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Willy's Wonderland follows an unnamed loner who damages his car while travelling through a rural town. The local garage offers to fix it, but with limited outside world contact, no internet and no cash... he is unable to pay for repairs. That is, unless he helps out by working a night shift as the janitor at an abandoned local funhouse - called Willy's Wonderland. Fix the place up, protect it from break-ins, be sure to take regular breaks... and your car will be ready in the morning. Of course, he soon finds out this place has more going on than it seems...

Despite me seeing this after Five Nights at Freddy's, it actually came out 2 years earlier.... and what can I say apart from this is exactly the sort of thing that takes that idea and runs with it to great effect. Serving as more a horror/comedy of sorts rather than playing it straight, the basic idea is the same, i.e. Night worker gets trapped in a kids fun place with creepy killer robots. But wheres FNAF is creepy and delves into a tragic backstory and trauma, this take is, well quite frankly absurd.

It's hard to know where to even start with this, but can I just say that Nicolas Cage is Nicolas Caging here harder than Nicolas Cage has ever Nicolas Caged before. Not a single word is spoken by this mysterious ex-soldier, but his dead-pan unfazed delivery is absolutely perfect as we follow him through this absolute carnage fueled farce. There was a distinct turning point for me, when he has a stand-off against one of the robots, kicks the juke-box - and then proceeds to absolutely beat seven bells out of this thing all while 'head shoulders knees and toes' was playing in the background. I honestly don't think I've laughed so hard at a scene in all my life. From that point on, I was sold.

The whole film is full of stupid comedy like that, which perfectly juxtaposes against the extreme violence that is also on offer. Now, obviously it's not going to win any awards or anything, but man did I have a good time with this film. It's not the best film objectively, with a basic story, predictable scares and shallow characters, but it just doesn't matter. It made me laugh. A lot. And to that end, I'd highly recommend checking this out if you just want to kick back, turn your brain off and bask in the glorious nonsense that Willy's Wonderland delivers in spades...

This 5th entry into the Die Hard franchise follows John McClane as he discovers that his son Jack has been arrested in Moscow. Unaware that Jack is actually a highly trained CIA operative that is on an undercover mission to stop a nuclear weapons heist, John turning up actually compromises the mission. Initially furious at his Dad for ruining years of set-up, things take a turn when the mission goes in an unexpected direction, forcing father and son to work together to prevent a global catastrophe...

I put off watching this at the time because all the reviews were completely terrible and I'd rather spend my time watching good films (he says, literally just after watching Osiris (2025)), but since this will likely now be the final Die Hard film (unless they reboot it) I decided to give it a chance. And I must say... yes it's not great but I don't think it's as bad as I was led to believe.

Lets start with the positives. Some of the action scenes are pretty good and entertaining to watch, and the subversion during the finale was kinda interesting, unexpected and deserved. Anything else? Errr....

For me there were 3 big problems with this film. Firstly, John McClane seems out of place. It's like they wrote a Russian spy/heist/action movie, and then got the Die Hard rights at the last minute and just slapped John McClane awkwardly in there. He's like an overbearing parent who just hangs around getting in the way while his kid tries to have fun. Hmm, perhaps that was the point...

Secondly, the dialogue is AWFUL. Completely unnatural in many scenes and there are goofy overdubs galore that don't fit the action at all. There are literally sections where quippy John McClane quotes are inserted in and Bruce isn't even moving his mouth! Yikes!!

But by far the worst thing is the CGI. The special effects here are so bloated, so over the top and nonsensical that some parts of this movie literally look like a video game. The finale with the chopper is utterly laughable in its fakeness - I just couldn't believe how bad it looked.

I wouldn't even mind, but the basic plot actually kinda works. Sure, it doesn't feel like a Die Hard movie, but it could have been great with better direction, a better script and more practical stunt work. As it is though, A Good Day To Die Hard is goofy in all the wrong ways and is a disappointing send off for the franchise. Hmm.... maybe it is as bad as they said after all...

Osiris follows a group of special forces commandos who are abducted mid-mission by an alien spacecraft. Waking up an unknown amount of time later and breaking free of the aliens' 'trophy room', they find themselves hunted by a seemingly endless supply of alien soldiers. Trapped on the ship with nowhere to go, all they can do is fight for survival. But... it turns out they are not the only humans on board...

Sounds interesting? It could have been. Maybe. But instead, wow... where do I even start. Endless identical aliens, endless amounts of bullets and endless amounts of tedium all came together to have me watching the clock almost as much as the screen, which is never a good sign. The aliens look like they are taken pretty much directly from the Gears of War video game and all look the same. Its like they made about 3 suits and used them repeatedly (I get that even good sci fi films do this, but they at least hide it well... this doesn't). Our commandos are unlikable, boring and somehow not only have access to their weapons but also never run out of ammo. How do they have so much ammo? All the sets look the same (they probably were) and Linda Hamilton turns up about half way through somehow looking even more disinterested than I was. It then wraps everything up with a twist that just fell flat. Big. Yawn....

I can't even recommend this to fans of cheap sci fi nonsense that has charm in its awfulness - it's just tedious, bland and I couldn't wait for it to be over. There may be a good idea buried in here somewhere, but sadly Osiris is just not worth your time.