Legion of Fire: Killer Ants!

Well this movie was completely insane. Where to begin? I won't bore you with any details because its not worth me typing any of the names of characters and only there is an "famous entomologist from LA", a teacher, a kid and a cop who we will refer to as xfiles since he played Asst. Dep. Skinner on the show.

Well now, shall we begin with the Oscar worthy script complete with plot holes the size of the CGI ants the feast on the human flesh. Some magical force of nature has cause a popular salmon fishing hot spot in Alaska to have increased subterranean temperature. This causes the salmon to flee and a unusual increase in the number of earthquakes. Ants begin to invade. Killer ants. When asked the question later of where there ants came from: "Have any boats been in dock?/ Yes, actually last week./ Was it from South America?/ Yes, Actually." These ants are rare because they only travel on roads. Cleverly they wait until humans discover them and their giant nest to decide to go on on all out rampage on society.

When someone gets eaten by ants they are replaced by fully clothed skeletons with a wig on. Apparently ants lick the bones clean. It was delicious.

The solution xfiles comes up with is to blow up the pass with dynamite if they cant eradicate them by Saturday (arbitrarily). This is the 20th century, even if they blow up the pass we don't have to wait for a wagon to take an extra 2 months to go over the mountains. And the ants have been crawling around underground, so blowing up the pass, although seething with seemingly cunning genius would ultimately prove to be mentally retarded and the ants would be unaffected.. sort of like challenging millions of ants with a revolver while belaying down a cliff, but i guess he had to open the locked door of the trailer and the revolver ended up being a key part. Why's that trailer there in the middle of a huge valley again?

Wait until you see the flame thrower scene. Here they try to burn a nest of ants with a flame throw that needs to be manually pumped. Listen as the entomologist tells the teacher to "Pump Harder" and her respond "I'm Trying" Then as ants crawl up her pants and on her feet, he turns and unleashes a s fury of flame over her feet, successfully destroying all ants without rendering her pants or shoes slightly burned. They then hop in a canoe. Then randomly hit a stretch of white water and as it turns out amazingly and quite conveniently, that they are both expert white water canoers. Watch for the ideally placed logs.

The ants will later burrow underneath people, pulling them under reminding us of the movie "Tremors". They then go on all assault including what appears to be some sort of explosive device. Fortunetly the entomologist remembers that he studies this for a living and comes up with a plan. Dstrpy the queen.

The plan itself is both idiotic and asinine. See it to believe it but know it includes a dam, 3 bundles of dynamite, 1 shovel, 1 lighter, an earthquake,a helicopter, and ants. The only thing that could have made this movie better would have been the appearance of Chuck Norris and Steven Seagal to fight each other to be the king of the ants and lead them to prosperity in Los Angeles. If either are reading... My people will call your people. I smell sequel.

A swarm of ants from South America decide to over run Alaska.

Cheesy and silly from start to end. Poor animation on the ants, to begin with. Sometimes you see some actual footage of about three or four real ants: scary. Attacks are the most contrived sequences you'll ever witness. One dummy climbs into a giant ant hill. Another guy fires a pistol at the ant hill. Some other clod tries to attack them with a tractor. Still another dimwit fires a rifle at the swarm as they try to surround her. Nobody ever seems to think of running away; the ants move at about 1/1000th the speed of a human.

One guy is in a truck driving in circles while fire bombs go off on either side of the truck, no matter where he is at any given moment. But I love the "Let's blow up the dam" sequence best. There's no reasonable explanation for why this would help, or any assurance that it would work. They just decide to blow up the dam. A helicopter picks up a guy after an 2-second earthquake knocks him off his feet, and he rolls down a hill to land atop some dynamite he just lit. And on it goes.

Good for a laugh at how stupid it all is.

Since it was nothing else on, and it stared Mitch Pileggi. I decided to watch this movie.

What a bummer! This movie had more cheesy dialogue and crap effects then some of the early B-Monster movies from the 50's. This turkey was made in1998!

If it was meant deliberately to be a parody I could accept these facts, but it was not! Why the hell did Mitch Pileggi take this role? He's a good actor and should be doing better things then this.

I'm usually fond of accidentally funny horror/monster movies, but this movie just annoyed me.

Let's face it, in a made-for-TV movie like LEGION OF FIRE: KILLER ANTS! (aka: MARABUNTA), it's all about the ants. The humans are either those who seek to stop the onslaught, or the hapless victims of the tiny horde.

First off, the CGI ants are so poorly realized -even by late 1990's standards- that it's difficult to watch them, let alone take them seriously. Weren't there some real ones crawling around somewhere? Even a few live ants scattered here and there throughout the movie would have been better than these pitiful cartoons!

The humans aren't much better. Poor Mitch Peleggi. How did he wind up in this wretched nonsense?

SOME UNINTENTIONAL HUMOR TO HELP DULL THE PAIN: #1- The couple that decides it would be a nifty idea to get pictures of each other standing on an anthill the size of Devil's Tower! #2- The cartoon ants carrying away cartoon body parts! #3- The sheriff, standing atop his car, fending off the CGI bugs with a fire extinguisher! #4- While one of the heroes drives his truck over rough terrain, the two in the back of the vehicle bounce around in ways that would easily cause massive head trauma and grievous bodily injury! Miraculously, they're unscathed!

This is the sort of omni-schlock that makes ordinary schlock bow its head as it passes by...

I taped this one last week, it got three stars (good) in my TV paper so I was expecting a decent film.

I didn't get that.

What I did get is a film that goes so far into being bad, it actually becomes good. There aren't any scares, dramatic moments or good special effects but this film is FILLED with unintentionally funny moments. My favourite part was the stupid cop who after getting over the death of his 10 year old brother (the cop was at least 30+, how does he have a 10 year old bro?!) really quickly, later goes on to hilariously stumble and put a tractor into drive causing a barn to collapse with him trapped inside with the KILLER ANTS!!.

My other favourite part was the hero and the all action local school teacher/marksman escaping from another barn on a small bike so pathetic looking that even Harry & Lloyd would have refused to ride on it.

Ah yes, I also got a kick out of how they manage to make an ant poison potion in the school lab, not only does it kill ants but it's also apparently non toxic as the school teacher sprays it all over a guy's face lol.

Well worth watching!