Megaboa

This is going to be difficult without using a few choice four letter words, so instead... Do Not Bother. If you decide to venture on in, prepare yourself for a crap ride of bad acting and life choices.

Strictly for those die-hards of a disposition to enjoy snake thrills (also some spider thrills). Bigger than Titanoboa, that's a Megaboa! Don't look for subtlety or nuance, just lots of schlock snake fun.

"Megaboa" only eats males?

Is that the influence of left wing culture, or the producers weren't able to hire a female performer willing to get eaten by the CGI ?

And if your reading reviews on this, yeah, standard Asylum quality, but hey, the dialog is clean, no Nolan Mumblecore here, just screams and squeals between the exposition.

Megaboa" is a pretty by-the-numbers creature feature, you know the usual drill. Cardboard characters walk through the woods because you can film without permits there, get eaten, people mourn for about ten seconds and on to the next one. This movie doesn't stray much from that formula, and would be unremarkable if it wasn't for the Eric Roberts material.

Roberts is in this movie a lot more than I expected, actually. Usually B-movies like this just get him for a day and keep him in one location to get their name actor footage as quickly and cheaply as possible. There's a lot of talk about famous people phoning in performances, but Roberts often does that literally. His 'characters' in creature features are actually authority figures (generals, federal agents, things like that) that spend all their screen time speaking on the phone or through a headset. Just to see him in the same shot as the other characters was pretty shocking to me.

The best part of this movie is how laid-back his character is while there's a megaboa devouring everyone. I don't know if he had weed on him but geez, he doesn't care at all! He looks at drone footage of a gigantic, agressive snake like he's watching "Blue's Clues". My students are about to die? Ah, they've probably had a good life. His Southern drawl and big white smile just add to the fun. Did I mention he's in a lawn chair for much of the movie? And hell, a snake eating people will never not be entertaining, even with dollar store CGI and a truly anti-climactic ending. I guess I... recommend it?

Terrible acting, casting, directing and script but the worst was the 1970"s cartoon quality special affects of a 200+ foot snake with all the actors claiming it was "50 to 60 feet". You could make a better jungle thriller with actual college students in a park with a rubber snake and filmed on iphones. Probably the only redeeming quality of this film is the great drone shots of bare wilderness but you can easily skip through this one in under 10 minutes without missing any plot or thrills.