Anno zero - Guerra nello spazio

The Italians are at it again. Crippled by an incoherent script, this Italian-made space opus is lost in the vacuum of space. The title, minus the word "Cosmos," was used a decade earlier during the very 'mod' 60's. The runaway satellite in that film was child's play compared to this leaky albatross. This film deals, badly, with a more lethal out-of-control planet. The man in charge, the director, had to have been on a three-day coffee break. The extras rush and jump around in a swirl of confusion. Some high school productions are more organized. One actor pronounces the word data as "da-da." When the landing party finds living beings on the planet, they all resemble an army of metallic "Mr. Cleans." Crazy. A few of the female crew members are painted into their threads. And the ridiculous skull caps are definite turn-offs. Future technology is represented by scratchy video monitors and blinking boxes of gyros and lights. Organ music saturates the soundtrack with grunts and groans, piped in from a very dark place. The final showdown pits a rabid crewman against the lead Mr. Clean. Both souls are jettisoned out an air lock. Have a nice trip.

I just finished watching this...and I will be honest...I'd seen a few minutes of it browsing a Digiview DVD compilation...I truly knew from just that few minutes this was probably a stinker, but I watched it because the actresses had tight uniforms. Yes, I know...that's terrible...but I couldn't help myself. Truly, the story was a wash out and watching the girls really was the motivation. I will say that actor, John Richardson was not as bad as everyone else. Too bad he didn't get a film role that he could shine. The ending of the movie is reminiscent of a twilight zone twist, which was a nice touch for those who suffer through it. Directing is almost as good as a high school film production, and a blind grandmother could have done much better cinematography. I read here that a reviewer wrote the special effects were as cruddy as 1950's sci-fi, and I say shame on you for saying that...they not nearly as good as Flash Gordon or War of the Worlds. On the other hand, they are as good as that stuff I just left in the toilet. But seriously, I can't even say that you have to see it to believe it, because in all fairness, you wouldn't believe it. Sadly, this film has been preserved electronically for all to see.

I watched this movie broadcast by an Italian local channel some days ago... and enjoyed it a lot! This is a clear example of a b-movie of the seventies with a lot of defects: bad special effects, wooden actors, a weird montage in which some scenes are cut while in the middle of a dialog or an action... But it retains a special fascination if you are capable of watching it from an historical perspective. And some ideas are definitely good, not to say anticipatory: have you ever heard the story of a planet in which machines once built by mankind revolt against their owners and enslave them by stealing their vital energy? It sounds quite like The Matrix, isn't it? Well, don't expect other resemblances. Recommended only to the true science-fiction movies fanatics!

WAR OF THE PLANETS begins with flashing, beeping, and a toy spaceship floating around. The ship's crew are wearing red swim caps, perhaps to keep space mold from growing between their ears. The ship's computer, known as WIZ, drones on in monotone fashion, much like an industrial fan.

Astronauts leap from ship to ship, probably trying to escape this movie's pull of death. Actions take place for no discernable reason. A man screams as though something is happening. Nope. WIZ blathers on.

Meanwhile, on Earth, some sort of crisis has developed. Mysterious signals, sounding like chipmunks caught in a storm drain are transmitted to the ship. WIZ gives orders. We discover that the ship has an onboard orgasmatron. Even this is boring.

Lasers flash! Sound effects whoop and bloop! Spaceships spin! WIZ yammers on! My God, this is the Marianas Trench of boredom! Crushing tedium destroying our minds! Pray for us all!

This movie is cinematic arthritis, causing agony with no hope of relief! We know that somewhere, someone said, "Oh yeah, I saw STAR WARS. I can make a movie just like that!". This is the film that George Lucas could have made, had his brain been turned into tuna salad.

This, my friends, is sub-sludge without mercy...

Yup .. this piece of cinematic doodie, is terrible. Why, Oh why, do I have soft spot for crap movies .. we'll never know. At least I'm not the only one. Apparently this is a kind of follow on from "Planet of the Vampires" .. which although low budget, was quite an entertaining and atmospheric film. It's definitely NOT a Star Wars rip off as it has nothing to do with that.

It starts badly, teeters off in the middle, and the less said about the end the better. Best thing to do if you want to see this is with it on youtube .. there's a few places that have it. I certainly wouldn't buy it unless it's on one of those sci-fi movie box sets that contains 100 awful movies.

I won't dwell on the 'story' .. but needless to say it's badly made. Awful script ... if awful even comes close to describing it. One can't help but blame the director for a lot of the dumb performances because .. well .. it's his fault! Editing is okay, considering the crappy material they had to work with.

But hands down the biggest offence in this film is the music score. Ouch!! .. like being rogered with a prize winning cactus. John Barry proved you could have awesome music in a goody film (Starcrash 1978), so there's no excuse to phone in the score like they did here.

Watch it if you dare, or if you're a sucker for bad movie .. like me! This movie could have been saved if the boys and bots at MST3K had riffed it, sadly it wasn't awful enough for them :P

Would be a good film for a crap-fest!