Diabolique

With some of Hollywood's worst trash on his resume, Director Jeremiah Chechik gives us something slightly better than his worst ("The Avengers") and much worse than his best ("Benny and Joon").

This oddly unsatisfying 1996 remake of the classic 1955 French thriller illustrates Hollywood's ham handed ability to turn a classic suspense tale into a weak atmosphere piece. I say oddly because Isabelle Adjani and Sharon Stone are together on the screen for almost the entire film and the two actresses truly bring out the best in each other. So you have a long series of well-played scenes by fine actresses, but they are strung together into a slow paced story line that lacks unity and consistent motivation. Which could be caused by a lot of things but is most likely the result of trimming in post-production, in which important unifying elements were left on the cutting room floor. Or it could be that the director and production designer just failed to translate the writer's vision onto the screen.

Since this ultimately this is a story about an evil character who develops a sentimental side, it is absolutely critical that this process is communicated to the audience. The audience should not just be surprised by the ending but should be able to think back and see all the motivational pieces click into place. In this regard the movie is a complete failure.

Then there is the issue of cheating. Because we only know what he wants to tell us, a director has a variety of legit ways to introduce misdirection and surprise into a film. But occasionally a director lacks the integrity and vision to play by the rules. Such is the case here as only the audience sees the underwater shot of a clearly drowned Guy (Chazz Palminteri). It is shown to convince us that he is dead but this then makes his reanimation impossible. Plus it is fairly useless because you know that he has to come back for there to be much of a story. That is cheating and there is more cheating in the unintentionally comical climatic scene. The beauty of the original movie was the absence of cheating and the macabre irony of the ending. All that is missing.

Whatever, it means that the only reason to watch this version of "Diabolique" is for the acting of Adjani and Stone. Although Adjani was 40-41 years old when she made this film, she has lost little of her beauty. While she was probably the world's most beautiful actress in her twenties, there is simply no debate that she was the most beautiful 40 year-old in cinema history. Stone pretty much plays her hard-as-nails self but she is given some great lines and her character is a great contrast to the ethereal take Adjani gives to her own character.

If you are looking for a better but less obvious remake of the original "Diabolique", track down 1971's "Let's Scare Jessica To Death". This almost forgotten horror classic is truly scary. It has much better production design than 1996's "Diabolique", with creepy whispering and images that stay with you and creep you out even weeks later. Jessica is a woman recently released from a mental "institution" who goes to a farm in a quiet rural area. The odd locals and their local legends begin to mess with Jessica's head as her husband and his secret girlfriend attempt to scare her to death.

A fascinating example of glossy Hollywood film-making. No, it's not good. But the movie is shot gorgeously, the score is sumptuous and oddly touching, and the movie is often hilariously campy. Some lame stabs are taken at making the material more relevant and serious (Kathy Bates character is a cancer survivor; lesbian overtones are rampant) but these just make it more absurd. Even if you haven't seen the original, you'll figure out the "surprise" ending a mile away. And a thriller could not possibly be plotted more carelessly. But you've got to give points to a movie that dares to make Sharon Stone a math teacher (at an all-boys school, no less!). Watch and marvel at how Stone gleefully tramples over doormat Isabella Adjani in every scene as if she's a drag-queen version of herself. Many will find this movie boring, but if you go in expecting a campy, silly good time, you won't be disappointed.

Diabolique not only lacks substance, it lacks any real effort on the part of the main players. Sharon Stone's character is completely banal. Kathy Bates pops out of nowhere to accomplish nothing except adding 30 more minutes onto this pseudo-thriller bore-fest. As the movie went on, I found myself concerned less and less with the gratuitous sex and not-so-intricate plot twists that I seriously considered going out to the lobby to play "Space Invaders."

This movie is worse than bad. The credits do not include the fact that it is based on the wonderful earlier version, from 1954, or the book it was based on- and maybe it's just for the best. A terrible movie; the most unsubtle movie I ever saw. And somehow, the beautiful Isabel Adjani doesn't look so good in English. The plot in this version isn't realistic, the ending is pathetic, the twists are shallow. This movie deserves all the bad words in the English language. I gave it a 1, which it deserves only for Adjani's clothes. One of the worst movies of 1996, perhaps of all time.

A tyrannical school principal terrorizes his fragile wife with heart disease and his cynical mistress as well (both are teachers in the couple's private school). The two women plot to kill him, but after the murder their plan starts to fall through. The body disappears, then more and more signs become apparent to prove: he is alive.

The real mystery is why anyone had to remake a classic French thriller that was imitated so many times before, why it had to be done so terribly, cast so wrongly and acted in such unsubtle way - and why anyone on earth should care the whole stuff.