Full Metal Ninja

This isn't just a bad movie; it's two movies edited together by a director notorious for wasting good fight footage by slapping it onto an unrelated plot(s). The far-more-interesting story involves a vengeance-seeking man, Eagle, who battles every manner of treachery to pay back the ruthless warlord who destroyed his family. Had Ho left it at that, he'd have had a decent movie on his hands--but no, not Ho. Instead, he cobbles onto that a laughably inept waste of celluloid involving two caucasian (French? French-Canadian?) "ninjas" (you know they are because their headbands read "Ninja!") also carrying out a vendetta, but the events leading up to that are offscreen. So what does this have to do with the other? NOTHING! But you do get to chuckle at the site of pink- and purple-clad "ninjas" (who look like dropouts from hair-dressing school) play-fighting with each other. Only the guy who made a mess of the other "Angel" series (the nonsensical trio, not the HK classics) could get by with something this atrocious. If you're a real fan of martial arts movies, don't waste your time and money on this stinker.

Well, where to start? This film is an absolute must for all Ninja movie fans. Totally outrageous in every sense, but also totally superb! Eagle, Superb! What a guy, insane sword action, brilliant dubbing combined with outright craziness does'nt even begin to describe him. My hero. He's a man on a mission and nobody will stop him, no henchman is good enough, no boss tough enough. Then you also have Boris, and Leon. Both Ninjas, caucasian of course, with bright colored outfits and little headbands that actually say "Ninja" on them, fantastic! These two have a sort of vendetta thing going and only one will live to tell! Hordes of henchmen are sent to stop Leon, but he's just too damn good. But not as good as Eagle. Along with these main characters you have some ancient mystics, monks and a little bit of romance for Eagle. There is not much more I can say to describe this gem of a movie. So I leave you with a taster of possibly the best film I have ever seen. If you see this anywhere, watch it, hire it, buy it. Whatever, just watch it.

This film, too good for words. Everyone puts in there best ever performance, and I think it should have got oscars. Special effects are the best, better than the karate kid, and the violence makes shogun assassin look like Henry: Portrait of a Cereal Killer. Any person who likes film should watch this, it's a nice one.

This was one of the last of the cut and splice ninja movies to be made by our old friends Joseph Lai and Godfrey Ho.

Alas-genre regular Richard Harrison is no where to be seen having by this time presumably escaped his contract with the aforementioned cinematic crooks (in fact Harrison reportedly felt so sullied by his experiences with Lai and Ho and their deceitful film making techniques that he more or less retired from the industry)

In his honoured place however steps forward Pierre Kirby (who also appeared in the demented classic that is 'Zombie vs Ninja', aka 'Zombie Rival-The Super Ninja Master') who actually does many of his own stunts and martial arts.

The ninja segments in this are as usual, quite hilarious, with the protagonists milling around proudly in their brightly coloured attire and sporting headbands with the word 'ninja' emblazoned in big letters upon them. The acting/dialogue as expected, is also a hoot - is there really anyone out there who can keep a straight face as the characters in these films interact with one another?!

Added to this, the original film into which the ninja segments have been edited is also actually very good in it's own right and involves a skilled swordsman called eagle in a tale of violent retribution.

All in all this is tremendous (and somewhat insane) fun!

This film had a few particularly entertaining scenes (e.g. the eggs, as mentioned above), but more interesting to me was the soundtrack. I caught snippets of Gustav Holst's "Mars, the Bringer of War," J.S. Bach's Tocatta and Fugue in D Minor, and a 1-2 second sound clip from Pink Floyd's "Saucerful of Secrets," amidst the freaky synthesizer noodling. Also, though the caucasian actors spoke English, their lines were dubbed anyway, increasing the camp value. "My life was saved by you." Over all, the movie is only worthwhile for fans of bad martial arts movies.