The Mortuary Collection

I have watched SO many absolutely awful horror movies on Amazon Prime and Netflix that I was anticipating "The Mortuary Collection" to be another cheesy stinker with enough plot holes to drive a Polaris submarine through. I have rarely been so delighted to be wrong.

I've always liked Clancy Brown, and he plays the mortician character, Montgomery Dsrk, with an affable, quirky aplomb. Caitlin Custer absolutely nails it with her performance as a young woman who has supposedly come to apply for a job opening for mortuary assistant.

If you enjoyed the old HBO "Tales from the Crypt" series... which I did... you will very likely enjoy "The Mortuary Collection". It isn't perfect, but it is well worth a watch.

This is a horror anthology movie. Those not familiar with the term: this is a selection of short horror stories tied together by their telling. Perhaps by cowboys around a camp fire or standard travelers taking refuge from the rain in a spooky old house. The stories tend to be along the lines of: a creepy old man finds a sweet, young girl in the forest searching for her lost puppy. He offers to help her look, with obvious ulterior motives, then when the puppy is found it turns out to be a werewolf and the girl giggles as the man is devoured.

So this format is well worn and tends to be a bit lame: so much that the Simpsons even spoof it.

So if you accept what this is and its limitation then you should find that this is an excellent example of its kind.

It is quite slow in pace and is happy to take its time showing you around the funeral home that is the tie-together story. Now, we know that our expectations are soon to be subverted, but the film knows that, and it knows that we know that. So it is not afraid to do the odd double or even triple fake-out.

The setting is immaculately laid out with great sets, lighting and effects. The main characters are interesting and well cast. It is obvious a lot of care and love has been poured into this and it really shows.

Now this is not particularly scary and the stories are quite pedestrian, but this is part of the course. I found this to be an atmospheric, fun bit of horror that is unlikely to give anyone nightmares.

But sadly the interwoven stories are a bit lame and unconnected,

I was hoping for once to have some stories to rival the old Hammer House Of Horror or Peter Cushing Tales From The Crypt and the many other great spine tingling movies from yesteryear but sadly not - How is it not possible 50 years on that we do not have the ability to create great stories like for instance one of the most frightening I ever saw "The Ghouls" and which would make a great movie on its own and who can forget the "Shadmock" story which was part of the movie The Monster Club which remains my favourite of the 70's horror movies!

Overall though it is a visual feast and Clancy Brown shows that he still has pulling power with an effortless performance but sadly apart from some gratuitous gore there are zero scares or even a smidgin' of fear so I give it an average 6 hatchets out of 10!

'The Mortuary Collection (2019)' is, essentially, an anthology of short horror films that each focus on a different sort of 'poetic justice'. Though, at times, it can often feel like the framing story exists only to house these disconnected experiences, it ultimately ties itself into at least one of the shorts in a satisfying and unexpected way. The thing is often a little clunky, don't get me wrong, but it tells a complete narrative when viewed as a whole. The four shorts generally improve as the piece progresses, with the first being the simplest (and, by extension, worst) and the last being the most ambitious. The final short is far and away the best thing about the entire affair, so it's a bit of a shame that I can't give this film full credit for it. That's because it is comprised entirely, I believe, of one of director Ryan Spindell's previous outings. Still, it's undeniable that the story is suspenseful, subversive and surprising; its twist is genuinely unexpected and proves that the filmmakers are keenly aware of audience expectation. It also ties into the framing narrative very closely, making the final third of the movie its most cohesive and successful. Although the actual ending may be a little silly, it's generally entertaining in a pulpy sort of way and unveils yet another layer to the overall experience. For a while, the flick is a bit too slow-moving for its own good. It also seems to lack a distinct drive for quite some time. The first two short stories aren't all that great, to be honest. I mean, they're fine for what they are but they don't exactly inspire the imagination. The third is much better and, as I've mentioned, the fourth is straight-up fantastic (though not technically created for this). The whole thing has an almost tongue-in-cheek vibe, too, which helps smooth over its rough edges. Even though it gets properly dark and features some fairly full-on gore, it's generally fun horror as opposed to terrifying horror. That's okay, though; not every horror film has to scare you to the bone. In the end, this is an uneven yet enjoyable anthology that knows what it is and seems to relish it. 6/10.

Horror anthology that is decent in its presentation but pulls more for a black humor element. Nothing too frightening, but it does have its moments of moderate bloody moments. Somewhat standard setting to tell the tales. Enjoyable but nothing new or spectacular.