The Son

My 17 year old done committed suicide 3 years ago. The storyline matches my experience almost exactly. Although I'm hard working, not all hard working fathers are from wealthy backgrounds or high powered jobs. Suicide can happen to any family. The exasperation depicted by the parents was spot on. Hugh Jackman's character tried kind dad, understanding dad, hard dad etc. As I did (with help from parental counselling). I saw bad reviews of the sons acting. Totally disagree - he said little, went for long walks, avoided school in exactly the same way my son did and he totally looked the part. The story was very well researched. The doctors line "sometimes love is not enough" said much. The son pleading to leave hospital was him pleading to die. The happiness in the moments before suicide was the happiness of escaping pain. I've seen it. Mental health remains so poorly understood, and it likely always will. But the signs of suicide I've since learnt can follow a pattern. The film captures it all. Top marks for having the courage to make this film and for sure it's not for everyone. Finally, I saw a review saying Jackman's character was failing badly as a father. I've talked now to many people whose family had experienced suicide. And all did their best. I'd stick up for all of them.

I'll address the first thing that I see on the negative reviews: Zen McGrath as Nicholas does not "sell" it. I thought the same thing as I was watching the movie, he never brought me in, he was hard to read, he had a smirk that threw me off, a little smile that was hard to decipher, he seemed sarcastic and out of it, I never felt his pain... but after days of thinking about this film this is what I realized:

Teenage kids are hard to read.

That is the whole point.

I am a parent of a 15 year old boy and this movie shook me to my core. It really did. The parents couldn't read the boy (much like I feel most of the time), they went with what they saw from him and trusted that gut feeling vs what professionals were telling them, they trusted the memories they had as though those represented who the boy was now, they trusted their own desire for things to normalize, they trusted the good moments, they went with the unmistakable desire that "things will be ok". They let those desires take the wheel.

This is Hugh Jackman's best performance to date as a parent desperate for things to be ok as he dealt with his own issues of being a son himself, he wanted to avoid being a monster... not realizing that being a friend wasn't the solution.

X.

It felt personal somehow, when thinking of myself in all their places. It is so hard and devastating. I sometimes see that look in my father's eyes, and sometimes in my mother's or my sister's, sometimes I have these mixed feelings and the deep conviction that I don't desire to keep on living, but I don't know how anyone else can survive this, anyone else that's similar to Nicholas. Such a real and painful movie. I don't know why it touched me so deep, and why it made me cry so hard, it felt too personal. And it makes you think, what can anyone do really? What can we do, and is it anyone's fault?

Whether or not this is about behavior, due to some degree of mental illness, both parents and step-mother, especially the father, seem completely out of touch with their son's very real and obvious psychiatric and emotional problems to the degree of appearing themselves part of the problem, if not even the trigger of the escalation.

But I am not sure what the movie was telling us? Somewhere between script, direction and editing the whole thing got either diluted to indecisiveness of message, or confusion about the moral we were supposed to walk away with.

Even the actors seemed confused as to how they were supposed to deliver their parts.

It could be argued that real life is like that, but I've had 64 years of it and I would disagree.

The kid had real psychiatric issues and he was even explaining them to his parents, who were competitive go-getters by nature and they seemed to be in total denial of their son's reality.

I think the movie was a good idea badly executed.

I don't know much about depression but I do know how people react to it if someone close to them have it. Florian Zeller may not have presented how accurate acute depression is but his depiction of characters around a person suffering from it is near perfect.

The Son works for me more than The Father because it relies very little on subtext and the story is out there in the open. Hugh Jackman gives his career best performance as a role of a successful person but an absent father. There are criticisms of how the movie does not empathize with Nicholos but I didn't feel it that way. I felt it was rather accurate because of how less most of us understand what depression is actually is. Most of the times, people think "it's just in your head" or "move forward" are actual solutions to depression.

The scene where Hugh Jackman fights with his son was spectacular and shows us how much we are like our dads. Hopkins appears in just one scene but that single scene shows the irony of Jackman's character. The ending was absolutely devastating and very brave. The Son is one of the very films which worked very well for me despite it's not so favourable general public reception.