Platoon of the Dead

The only good thing about this "movie" is that it ends. There isn't anything worth calling acting, the dialogue is all sorts of awful, the effects are somehow worse than anything from movies of decades past, and it's clear not much research was done into the uniforms. Lt. Roberts has hair (and facial hair) that are way against any guidelines except for those in a Tresseme commercial. The worst offense? That they even remotely tried to pass off Star Wars toy-replica blasters as real weapons. Even in terms of needing "futuristic" weapons this is just embarrassing.

This movie is proof that anyone with a couple of friends and a camera can make a movie someone's willing to stream. There are better zombie-military movies on *certain* websites. At least those have a little bit of a plot. Don't waste your time on this trash.

Platoon of the Dead at time of writing presently has an astonishingly low 1.8 rating. If it had more ratings it would be finding itself in the IMDB bottom 100 movies, but it's obscurity is saving it from that fate.

It tells the story of three soldiers who seek refuge in a house hiding from an undead army.

Zombies? Yes, but not traditional. These can speak, melt, use weapons and are just seven shades of terrible really.

The film is incredibly poorly made, from the uniforms to the embarassing laser guns, the sound effects and everything inbetween. For the most part it was a chore to watch.

The cast are an odd bunch, bad put bareable and a host of weird lookalikes. One guy is the spitting image of Henry Rollins, a girl who looks just like Jennifer Tilly and the lead soldier resembles Korns Jonathan Davis.

It has sprinklings of entertainment and I don't believe it deserves the terrible rating. Make no mistake though this is still pretty dire and a demonstration of what not to do when making a movie.

The Good:

Ariauna Albright

The Bad:

Those guns, really!?

Dumb sound effects

Some atrocious acting

Things I Learnt From This Movie:

Holding mobile phones upside down is standard military procedure

I was just waiting for the lead soldier to start singing Freak on a Leash

From the low quality camera work, hammy acting, ridiculous props, awful script, ludicrously bad effects, and stupid plot, you might think, "Man, this is a terrible movie." But no, what makes this movie so bad is much, much more than this. What really makes this movie so unbearable is the fact the film makers know that they suck, and revel in it. They make a mockery of the war movie genre, the zombie genre (both of which I am a huge fan of), and a mockery of amateur film makers. The only bright spots of the movie are the end, and some of the lines in the script that actually show the makers put some effort into writing the movie. However, even these well-written parts are lost on the actors, and in the end get delivered with the same derisive, poorly-timed, poorly-emoted effort as the rest of the film. All in all, a thoroughly terrible movie.

Within the first couple of minutes, you know what you're going to get. A soldier is yelling on his radio, well that's what I first thought, until in frustration, he moves it away from the side of his head showing it to be an actual mobile phone. He had me fooled with the radio lingo. But the icing on the cake, the phone was upside down. *Head slap*. Yep, this was a sign for things to come. Actually thinking about it, maybe, that's how it's done in the future (in a zombie post-apocalypse), as we do get lasers. Nah, who am I kidding.

"PLATOON OF THE DEAD" is a penniless SOV enterprise with home movie production values, second-hand decors, somebody's raw meat, eyeliner and peanut butter. So any sense of any authenticity goes out the window. At times it can be enjoyable, in an undemanding frame of mind, in what feels like "EVIL DEAD" meets "NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD". That's premise-wise, not directorial execution.

A platoon is ambushed in the woods by a zombie platoon (with pasty looking make-up hiding behind gas masks), but a couple of ragtag soldiers managed to escape, where they hold up in a lodge along with its occupants. I just found once the action becomes stationary in one location, it tends to drag. Little happens, as everyone holds up in a house, simply chatting, or arguing and sometimes wrestling (which looks more like hugging). This only highlights the monotonous developments, poorly staged action (playing soldiers with toy guns smartly turned into lasers) and wooden performances.

The only spoiler that I will give out is that this movie is so bad that it will make you sick.

This is by far one of the worst "horror" films you will ever watch guaranteed. You know how there are those movies that you know are going to be bad, but you watch it anyway and think "well, that wasn't so bad".... this isn't that movie, trust me. The acting, script, directing, production, and dare I say "special effects" were deplorable and embarrassing. While the plot was interesting, the movie itself was a big let down. The script itself was probably the movies major downfall, that and the fact there was NO climax at any point of the movie. I will never get this wasted time in my life back. Just don't do it, walk away from this one...Run for your very life.