Satan's Schoolgirls

If you just HAVE to watch a bad modern-day, shot-on-video "horror" movie, this is a good choice because it is chock-full of voluptuous naked goth chicks (who are not even remotely believable as "schoolgirls", so don't worry about that). This movie, bad as it was, kind of got the taste out of my mouth of this other SOV "horror" movie I unfortunately saw recently ("The Telling") that was chock-full of NON-naked Playboy centerfolds/"reality stars" trying very unsuccessfully to "act". (Of course, then I saw a pretty good modern-day horror movie called "House of the Devil" that got the taste of BOTH of these out of my mouth).

The main star of this is Suzi Lorraine, an American actress who now writes for "Gorezone" magazine in the UK. Amazing, Lorraine is a "scream queen" who does not ever take her clothes off (as if the ones who do take their clothes of aren't insufferable enough). She's the best actress here though (not that that's in any way a compliment). She plays the new teacher. The "schoolgirls" number only about five because they flunked (judging from their age at least ten times)and are attending "summer school". They pass their time dancing half naked, taking long showers, having lesbian sex, and spanking each other (I'm personally a sucker for voluptuous goth strippers/ridiculously over-aged "schoolgirls" spanking each other).

And then there's the plot. Ha! Ha! Ha!--that's a good one. It's some kind of satanic nonsense-- fuggedaboutit. This is kind of like a much bigger-budgeted movie I saw a year or so ago called "5ive Girls", but with less plot to get in the way of the showers, spanking, and lesbian sex. If you have nothing better to do, you might check this out

I didn't know what to expect from this very low budget made for video production from Ted Crestview / Terry West's Plausible Denial Productions. Despite its limited budget and shot-on-video pedigree, this movie is a lot of fun and manages to be more than a sum of its parts.

Starting with one of the most hilariously comic masturbation scenes ever (involving a priest and his bizarre turn-ons, one of which is a certain George W), "Satan's Schoolgirls" sets out its stall early. It's a taboo-breaking piece but all in the best possible taste.

The absolutely stunning (and I don't say this lightly) Suzi Lorraine plays Sister Helen, whose interests in the schoolgirls of the "Saint Anyway School for Wayward Girls" are far from healthy, and J.Scott Green plays Father Thomas. Green is an interesting actor - a hybrid of Jim Carrey and Clint Eastwood. His performance is solid and he's fun to watch.

The schoolgirls in question are thankfully played by B-movie actresses. Their interests in extra-curriculum activities proves interesting and gives actor T.J. Glenn the opportunity to strut his comic stuff as the lawnboy.

This is an amusing film that aims to amuse, titillate and surprise the viewer. Whilst not being 100% successful, it's a fun film and worth watching as part of a late-night double-bill in the comfort of your favourite armchair, equipped with beer, nibbles and a good sense of humour.