Near Death

This movie has one of the coolest stories I've seen in a long time. Three students researching supernatural activity come upon a mansion inhabited by ghosts from the 1950's. There is the spirit of an old film director: Willie Von Brahm, his star: Vena (a prettier version of Gloria Swanson from sunset boulevard), his leading man: Harlan, Doctor Blanchard etc. The whole cast is colorful and entertaining. I especially liked the scenes at the pawnshop and at the beach. Probably the best thing about this movie is the sets. The rooms in the mansion are really cool, you can see this is where most of the budget went. the camera work is so/so, the actors have good scenes. Also interesting is the subplot involving Markie selling dead bodies to the ghosts for money.

This lame-ass excuse of a zombie flick was even poor by turkey B-movie standards. Myself being a B-movie enthusiast, I've seen some 'grade A' B-movies in the past couple of years implying that a low budget + remarkable creativity + insightful directing can lead to an impressive finished product. Overall this movie gave me the impression that a bunch of undergraduate students majoring in film studies decided to reap up some cash and come up with this ingenious, deplorable piece of craptastic art called 'Near Death'. It's the agonizing pain that you will experience through your veins as you sit through this whole movie.

I would definitely watch this movie a second time...if I was strapped to a chair, with my eyelids stapled open and receiving a naked lap dance from Rosie O'Donell, hence forcing me to tilt my head sideways towards the T.V. In other words, AVOID AT ALL COSTS. Enough said.

By the way, if you DO get a chance to watch this movie (maybe flipping thru the channels during the graveyard shift and happen to stumble upon upon it on Mystery Science Theater 3000) watch how the lead practically shouts every line off a TelePrompter, overacting every scene - as if this movie is supposed to be the pivotal point in her fictitious acting career.

Near Death has all the elements of a straight-to-video movie: Hot guys, hot girls, lots of blood, good visuals, and plenty of scares. The actors are great, except there is one girl who is so bad that she sounds like a robot when she talks. It starts with these kids in a car out on the highway looking for a haunted mansion. They have a map and they argue a lot. When they finally find the place, they have an encounter with a team of ghosts. One of the girls falls in love with a ghost and is turned to the dark side. A bunch of people get butchered, and the two leads end up taking a shower together....hot!! The ghosts have to fight for their own survival, and you find out the secret of the movie, which is actually pretty trippy. I watched it again this morning.

I'm very surprised that this film was ACTUALLY released on DVD. When I purchased the DVD of this film, I was thinking.."Wow..I never heard of this movie..it seems interesting, with cannibals and such... and hey, the cover even looks cool!" Boy..was I WRONG. This movie was a horror movie cliché gone terribly wrong...There's something up with this house (saying this without spoilers) and these teenagers decide to investigate for a report, or something. The opening of this movie reminded me of a porno movie..and I mean, come on..was the shower scene REALLY necessary? And the filming angles aren't all that great, may I add. When they show the cannibals eating, it seemed like all they were eating was canned cranberry products. The 'gore' scenes didn't live up to the violence mentioned in the warning on the DVD, may I add. Also, the computer graphics was much too obvious. Frankly, I found this movie more of a comedy than a horror film. The actors were either overacting, or they seemed like they were not trying at all. The only character, I must say, that had somewhat good acting was Billy. The only result of this film after finishing it was inside jokes with my friend, since we were watching it together, laughing our asses off. I would not recommend this movie to anyone, unless you're in for a laugh of how corny this movie is. I will not watch nor buy another Castro movie. Ever.

And I have no friends because I watch crappy movies like this. Come on people, this movie is awesome! The opening scene is classic. Sure, the special effects in this movie are bad, but the gore is still pretty damn good. Lots of blood, gut-eating, although the plot is very weak and the acting is pretty bad. This is a huge HUGE improvement over Terror Toons (2002). Even though I liked Terror Toons, that is an awful, awful film. This one is slightly better. The acting is a little better, and the gore is a lot better. This is pretty watchable. I also got this for free, and it is worth free. If you like low budget movies with decent gore, bad acting, bad CGI effects, dumb plots, and one hottie who never gets naked, you will probably find Near Death a stunning and fun experience. Check it out, only 3 bucks in many stores.