Merteuil

I barely made it through Episode 1 and I'm tapping out - and honestly, that was an act of heroic patience. If "tacky" were an art form, this show would be hanging in the Louvre.

The writing is so shallow it practically evaporates. Every line sounds like it was generated by an algorithm trained exclusively on perfume commercials and bad fanfiction.

And the acting... wow. If the goal was "bland, beige, and barely conscious," then mission accomplished. Diane Kruger as Rosemonde gives a performance so flat I had to check whether my TV settings were accidentally stuck on "energy saver mode." Whatever complexity the role was supposed to have clearly got lost somewhere between the script and the set.

The show leans so hard on sex appeal that I'm amazed the entire production didn't topple over. Newsflash: sex doesn't always sell - especially when there's no story, no passion, and no reason to care. It's like watching a seduction scene performed by people who've only ever read about emotions in textbooks.

Overall, this series is a glossy void - shiny on the outside, absolutely nothing on the inside. Save yourself the time and the brain cells.

Even though it leans into the dramatic and sensational, that's the whole intent of this series and that along with the sexual/erotic nature of the series will automatically have some giving bad reviews. This is pure fun and great when viewed within the context of Valmont. It also looks and feels more valid in French with subtitles. The English audio and mouths that don't match literally don't match the context and style of the series. Watch in French with popcorn.