The Portal

From the moment the film opens to its ending credits, the soundtrack never stops. Possibly the director thought the endless cacophony of strings and wind instruments would lend some flair to this uninspired epileptic mess, but it only managed to give me a headache. It took me 3 sittings to make it through this drabfest, not necessarily because it was bad (it was) but because of the never-ending soundtrack.

As to the movie ? A nurse and her (hot) male colleague (the only reason this got a 1/10) investigate the bizarre head-exploding death of a former patient. As they meet the relatives of the victim, a couple of other heads explode and ghost children emerge from a black painting looking like a fuzzy B&W TV screen, probably because they are the key to this exploding-head mystery, but you'll never know, because by the time the movie reaches its pitiful climax, the music gets so obtrusive that you can't hear anything Michael Madsen says before he starts laughing hysterically and his head explodes. The poor nurse is now into hysterics and you will be too, unless you pop a Cuprofen.

They have a movie. A full length, 90 minute movie. Then why are all the actors acting like they are auditioning for soap operas? I was able to watch 27 minutes. Boring. Seen on Tubi, the free streaming site, which unfortunately, has too many movies like this dog.

Trust me, there's nothing in the portal you would ever want to see. Do you like horror films? Were you tempted by the mention of Michael Madsen in the cast list? That was how they got me to sit through this. Big mistake. The film looks like it was shot in the nineteen seventies with a budget that's been drummed up by a guy walking round collecting change in a slightly stained hat. Oh, and Michael Madsen is barely in it. He was better in Celebrity Big Brother.

The Portal has bad acting, awful computer generated special effects (were they rendered on a ZX Spectrum?), terrible dialogue, stupid camera angles and looks cheaper than something made for cable TV (bypassing even a straight-to-DVD release).

Some films are so bad they're good (Demons or Starcrash, for example). This one is just bad, bad, bad - seriously, save yourself an hour and a half and watch the shopping channel instead (the prices of those gold bracelets are a damn sight scarier than anything in the Portal).

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I can't believe that this movie had a budget of $3,500,000, $3.50 would be more believable, it doesn't even have the redeeming quality of being "so bad it is good"...

First the acting is completely forced and so obviously false that you really do get the feeling that you are watching a really low budget 70's - 80's Porno movie without the fleshy bits, the acting is not so much wooden as petrified...

Secondly I get the feeling that this was directed by a 8 year old kid in the way that it bumbles along...

Thirdly if the 8 year old directed it then their 5 year old sibling wrote the script...

The cinematography was also about the level of a really poorly made porno with some sort of wedding video editing effects whenever the female lead goes into one of her weird daydream flashback recollection type things...

This is a stinker of the highest order and could only be rescued from the wastebin of history by the intervention of the rifftrax guys who could at least add a comical commentary to this dire drivel...

This movie is worth spending an hour and a half to watch. Don't let the title and the horror category hinder. It almost hindered me, but I watched to catch Michael Muhney in the film. However, I didn't see him in the movie, I'm still glad I viewed it. The storyline was quite unique. In a nutshell without giving away any of the plot, it spells mystery, anonymity, vagueness, ambiguity and secrecy, but it pulls you right in from the beginning surrounded by fog and that uncertainty aspect. The acting is good and believable, especially the three lead actors; and the sets are believable. However, I didn't like the unclear details about the leader mission. I enjoyed so much, I plan to rent it and watch it on my big screen TV.