiscent of 200 pounds of dead meat hitting something solid... an old farmer woman picks up her stuff and Charlie yells "Watch where you're going bitch!" "I WAAAAAS" she replies. "Naah... women are all the same... think you can getaway with bullshitting me!" and at this point our hero emerges, a Sylvester Stallone lookalike with big ears. I must say he does actually look a lot like Sylvester Stallone... could it be his cousin ? I don't know, Bu he sure knows how to throw a tennis ball. He manages to kick the two moronic bad guys asses with this ball - it returns to Rambus hand every time he throws it like a sticky booger to your finger.

When the goons tries to escape in their car, Rambu foils their plan by hitting Charlie in the forehead with this ball, resulting in the car going down the ditch and bursting into fire. AND THIS IS JUST THE OPENING SCENE! I cannot do this film justice, YOU HAVE TO SEE IT! I have seen it more than 30 times and i still love it. I still discover new errors and details that i somehow missed earlier. From Rambus big ears to Charlies overgrown mustache, mopeds going so slow the riders can hardly keep the balance (filmed in slow motion so Rambu can do some acrobatic kicks and punches), nude scenes with below average oriental females (except one), to awful effects and terrible dubbing... Somehow it all makes sense when you see it. See this film - you wont regret it!

This sets the standard for all other B-Movies and contains everything: great action, amazingly funny dubbing, dubious script continuity, characters who influence the plot but don't actually appear in the film, an outstanding soundtrack and super evil villains. Rather than attempt to sum up this Herculean effort by the likes of Peter O'Brian and Craig Gavin, I've listed the main 10 things that this film has taught me:

1) The best way to pressure people is to kidnap their young and beautiful daughter. 2) Random Australian soap stars may appear during battle scenes. 3) You shouldn't store the only things you own in a basket, they will be destroyed. 4) Lead pipes are often supplied at dinner evenings should you wish to destroy the tables. 5) If you're the hero, it's fine to allow the villain to shoot at you from point blank range before whistling for assistance as it's likely the gun will be unloaded. 6) Don't be alarmed, the sound of footsteps may continue even after you sit down. 7) "Why?" is a perfectly reasonable response to questions regarding your constant involvement in other people's problems. 8) In the space of 24hrs following the brutal murder of your wife, it is fine to start pulling other woman and also 24 hours is about the time it takes between meeting someone and declaring that they're "like a father" to you. 9) If your name is Bobby and you have a very minor role as the Hero's friend, there's a very good chance you'll die. 10) Always inform people that they've cut you when they attack you with a knife, this may not be clear to them.

Watch this! You won't be disappointed!!

The Stabilizer himself, Peter O'Brian (sans the tight perm this time around) pops up here in another pretty wacky Indonesian action epic.

This time around our man is Rambu and yes, you've guessed it, his character isn't exactly a million miles away in resemblance to a certain Hollywood movie icon….

Cue plenty of hilariously sped up, ferocious fight scenes, a rather bizarre motorbike vs Autorickshaw battle(!), an explosion packed finale and atrocious acting, dubbing and voice over work throughout and you end up with this minor bad movie classic.

Certainly it starts off excellently (the opening scene is a classic!) and ends on a high (not to mention explosive!) note but to be honest, the main bulk of the film is a less than engaging affair despite the glowing reviews many other ostensibly easily excitable folk on here are bestowing upon it.

For fellow connoisseurs of cinematic craptaculars, it's certainly worth a look but it has to be said, is nowhere near as much fun as the utterly demented spectacle that marks as Arizal's ultimate masterpiece, namely the hilarious Final Score.