Flesh and Bullets

Horrible movie. Who'd have thought a movie would make me wish I was watching Throw Momma From The Train. When ranking Strangers on a Train rip-offs this movie is so far below the bottom that it's in the basement.

Two guys are to murder each other's ex-wives but instead end up in sexual relationships with the ex-wives, making it difficult to pull off the murders. That sentence makes the movie sound far more intriguing than it actually is.

For a taste of just how horrible the writing is you just need to watch the scene where one of the ex-wives tells her lover/killer that she was once raped by Robert Z'Dar. His response? "At least he has good taste." No wonder she's so much in love with him.

Just no redeeming qualities here. Writing, direction, editing, acting, everything is just horrible. Not even so bad it's good. Just so bad it should never be seen by anybody.

Flesh and Bullets (1985)

** (out of 4)

Two losers casual meet in Las Vegas and get to talking about their lives and realize that they have a lot in common. The most common thing is that both of them are being taken to the cleaner by their ex-wives who got them for a lot of money in their divorces. The men agree to knock off each other's ex but in the process they both fall in love with them and want to back out of their deals.

Carlos Tobalina had directed a number of porno films up to this point in his career but he wanted to try his hand at a "mainstream" feature so he made this low-budget picture, which is basically a take-off on Alfred Hitchcock's STRANGERS ON A TRAIN. This film offers up some nudity, some mild sex scenes as well as some veteran cast members but at the end of the day there's just nothing overly special about it.

The film has an extremely cheap feel to it and in all honesty it looks and feels like the porno movies that were made during this period. Tobalina certainly wasn't able to bring any style to this movie and in fact his direction is pretty weak throughout as there's never any erotic feel, there's certainly no tension and I'd argue that there's not too many good things going on. With that said, the film is far from awful as its cheapness does have a certain charm about it.

The main reason to check this film out is due to the cast, which includes some rather famous faces in small roles. You've got the likes of Yvonne De Carlo, Cesar Romero, Cornel Wilde (straight out of retirement) and Aldo Ray as well as cult sensation Mai Lin playing a hooker. Seeing these famous faces pop up throughout the running time is certainly entertaining and they almost make the picture worth sitting through.

FLESH AND BULLETS isn't a horrible movie but it's not a very good one either. If you're a fan of low-budget films like it then you'll want to check it out.

Wow. I am not sure where to begin. Top-billed "special performances by" Yvonne DeCarlo is literally in one shot. Cesar Romero does slightly better with two shots. Poor Cornel Wilde (with a bad hair dye) and Aldo Ray appear in two short, poorly lit, poorly shot, poorly framed, poor sound recorded scenes. Now onto the good stuff: I actually found the two male leads compelling. Glenn McKay and Mic Morrow have no other credits on IMDB, but they're actually quite good. The film itself, in some strange way, drew me in. It was much better than I expected it to be. Like one of the other reviewers said, I saw the Variety add back in the day and was curious about the cast. I doubt this film got any playdates at all, despite the "theatrical" trailer included on the DVD. I could see myself sitting through this one again.

Oh my god! Yvonne De Carlo, Aldo Ray, Cesar Romero and the return of the great Cornel Wilde in his last role! Well, I have been wanting to see this film ever since it was advertised on the Variety back in 1985 because of the incredible cast, but the 19 year wait was a let down. Yvonne DeCarlo and Cesar Romero played judges in a divorce case and only appeared for 30 seconds (!). aldo ray (who was doing tons of these type of movie) must have talked Cornel Wilde (who was not doing "Z" films) to do a 2min scene (a comeback!) with him, because they both appear in a police scene that look like it was off another film. Wilde who usual do film with political messages or quality work looks tired and looks as if he might have thought this was a student film or something different to be involved in this type of film. All 4 talents are tacked in on a direct-to-video feature about a divorced loser who robs a bank to pay for his child support/alimony payment.

he meets up with another loser who also has the same ex-wife problem. they both agree to help each other by meeting the other's wife and kill them, but they fall in love with other's ex's instead. some sex scenes look edited as if this might have been a hardcore adult film once. the photography looks like outdated 16mm film stock, sort of like those late 70's adult film was shot in. sharon kelly only speaks one-line in a pointless cameo, and look for Robert Z'dar billed as Robert west playing Dan the psycho ex-boyfriend. Seeing what the director made in the past, it must be a ambitious attempt to break into the mainstream films, but a little too late for this film didn't even get any sales on most major countries. I hope to see a English language release of this one day, but with DVD business these days most people will complain over the photograph of the film for it's really grainy.

Only if aldo ray and cornel wilde got out of the police station and did some detective work to add credibility to this film. real shame it's wilde's last film.

Needless to say that I hadn't heard about this 1985 movie titled "Flesh and Bullets" prior to stumbling upon it here in 2024. And with it being a movie that I hadn't already seen, much less actually heard about, of course I opted to check out what writer and director Carlos Tobalina had to offer.

Turns out that it wasn't really all that much. Sure, it was a pretty straightforward storyline. But the movie was just so terribly constructed and even worse so edited that it was a difficult movie to sit through. It felt like writer and director Carlos Tobalina virtually had no sense of how to compile a movie and give it a natural flow.

The acting performances in the movie were pretty wooden and rigid. The delivery of the dialogue, which was laughably poorly written by the way, was done pretty much without much of any conviction. So it was a rather lackluster experience to bear witness to the performances on the screen. The movie actually have some familiar faces on the cast list, but not in any leading roles though. The movie had the likes of Cesar Romero, Yvonne De Carlo and Robert Z'Dar on the cast list.

The lovemaking scenes were particularly cringeworthy, especially the extreme moaning and groaning that was going on.

The editing in the movie was rather brutal. The movie had really abrupt cuts between scenes and it made the narrative feel like it was limping around most of the time.

"Flesh and Bullets" was by no means a cinematic masterpiece that I had been missing out on for the past 39 years, by not watching it before here in 2024. And believe me when I say that this is definitely not a movie that I will ever return to watch a second time. Nor is it a movie that I would recommend for you to waste your time, money and effort on.

My rating of writer and director Carlos Tobalina's 1985 movie "Flesh and Bullets" lands on a most generous two out of ten stars.