Jurassic World: Renaissance

Holy cow! This is more abysmal than i thought would be. None of the actors give good performance. The plot is pathetic. No twists, surprise, addition of a 'family' as if we should care about a bunch of no-name actors with nothing to add to the plot. Hard to believe this is written by David koepp, a master in his own craft. The first flop of this franchise. Universal deserves every piece of criticism it is getting. Horrendous CGI is an added disaster for this slop. I had high expectations after the previous two garbage entries in this franchise but i never felt any excitement in the trailer so naturally the movie is even pathetic i thought it would be.

Five years after the mess that was Jurassic World: Dominion (2022), we're back in the land of toothy nostalgia. This time, an expedition heads into remote equatorial regions to extract DNA from three colossal prehistoric creatures in the name of a "groundbreaking medical breakthrough."

Chris Pratt and Bryce Dallas Howard are mercifully gone (finally), and in their place we get Scarlett Johansson, stepping in as the new face of the franchise for round seven of the Jurassic Park/World saga. Gareth Edwards takes the director's chair, and while he's always known how to stage a good spectacle, even his talents can't fully save this dino-soaked popcorn flick.

Let's talk visuals. There's certainly no shortage of giant set pieces and dinosaur mayhem-but when your dinosaurs look like glossy, overcooked cartoon rejects, all the action in the world can't make it feel real. Hollywood still hasn't learned that audiences are burnt out on soulless green-screen overloads, and the actors, forced to react to nothing, stumble through half-baked expressions of terror. You can practically see them wondering where the tennis ball on a stick went.

Character-wise, it's a wash. Most of them are either grating or entirely forgettable, spouting cringey, rapid-fire dialogue that exists solely to shuttle us from one set piece to the next. And while Rebirth does manage to attempt something new and different, it still feels like we're just circling the same prehistoric drain. It's entertaining, sure-but it just isn't that exciting.

That said, it's still a step up from Fallen Kingdom and Dominion, which isn't saying much, but at least it's something. At this point, though, it's time Universal grew a pair and gave us the R-rated, blood-splattered dinosaur horror epic we deserve-because the stakes never feel high when your carnivores are sanitized for mass consumption.

Here's hoping the next one finally evolves. But I'm not holding my breath. It's best to turn your brain off and enjoy this one for what it is.

6/10.

I didn't go in with very high expectations, but this still should have been better considering David Koepp was returning as a writer and Gareth Edwards is a good choice for director. I even liked his 2014 Godzilla movie more than most people, so I am far from a hater.

I'll break this down into three pros and cons to keep this short.

Pros:

1) There are dinosaurs.

2) Some great location photography, especially in Thailand.

3) There are a couple of great moments of grandeur, although the best one for me (revealing a herd in a valley) relies on a lot of nostalgia farming. Still, it's effective. There's also a sequence with a raft that feels like Spielberg could have directed it, in a good way.

Cons:

1) The script is bad. Lots of exposition, despite the fact that the plot is very simplistic. Some of the characters are annoying. Everything is very predictable, to the point that there's really not a single surprise. There's little tension or sense of danger or even mystery.

2) The cast. Most of them seem to be here to collect a paycheck. Scarlett Johansson seems a little miscast for the character she's playing, though I'd still primarily blame the writing rather than her performance. Jonathan Bailey is a non-entity. Mahershala Ali is wasted. None of these characters are memorable. The best character is probably a tiny dinosaur they meet along the way that gets a few easy "aww" moments. It's cheap, but it works.

3) The special effects. As far as I could tell, the dinosaurs are 100% CGI (or close to it). Dominion was far from good but the mix of practical and CGI effects was nice to see, and a step in the right direction. I was hoping for more of that here, especially since there are several opportunities for practical effects once they get on the island. Everything looks artificial. It's also one of those movies where despite the great location photography, some of the environments still look really fake.

Anyway... the last three movies in this franchise have all been pretty bad. I don't expect something on par with the first Jurassic Park, but I think we could do a little better than this!

5/10.

It's rare I see films on their opening day, opening weekend is relatively common but - as I'm otherwise engaged this weekend, I decided to see "Jurassic World Rebirth" on a Wednesday evening. I wish I could say it was because of enthusiasm for the series, but that has largely been beaten out of me at this point. I wish I could say that Rebirth was a film that reignited my love of the franchise but, whilst it's fine, it's largely another retread.

Dinosaurs have proven ill adjusted to the climate of most modern countries, with those that have survived clustering around the equator. Martin Krebs (Rupert Friend) representative of ParkerGenix believes that genetic material from three live dinosaurs will help with the research into heart disease that his company are planning. He hires Zora Bennett (Scarlett Johannson) and Henry Loomis (Jonathan Bailey) as lead and scientific expert of his expedition, and they head to the island of Ile Saint-Hubert. But the island was InGen's genetics experiment hub, abandoned following an incident years earlier.

To stress, I didn't think that "Rebirth" was a bad film. I thought the central performances were good and I liked the chemistry between Johansson and Bailey and the endless charisma of Mahershala Ali. I thought the film looked really good Gareth Edwards is a great visual film maker and has plenty of experience with large scale creatures.

The problem is that it's essentially 'another' Jurassic movie and feels like its plot is cribbed almost entirely from existing elements of the series. The stranded family from "Jurassic World 3", the experts from "Lost World", the really dangerous 'final boss' creature from "World" - with a nod towards the jails underneath Jabba's palace.

Without any sort of new angle the word I kept coming back to when thinking about the film was 'inessential' and, once again whilst this was fine, I do feel like the whole franchise could benefit from a lengthy break.

I wish I could take a previous review for a Jurassic park clone and insert it here to get across the effort the studio is putting into these now. It's just a cheap cash in for some money. Very boring and predictable. The CGI actually looked worse than the 1993 movie. How is that even possible you ask? By just having gratuitous CGI constantly. It just looks bad and I'm actually depressed after watching this. Something about it all just felt cynical and like it somehow ruined my love of the original a little bit. With that said, this is the last ride for me on this franchise. It hasn't been good for decades as I look back and think about these films.