Amityville: Maison des horreurs

Another Tubi original that fails to entertain or keep me watching the movie. Struggled to get through the hour and a half running time. Actors don't do a great job, the director doesn't do a great job, and the writers didn't do a great job. Starting to lose hope that there are any originals on Tubi that aren't z level schlock.

Giving the film two stars, which is kind of harsh but I'm getting burned by too many shoddy films. I force myself to sit through them in the hopes that something will shift later on. That almost never happens. If a movie is riding on an old actor or a popular name for people to fork over their time, it's never worth that time.

No surprise this is another hopeless instalment of the schlocky Amityville Horror movie series. The first one from 1979 is far superior than the rest, but that's not exactly a compliment. Granted, for its time it had good points but it didn't work for me like Halloween or The Exorcist. This one, Amityville Curse actually starts off ok. I liked how they took the pus out of the story and just went off on a different tangen and at least tried to offer something different. The dialogue and acting were ticking more boxes than not for the first 45, but after that, the whole thing crashes down the chimney and the staircase into the red hellgate basement room.

The Amityville franchise has always been an "also ran." This movie really showcases why this series is largely ignored. While the idea of a haunted house with a disturbing legacy is a trope, this production is marred by far more weaknesses.

The cast is merely "ok." The characters are a bit of an odd mix of semi-obnoxious to bland. All-told, no character is engaging or memorable - and I'm including the house itself as a character! This movie rests on the laurels of previous history and films, as a kind of narrative shortcut. The dark past of the house is only casually referenced, so viewers are expected to see "the house" as a credible threat by virtue of the other films or folklore.

Once past the opening sequence, the film plods about. The majority of the early chills come from poorly executed jump scares; namely things falling off shelves. A few ghostly whispers are oddly explicit, the words are crystal clear, and just a bit too well-spoken. Rather than conveying vague suggestions or even indecipherable murmurs, the whispers deliver Scrabble-worthy vocabulary.

The special effects are laughable. I am usually quite forgiving of SFX that are restricted by a paltry budget. In the case of "Curse," the money was not well-spent. The ghostly presences are distractingly poorly depicted.

All told, this film is just incompetent. It's not able to build a necessary sense of dread or mystery about the House. The cast are uninteresting, and the chills are poorly executed all around. While the Amityville franchise has never been particularly strong, this entry is a straight-up waste of your time.

This film essentially begins with several friends buying the infamous Amityville house with the intention of renovating it in their spare time to resell afterward for a hefty profit. At least, that is their plan. What none of them count on, however, is the nightmares that begin to occur the very first night they stay there--or the strange deaths that occur immediately afterward. Now, rather than reveal any more, I will just say that this remake of the 1990 film was actually a little bit better than the first for a couple of basic reasons. For starters, the writing was a bit more polished. Additionally, the characters were a bit more likeable as well. Of course, that isn't saying much since the none of the characters in the first film were really that likeable to begin with. Where the film suffers, in my opinion, is due to the overall lack of suspense which is almost critical to a horror movie of this type. That being said, while I certainly don't consider this to be a terribly bad film overall, it's not something that impressed me that much either--and I have rated it accordingly. Slightly below average.

A year or so ago, I decided to binge watch all the Amityville Horror films, or that is, the related-type films to that 1979 original that I could remember seeing in video stores back in the day and find those same movies that went directly to videocassette in that amazing era of the late 1980s through the 1990s.

These were the films that never went to the theater, and were never intended to do so.

Oh, they were all stupid. Every single one of them. All found mostly on the fantastic channel of Tubi (Love Tubi!) All films weak as expected, not scary, with bad story, and mostly poor performances, but still charming in a way with young, up and coming actors, or older actors just trying to stay busy or relevant. I even watched the 1990 version with the exact same title as here, and another version about a haunted lamp, yes, haunted lamp (Amityville 4: The Evil Escapes) it was by and far the worst, and yet neither of these films were close to as bad as this.

This is awful.

Miserable.

It's boring.

Bad acting.

Worse editing. (In the beginning, I couldn't tell if they were moving in or out)

It's bright. Yes, bright. The whole movie is way too lit (and not in a good way!) You can tell they were probably filming at night but blasting in spotlights through the windows to make it look like daytime.

People die unexpectedly and horrifically and none of the characters are frantically trying to reach emergency services or call anybody. Where's law enforcement? Family members and relatives afterwards? A funeral?

The human relationships are unbelievable, from friends to roommates to lovers. There is no chemistry amongst any of the parties involved.

Hey, I know this is low to no budget and it's Amityville #376, but that still doesn't exclude all of the above crimes if not transgressions.

As a matter of fact, this is where those little things like believability and emotional investment could have flourished here on screen.

In searching for this new title of this long, long, longtime franchise, unbelievably (maybe not so unbelievably) I came across other, more intriguing titles than this, such as Amityville Karen (Yes.), and Amityville in Space (Also, a definitive yes.) So, skip this chapter, either watch the 1990 film of the same title (which is so bad, it's good-this is just plain bad-there's a difference!), or watch one of these more interestingly titled recent productions.

We all know this infinite trail of silly sequels will never terrify as the original did.

But this 2023 Amityville Curse is not a horror film, and should you describe it as such to your friends in discussions, when mentioning horror, please place it in air quotes.

I will also note here that I would gladly contribute to any group funding of a future production of Amityville Karen In Space.