Santa Claus Conquers the Martians

This has been ridiculed on "The Canned Film Festival", "Mystery Science Theater 3000" and "Cinematic Titanic": the only three to be mocked on all three bad-film programmes. Everything about it is so tacky that you can't help but laugh: a Santa Claus with a pipe who says "No Sirreee", a melodramatic Martian ruler, a polar bear that would be unconvincing in a pantomine. Still, the fact it makes you laugh means that it's not that bad. It wouldn't been on all three of those programmes if there were not a lot of fun to be had from laughing at it. I'd rather own something like this than, say, Richard Harris's first film "This Sporting Life", which is so boring that there is no way of getting any enjoyment from watching it. This is a bad film with a bad plot and it does get boring in parts, but it'll cheer you up on a bad day.

(r#30)

Basically everything is wrong about this film, and that's what makes it so great. It's hysterical, but even as you're laughing yourself breathless you can't help but feel bad inside that you're actually chewing down this rotten junk food. Because that's what Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is: a case of food poisoning. There are layers and layers of awfulness in this movie, and it really is an unforgettable experience. The actors are all stoned out of their minds and extremely ugly. The title pretty much explains the plot, although there's not really a lot of "conquering". Maybe a better title would have been "Santa Claus Laughs at Inappropriate Times while Hanging Out with Bad Actors in Silly Outfits"? Just saying. I know it isn't as catchy, but at least it's not deceiving.

It would be impossible to sum up all the stuff that sucks about this film, so I'll break it down into what I remember most strongly: a man in an ingeniously fake-looking polar bear costume (funnier than the "bear" from Hercules in New York); an extra with the most unnatural laugh you're ever likely to hear; an ex-dope addict martian with tics; kid actors who make sure every syllable of their lines are slowly and caaarreee-fulll-yyy prrooo-noun-ceeed; a newspaper headline stating that Santa's been "kidnaped", and a giant robot. Yes, you read that right. A giant robot.

The worst acting job in here must be when Mother Claus and her elves have been "frozen" by the "Martians'" weapons. Could they be *more* trembling? I know this was the sixties and everyone was doped up, but still.

This wins the Dung Beetle Award of the year. Destined to become a Christmas classic for me!

Santa Claus Conquers the Martians is a low budget kid's movie from the early 60's. It has a reputation as one of the worst movies ever made. But, similar to most such famously trashed films, it actually turns out to be nowhere near the worst of the worst. More accurately, this could be described as an enjoyable slice of cheese. Sure, its rubbish on several levels but it also happens to be memorable on several other levels.

The story, such as it is, has the Martians kidnapping Santa Claus and, in the process, abducting two Earth children as well. You see, the Martians want to enjoy Christmas as well. With a plot-line as moronic as that, there's really no point in splitting hairs over details and instead just sit back and watch what unfolds. The sets, costumes and make-up are all bargain-basement but they all work well enough within the confines of the plastic coated world that they exist in. Some of the highlights of the film as a whole include an angry Martian and friendly but stupid Martian, an impressively unconvincing and fake polar bear, a comedy punch up and last, yet surely best of all, a truly infectious theme song about Santy Claus. In the final analysis, there's enough strangeness here to qualify this as a bona fide cult item. It's poor, yet simultaneously quite good. Come on now; let's hear it for Santy Claus!

Maybe I have a soft spot somewhere in my heart for poorly written, badly conceived, silly 1960s children's movies - but I really can't understand why Santa Claus versus the Martians is in the worst 100 movies of all time here on IMDb. Sure, most viewers will breathe a sigh of relief when it ends, but this film really seems downright harmless compared to the six month old Kennel Ration Hollywood has been feeding us as commercial film for the last ten or so years. Hey, at least it's not a remake, a sequel, or a 2 hour long CGI cartoon with a few human faces tossed in for effect.

Santa Claus gets kidnapped by distraught martians (white guys with bad green makeup and a few dishwasher parts glued to their heads, as well as inexplicable capes), who want to rescue their depressive, antisocial children from the doldrums by giving them all toys and a big red-suited guy with a beard to laugh at... err... with. Santa adapts to life on Mars very well and starts cranking out the toys with the help of Martian machines, but political controversies surrounding his activities soon threaten the fabric of Martian Society.

I'm not kidding.... really.... this is the plot.

Aside from the ludicrous plot and mediocre acting (Bill McCutcheon gives the only really enjoyable performance in this film, though Pia Zadora and Vincent Beck are not too bad), this is no worse than many of the kid films of its time. In the age of ADD and general impatience, however, this film is more than a little dated. The only modern kid I can imagine enjoying this film is one with an extraordinarily great attention span and a penchant for B-films. In terms of production, this film has the feel of a 2 hour, 1960s low budget TV show, and is almost as clever.

I would recommend avoiding this film unless you're compelled to watch films which go to extremes. I found it cute, funny, and more than a tad ridiculous. To most people, it's a film version of your great Aunt's wallpaper - it's just there on the TV, while far more interesting things are happening in the carpet below your feet.

I still very much appreciate its spirit, both in terms of no-budget filmmaking and sense of fun. I wish that the films of today could have even a fraction of its good-natured mischievous approach. Certainly film studios could learn a thing or two, in this ridiculous era of quarter-of-a-billion-dollar blockbusters. I for one don't need the equivalent of 'having my eyes masturbated', as one cinema critic so lovingly stated.

I would prefer watching this in a second over any of the ham-fisted, cash-soaked holiday atrocities made in the past three decades (I believe 'A Christmas Story', and perhaps 'Elf' and 'National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation' to be the last decently-made Yuletide films).

But don't take MY word for it...see it for yourself (without the stupid and condescending MST3K commentary) and make your OWN conclusion.