Amelia's Children

No pun intended - and not even close to the "not without my daughter" I am riffing off. This is quite different from that - I mean this is a horror movie, so you got a major difference already! That said - let's focus on what the movie is actually about: family, aging, death and legacy. The movie made me think - about a possible future about the unstoppable ... row of time.

Not really a feel good sentimentality I am putting out there. But it is what it is - which is also true about the story the movie offers - as in predictable! I don't even think you have to have watched many movies to get where this is going.

The characters seem to need a bit longer to get the obvious I reckon. One of the actors doing double duty (well actually the mother in a way too, but differently, as in being only one character) ... and the one character he is playing is quite out there .... the main characters make fun of him - but not sure that is enough to make away the cringe you may feel.

A few good shockers, a few completely unnecessary scenes (a signing that really has no merit and no excuse being in the movie - unless there is some deleted footage that would tie or explain its existence) ... overall it does have the right themes and might give you a horrible feeling ... just maybe not the one you were looking for ...

=== Disclaimer! This is not a serious review. ===

Watched purely because crushing on Carloto Cotta :- )

Well, the wig and the w__ker hipster accent was quite funny. A lot of things seemed funny but I genuinely couldn't tell you where to draw the line on how much of it was intentional. I'm also easily scared so all in all, I was watching it like, okay, this is ridiculous but scary.

So the premise that it can be um.. tricky to get on with your family is nothing new - I do indeed have relatives, duh. But the film offered me another perspective: dealing not only with my own family but the family of my (hypothetical) partner. Currently single, I sometimes imagine what it'd be like in a new relationship. You know, you get a nice boyfriend (not with *that* accent but anyway). And he's good-looking, of Portuguese descent, and everything's fine but then, his weird bloody relatives enter the stage... And there you are, complaining to your friend on the phone how you're having trouble cos' they have too much influence over him, etc, etc. Say what you want, that IS scary to me!

Overall, if you don't take it too seriously it's a fun film for a one-time watch. Consider it a horror with the elements of comedy.

P. S. The accent is not real, as in they used a voice-over actor for it. And somehow the thought that my fave Carloto couldn't physically sound like that gives me comfort <3.

