The Woods Are Real

This may be a finalist for worst movie of all time. Now, there are two kinds of bad movies: so bad they're good and so bad they're unwatchable. This is firmly in the latter camp. Two of the most fraudulent, dislikable people on earth go to a cabin in the woods to better understand how it changed their friend's life. It COULD have worked. It would have required the filmmaker to have fun with the idea. He did not. Every second of this pretentious crap is deadly serious. One gets the feeling that the filmmaker has never had a moment of fun in his life and wants his audience to be just as miserable as he is. Don't fall for it, don't bother watching this sorry mess.

Surprisingly, I managed to stay for the entire duration of this movie, so that's one thing that was going for it, however the production value is very low, looks like shot on an iphone without much direction and retakes. Even the cuts between the scenes is if done by a free editing software.

Surprisingly the acting is above average here, although the chemistry between the different actors is mediocre, as very common to this level of production quality, it does seem like the actors make an effort and care about their acting level and the characters they portray.

One major thing to remember coming in to see this movie is that this is a Christianity movie with ideas rotating around biblical and faith elements (such as the sacrifice of a son and others). If you are not familiar with the bible stories and expecting some hard-core horror movie you will be deeply disappointed. The value of this movie as action/horror is extremely low.

Overall I cannot really recommend this movie, all I can do is commend the actors and the director for producing a watchable movie for such low budget, but it is really a sub-par watch. Exact score: 4.4 / 10.

The majority of high reviews are all accounts that were created 3 months ago, use generic names, and have only one review (this one). Coincidence? I think not. Beware the acclaim of those involved in production: they are but tooting their own horn.

Honestly, I couldn't even get past the opening scene. The acting is SO bad. Wooden performances of equally wooden dialogue. Not surprisingly, this is a "Christian movie" and like many of it's predecessors it values using actors of the faith over actually talented actors. I couldn't bear to slog through 65 more minutes of horrible acting so I turned it off.

This got passed around a lot the last few days, so i decided to check it out. Only 80 minutes - why the hell not? Starts cool - some interesting dialogue- i think i recognized one of the actors right away, maybe even another. Felt almost like this older indie movie called Compliance a few years back. Then it really starts to open up - once they get called to go upstate - cabin, yada yada. But then - to it's credit - the film gets kinda wild and weird. Not my cup of tea honestly - the philosophizing got to be sometimes to much for me - but the acting was honestly kinda great throughout and it really had a cohesive look. I recommend for folks looking for more a creepy meditation than anything else.

Don't waste your time with this one. It sells itself as something else, has zero character development, random "unsettling" events that we're supposed to accept as mysterious or nefarious, and for what? There's no payoff. You waste your time waiting for an incredibly weak ending that is nothing more than someone's delirious mess of a sermon from their own personal mount.

Maybe you're the type who enjoys being pounced on with a surprise sermon, but it doesn't matter: you'll feel assaulted by an awful story with a paper thin plot, zero direction, and barely an ounce of imagination.

The god botherers should stick to trolling random social media threads if they can't even be honest about what they're selling.