Shane

SHANE has to be one of the worst sitcoms of all time. Skinner is about as funny as a hangover on a hot day. Is that how to write a sitcom, just line up a load of schoolboy one-liners and attempt to write them into the dialogue. Who are the executives at ITV who commission such dire rubbish and why are they still employed.

It is bad when we have to suffer such bad attempts at comedy but ITV always end up with the BBC and Channel 4 "has beens" although in Frank's case a "never was". But good luck to Skinner for front, he certainly has no artistic pride in whatever he seems to be invoved in, he may be a decent bloke but as a comedian and writer he stinks.

The trade descriptions people should prosecute Frank Skinner and the ITV producers for stealing prime time entertainment slots. If Skinner and ITV had got their comedy timing right, SHANE would have gone out at 2am in the morning so as to ensure a bit of sleep for the insomniacs.

Well there's only other actually, called Blue heaven. There's a lot of snobbery in some of the comments made here about this programme. It does NOT claim to be the most original thing since sliced bread. Those who say there is no real plot are correct. It is a bit on the crude side BUT it is really really funny and appeals to my simple sense of humour. Conffession time....Frank comes from my part of the world and supports the same football team. I do, however, like all of his programmes and this is no exception. It is NOT an all time classic, but like someone else has commented I like way a joke continues throughout the episode. I also really like the episode when he has the night vision goggles.

This new Sitcom written by and starring Chris Collins (Frank Skinner), is a breath of fresh air from ITV (especially after that awful show "The impressionable Jon Culshaw"). It seems that a new series of "The Frank Skinner Show" will not emerge this year, but I found this as equally entertaining in it´s place. The first episode was aired last night, and I watched it today on video. I thought it was written well, and loved the way every gag fit into place. Congratulations Frank, on producing another fine 30 minutes of television (if only it were longer!!) P.S. I loved the six cents joke. Classic Skinner !!!!

I don't usually have the strength to complain about ITV1's output. I figure it is a commercial station with a large, loyal mainstream audience and that mine would be a solitary dissenting voice among the legions of Coronation Street and Robson Green aficionados. As long as my license fee does not contribute to the pap it habitually produces, I am happy to simply steer well clear. However, occasionally a programme enters my radar that is so bad, I feel obliged to speak out. Shane is one such programme. I consider myself an apathetic slob when it comes to spleen-venting – usually a shake of the head and some mild tutting is all I can muster when something gets my goat. If I'm really cross, I might be moved to change the channel. But if the BBC had the audacity to commission drivel like this, I would have half a mind to right a stiff letter to the Director General demanding my money back.

Despite it not being my cup of tea, I have the utmost admiration for ITV viewers. Anybody with the mental fortitude to regularly sit through Heartbeat and Emmerdale and actually enjoy them deserves credit, but they are being made mugs of here. Funnily enough, I actually quite like Frank Skinner. With the right format and a warm audience he can be genuinely entertaining. Fantasy Football League made him a household name, but before that, he was a successful stand-up in his own right. Good for him, but, memo to ITV executives: That does not mean he can act or write sit-coms. Skinner should have had the sense to look at previous examples of stars who have signed exclusive 'Golden Handcuffs' deals with ITV (Des Lynam and Ross Kemp, for example) – it is professional suicide.

I can just imagine the embarrassing fawning and ego massaging that must go on at ideas meetings: 'Wow, Frank – a sit-com? Great idea – we'll give you carte blanche. A taxi driver, you say? Brilliant! I know, you can even sing the theme song! This is going to be amazing!'

Actually, it isn't amazing. It is quite, quite awful. Skinner's forte has always been his risqué gags but here he is hampered by ITV's cosy family reputation so most of those are out of the question. Instead the smut is masked by hackneyed Carry On style innuendo. Unfortunately, as turns it turns out, the risqué gags are about all Frank has in his locker and in any sit-com, if the comedy is lacking then the situation had better be pretty damn impressive. Here, it is about as criminally unoriginal as it is possible to be: A rude, neglectful husband; a good-hearted wife (quirkily attractive, but still suitably mousy and put-upon); A rebellious teenage daughter; A younger smart-alec son; A local pub with buxom bar-maid. I won't go on – you get the picture. In the one episode I watched, the only discernible purpose of the other characters was to act as stooges, spoon-feeding Skinner his punch-lines. Any merit the jokes may have had to begin with is mercilessly siphoned off by the clunking, contrived set up:

Baz (to barmaid): I'll have a Coke, please.

Shane (to barmaid): I'll have a pint of Cider

Baz: 'Ere Shane, your daughter's over there with her new fella

Barmaid: Ice and lemon?

Shane: In Cider??

Baz: No, I think they're just talking

'There must be something better than this,' Skinner laments in his whining, Elvis-Costello-wannabe, West Midlands drawl during the title sequence. My advice to viewers is to take his word for it and switch to Channel 5.

This is dreadful. How much further can Skinner fall? I thought he was one of the funniest people in Britain at the time of Fantasy Football and his live shows of that era. His "chat" show saw him going soft and buddying up to cretinous b-grade celebs, and now this...

Basically, it's his stand-up act CRAMMED into a sitcom format. The other characters exist merely to mouth strange convoluted non-sequiturs which we then realize are the feed-lines for Frank's "gags". All they're short of is a red flag and a bullhorn to shout "INCREDIBLY PALLID JOKE COMING!"

There's misogyny, homophobia, a script so weak you feel like asking it to have a lie-down, and acting performances that would be embarrassing in a school play. (Re Frank's Family: Memo to sitcom writers - KIDS CAN'T ACT! Get it through your thick skulls!)

The son is particularly aggravating - one of those kids that only exist in TV land, always making with the pithy one-liners, delivered deadpan but with a peculiar squint, like his shoes are pinching or something.

Frank, get back to basics. ITV seem to be trying to get rid of this stinker as quickly as possible (three episodes on consecutive nights this week) - Frank should follow suit and do what he does best.