Amityville: Maison des horreurs

Right, well I have to admit that I wasn't exactly harboring the biggest of expectations to this 2023 horror movie titled "The Amityville Curse", given the fact that the many "Amityville" movies, since the original and the remake, have been utter rubbish. Yet, I still opted to sit down and give the movie a fair chance.

And sure, I managed to sit through all 90 minutes of the movie, though I was only slightly entertained. Yeah, the storyline in "The Amityville Curse", as written by Dennis Heaton and Hans Holzer, wasn't exactly the best of storylines, nor the most thrilling either. Sure, it was watchable for what it turned out to be, but it was by no means a great movie.

The acting performances in "The Amityville Curse" were fair enough. There was only a single performer on the screen that I was familiar with, and that was Brendan Fehr, and he was hardly in the movie.

Visually then you're not in for anything grand. The movie does make use of special effects, but they are not impressive, nor among the worst of effects I have seen in movies.

All in all, then "The Amityville Curse", from director Éric Tessier, was a bland movie that came and went without leaving much of any noise. It is a movie that is very easily forgotten within a short time after having seen it. And it is essentially just another "Amityville" run-of-the-mill movie, that is nowhere near the level of the original or the remake.

My rating of director Eric Tessier's 2023 movie "The Amityville Curse" lands on a generous four out of ten stars.

A year or so ago, I decided to binge watch all the Amityville Horror films, or that is, the related-type films to that 1979 original that I could remember seeing in video stores back in the day and find those same movies that went directly to videocassette in that amazing era of the late 1980s through the 1990s.

These were the films that never went to the theater, and were never intended to do so.

Oh, they were all stupid. Every single one of them. All found mostly on the fantastic channel of Tubi (Love Tubi!) All films weak as expected, not scary, with bad story, and mostly poor performances, but still charming in a way with young, up and coming actors, or older actors just trying to stay busy or relevant. I even watched the 1990 version with the exact same title as here, and another version about a haunted lamp, yes, haunted lamp (Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes) it was by and far the worst, and yet neither of these films were close to as bad as this.

This is awful.

Miserable.

It's boring.

Bad acting.

Worse editing. (In the beginning, I couldn't tell if they were moving in or out)

It's bright. Yes, bright. The whole movie is way too lit (and not in a good way!) You can tell they were probably filming at night but blasting in spotlights through the windows to make it look like daytime.

People die unexpectedly and horrifically and none of the characters are frantically trying to reach emergency services or call anybody. Where's law enforcement? Family members and relatives afterwards? A funeral?

The human relationships are unbelievable, from friends to roommates to lovers. There is no chemistry amongst any of the parties involved.

Hey, I know this is low to no budget and it's Amityville #376, but that still doesn't exclude all of the above crimes if not transgressions.

As a matter of fact, this is where those little things like believability and emotional investment could have flourished here on screen.

In searching for this new title of this long, long, longtime franchise, unbelievably (maybe not so unbelievably) I came across other, more intriguing titles than this, such as Amityville Karen (Yes.), and Amityville in Space (Also, a definitive yes.) So, skip this chapter, either watch the 1990 film of the same title (which is so bad, it's good-this is just plain bad-there's a difference!), or watch one of these more interestingly titled recent productions.

We all know this infinite trail of silly sequels will never terrify as the original did.

But this 2023 Amityville Curse is not a horror film, and should you describe it as such to your friends in discussions, when mentioning horror, please place it in air quotes.

I will also note here that I would gladly contribute to any group funding of a future production of Amityville Karen In Space.

This film essentially begins with several friends buying the infamous Amityville house with the intention of renovating it in their spare time to resell afterward for a hefty profit. At least, that is their plan. What none of them count on, however, is the nightmares that begin to occur the very first night they stay there--or the strange deaths that occur immediately afterward. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this remake of the 1990 film was actually a little bit better than the first for a couple of basic reasons. For starters, the writing was a bit more polished. Additionally, the characters were a bit more likeable as well. Of course, that isn't saying much since the none of the characters in the first film were really that likeable to begin with. Where the film suffers, in my opinion, is due to the overall lack of suspense which is almost critical to a horror movie of this type. That being said, while I certainly don't consider this to be a terribly bad film overall, it's not something that impressed me that much either--and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

I think this is Tubi's effort to prove with a minimal amount of investment that they could make an Amityville film that is still waaaay better than the majority of Amityville cr@pfests that are out there, a lot of them currently in the Tubi roster themselves.

The gore wasn't bad, the blood was the right colour, the special effects were low grade... however, it would have been nice if they made one that isn't a reboot of one of the 'canon' films... even for the sake of parody, like "The Amityville Diaper" or "The Amityville EV" or "The Amityville POTUS"...

and i think anyone who gives this a really low score has not seen any or many of the other mockbusters that continue to be churned out.

The main characters fan girl over the lore and history of the house, taking away from unexpected terror. We know exactly what to expect with this movie. There is no build up to the suspense and you can expect supernatural occurrences at the start of the film. The story takes too long to really tell us any significant background on the group of friends to get us to like them enough to care about their pending demise. When the spooky stuff begins, it's more childs play with no direction. It's jump scare after jump scare. The CGI is very low quality and I feel like there were things they could have done practically with the use of effects makeup.