The House of Usher

Poor attempt at the Edgar Allen Poe tale. . I was not invested as an audience member in the film. I actually walked out. I have better things to do with my time. The acting is wooden, the direction and editing are quite poor as well. Cinematography was so so, if not that motivated, predictable. Most everything about the film was predictable. Too bad, could have been a great little thriller. Shot digitally and projected that way, which made it look even worse. the production design wasn't that bad. It didn't get in the way nor stick its head out, which is good. The sound was often out of sync and looped after the fact. All in all, I was disappointed. It really isn't that hard with a story this good to make and even passable movie, but some how this director found a way to squander it all. Don't bother.

The 2006 House Of Usher film (as opposed to the countless other versions, most recently in 2008) is dull as all hell.

Plainly put. Not much else to say. It's far too bland to even bother typing a review. It's a shoddy little piece. Relatively faithful to the original story, but a bland and tiresome film regardless.

Move on. Buy something interesting. Like, I dunno, Blood Monkey- which I might review some time in the next few weeks.

Since an IMDb review requires 10 or more lines, I suppose I really must elaborate: The film is tosh. It's trash. It's garbage. It takes the dry classical texts of Poe and vacuum seals them, taking out what little life remained from the distinctly dated original works. It borrows only the most obvious aspects of the story, ignores subtlety, and pisses on the livelier bits of the original story. I'm hard pressed to care about it, and even more pressed to write a review for a film so utterly pointless.

Curse it. Curse it back to the burned out pit it most inevitably came from.

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There really isn't much story here, so it is hard to imagine how this film can be retold. However, there is a twist in this retelling that makes for some interesting imaginings.

It is a Gothic tale with a very wooden Austin Nichols as Roderick Usher, a man who is dying, and dying to continue the family linage, and the curse as well. Izabella Miko, a really hot choice, is his old girlfriend brought back to complete his mission. She is caught in his web, although one has to wonder why, as he has no charm whatsoever.

She tries to escape once she discovers the awful family secret, but it is to no avail. It is only through the intervention of the creepy housekeeper, Mrs. Thatcher (Beth Grant), that she has a chance. Mrs Thatcher hates her, so it's hard to see how she will escape.

That's pretty much it. Like I said, there is not a of of story in this creepy Gothic by Edgar Allen Poe. It would probably be better to see Roger Corman's version.

Or, you could wait later this year for the gay version.

The physiotherapeutic Jill Michaelson (Izabella Miko) has difficulties to date since her beloved Rick Usher (Austin Nichols) and his twin sister Maddy (Danielle McCarthy) left her without giving any explanation. Out of the blue, Rick calls her to tell that Maddy has died. Jill decides to travel to the House of Usher to attend the funeral of Maddy, who was her best friend in college and saved her life, and has a cold reception of the housekeeper Mrs. Thatcher (Beth Grant). When Jill is leaving the house, Rick invites her to have dinner and tells that Maddy and he have neurasthenia and is hyper-sensitive. The love is rekindled and Rick asks her to stay until the next weekend. Along the days, Jill makes love with Rick and is haunted by the ghost of Maddy. Sooner she discovers the dark secret of the cursed family Usher.

"The House of Usher" is another version of the short story of Edgar Allan Poe. The screenplay develops the drama and romance of Jill in a very slow pace but the resolution when Jill finds the bonds in the Usher Family is rushed and confused. The Polish Izabella Miko shines in this film and I look forward to see her again. My vote is four.

Title (Brazil): "O Mistério da Casa dos Usher" ("The Mystery of the House of the Usher")

If you love the classics and was hoping for something remotely related to Poe.... stay away from this one. Nurse Thatcher? That really took a lot of creativity - not. I mean, thats something Mel Brooks would come up with. As a matter of fact, "High Anxiety" has more to do with Poe's "The Fall of the House of Usher" than this crap. And, they should have got Cloris Leachman to play nurse Thatcher. Geez! This was bad. So bad. It was like something out of the far left wing of the democratic party. It was so bad. Like, maybe, Dennis Kucinich. In any event, there is no need to take the Tyleno PM with this bomb. 10 lines? I'm having a hard time coming up with ten lines. This movie was so bad you can't even say enough bad things about it.