Well to put it lightly this movie definitely isn't anywhere near as good as I was hoping it was going to be, and honestly just a whole lot freakier than I ever expected as well.. which probably could work for other people but the mixture of coming out of practically nowhere and also having very little of it in general, I was disappointed on pretty much every front here for what the movie was attempting to do. It wasn't scary enough to warrant anything more than mediocre remarks on that side, wasn't well acted enough either to make the slog of following these characters the least bit enjoyable in my opinion, and it also just wasn't nearly as freaky as it should've been to even make that aspect of it enjoyable.. it was somehow far too tame and boring despite having some really insane moments and one wild storyline... and that is the biggest disappointment of all here. Although; if I was to give this movie one singular positive note, it would be that I do really like what they were TRYING to do here, director Gabriel Abrantes clearly had a vision and I applaud him going for it and I presume trying his best.. and despite their execution falling incredibly flat in my eyes I can still give them their props for at the very least attempting to do something new and interesting in the horror genre. I feel like this movie wasn't at all marketed like what it turned out to be, from the one trailer for it that I saw it really did seem to be a possession type story but ended up instead being based upon a Portuguese fairy tale that gets unbelievably freaky with the way it is depicted, and that's both a good and a bad thing here. The good is that the premise is at the heart of it all very compelling, while the bad is that like I mentioned not too long ago... it's not executed all that well in the end. Another thing that this movie did slightly better than the rest, although definitely not something that I feel very confident giving the role of a 'positive', is the acting. For the most part I would say that this movies acting is pretty much serviceable and not horrendous at any notable point in time, however it's still not the best and there are many many moments here where I could easily tell that either the script or the actors themselves weren't the greatest and it certainly dragged the quality of the movie itself down quite a bit for me. Obviously the most notable person in the entire cast here is our main lead, who is played pretty wonderfully by Brigette Lundy-Paine who I have seen prior to this film but for some reason just instagram, great acting from them and I thoroughly enjoyed the performance even if it wasn't outstanding or anything. The next actress here who I utterly adored, was of course the titular Amelia played by Alba Baptista who is phenomenal in the role and easily the best actor present here, also the makeup goes insane and I loved it.. which is another reason why she has the best role - creepy as all hell both in mannerisms and also just visuals which is a great pair. Finally, Carloto Cotta was okay in his dual roles, impressive I'll give him that but it was for sure the weakest performance in the whole thing sadly. Now it's time to talk about what I can easily consider to be the worst part of this movie which I somewhat touched on earlier, and that's the fact that it's just so unbelievably boring to watch and I really wish I could say otherwise but the process of watching this movie is genuinely somewhat painful due to just how little of actual intrigue happens throughout the first hour and fifteen minutes of it; albeit there are moments here and there that kind of lean more toward being good like the actual 'horror' elements of the film and the aforementioned makeup, but again the biggest problem with these things is that even though I do like them.. they either aren't on screen nearly enough in this thing, or are entirely useless to the story. The actual tense moments of this film almost entirely happen within dream sequences of visions of things that never actually happen, and to top it off we can barely even get to see anything occurring even within these moments.. which is truly just disappointing to me, especially when the structure of this film should have been an easy home run to make something at the very least stupidly entertaining. Though; they do the one thing here that has killed more horror movies as of late than anything else I have witnessed, and that is being utterly boring and sluggish to watch.. despite only being just around ninety minutes this movie sometimes feels like it goes on for an eternity, and that wouldn't be such a bad thing if the stuff within it was at all engaging or even scary to watch... sadly it's not. I really had high hopes for this movie to be something great but like I should seriously come to expect by now, especially from horror movies, it didn't reach those expectations in the slightest... if I'm being entirely honest here both the trailer and the poster for this movie are far far better than the actual movie itself which is depressing to say. Although; despite not really liking this movie really all that much and just viewing it as a fairly watchable and overall adequate project, I do still think there are some phenomenal things to take away from a movie such as this; obviously the actors for one clearly have the ability to do much better and I would wholeheartedly like to see them in more things to fully appreciate their talents, also the premise here itself is very interesting and has clear potential to be something outstanding but with the direction and writing here it just didn't get to fulfill that vision so I do hope someone else can take a jab at something similar and hopefully do a better job in the end. All in all, while I don't hate this movie by any means, I just don't really think it's worth spending over an hour of your life on unless you are in desperate need of a horror film (this honestly leads much more into psychological thriller), like freaky premises which this most definitely has, or are unbelievably bored. If you're not falling under those categories, don't watch this, I don't recommend it.

First of all, this movie is mostly in English so don't get scared off by it being Portuguese. The leads both do a commendable job with average dialogue and plot.

Those things really aren't the main reason to watch. It's the creep factor for me. Super freaky mother character with really good prosthetic make-up that steals the show.

The story is also very creepy and I believe is Portuguese folklore. About the witch mother - no more details here you'll have to watch it. You'll find out pretty quick that the house is not going to be a fun place to visit.

Overall it's a good film, not great. Enjoyable horror and well acted. 6.4/10.

I mean, what can I even say about this movie that I absolutely despised? Can I talk about the good elements of it, the parts I enjoyed, the parts that worked to create an interesting narrative? I wish I could, but I honestly can't think of a single redeemable quality in this entire film. The characters were unlikable, the story wanted to be grotesque but wouldn't show you anything to actually induce fear, and even the cinematography was basic and had no passion. The times the movie wanted to be creepy were so few and far between, that the only thing that ended up being truly nightmare inducing was Amelia's face after years of cosmetic surgery.

It's truly incredible how you have a movie about a witch that has children with her own sons and then eats them to regain her youth, a horrifying premise in and of itself, and you end up making the most mundane and least scary movie possible. I just don't understand how this even happened. It's like the creative team read the premise and then decided to not ruffle any feathers, not offend anyone, and not really create anything truly horrific, instead opting to alude to the witch and use dream sequences to sometimes show what she does, but never having the cojones to actually do it.

This is the worst kind of horror movie to me. A movie that uses a great premise but ends up yielding a tame, inoffensive movie where nothing really scary happens, everything is suggested and not actually shown, and the conclusion ties nothing together, leaving the viewer to wonder why he even wasted and hour and a half of his life on this movie. I really wish I would have read reviews for this film beforehand, as I would have wanted to be warned before investing my precious time on a film that wouldn't enrich my life in any way.

This is why I'm writing this review, to save as many of you from watching this movie as possible. Do not make the same mistake as I did, as life is way too short to spend it watching these types of movies that contribute nothing of value to your life. Read a book, take a walk, listen to your favorite album on repeat. Anything is preferable to watching this film.