Zwei zum Fressen gern

"Crocodile Alert" is one of those films that many will dismiss just for being based on a ridiculous premise, having terrible acting and abysmal direction. But for those of us who can look past this minor shortcomings and appreciate real cinema, there is a real gem of the seventh art.

The emotional investment of the main characters in their hunt for the beast that terrorizes their peaceful town is matched only by their complex and involved relationships that will keep you on the edge of your seat both literally and emotionally.

Do not, for one second, think that frequent display of breasts in this film is there just for the cheap titillation which adolescent males are susceptible to. Every scene has its semantic, and in the end artistic, purpose - to take the viewer further into their own soul.

And this is the ultimate goal of this film - to teach you something about yourself. For sure, if you sit through this one, you will find out something new, and maybe even disturbing about the very depths of your personality.

In the words of the poet, "10/10 would watch again"

A large crocodile escapes into a river in Germany while being clandestinely delivered to an illegal wildlife dealer. A female forensic expert teams with a former croc hunter and a journalist to catch the beast as the local police doesn't believe that a croc is on the loose in Germany.

The croc effects are quite good, a combination of real props and cgi. However, croc attack scenes are few and the croc's appearances are mostly limited to the first encounter of the heroes with it in a sewer early in the movie and the finale. Moreover, the croc's killing of people are off-screen.

The fat and short (and perhaps somewhat effeminate) journalist provides most of the comedic aspects.

The plus side of the movie, apart from the above-mentioned good sfx, is that the blonde female lead (a former German model and TV personality named Doreen Jacobi) is good-looking and provides an incentive to keep on watching the movie in the croc-free portions as well. The always welcome Jennifer Ulrich (of Wir sind the Nacht, a recent German female vampire movie, fame) is also on board as the croc hunter's daughter and even bares her breasts in one scene.

When a supposedly endangered crocodile is accidentally-released into the wild, a scientist teams with a former crocodile hunter to help track the beast down before it endangers the locals while avoiding the hunter who illegally bought the animal.

This was an overall enjoyable if slightly flawed effort. One of the biggest pluses here is the fact that there's a lot of time spent with a real crocodile in here, something that adds a lot of believability to the attacks and stalking done here by letting the cast interact with a physical being for once. Keeping the shots brief until the finale is also quite impressive at not overexposing the limited effects either so that they have a greater impact but more importantly allows the danger to come a lot more naturally with a realistic creature on display which is a great advantage in a creature feature. Likewise, those early attacks aren't bad at all either with a sparkling attack in the sewers while looking for several disappearances in the area and it even leads into a fine escape attempt from a car during the attack which furthers the action further. A secondary attack on swimmers after leaving a baited attempt to track it leads to some fun as well, and it all builds nicely to the finale where everything comes into play as the attack on the hideout leads to not only a firefight with the illegal hunters but also a lot of crocodile stalking and killing which helps it's extended length quite effectively throughout here. Otherwise, this one does tend to run into problems with the fact that the large majority of time is spent in here not doing much of anything. There's not a lot of attacks at all so the croc is kept off-screen a lot so it tends to feel like an afterthought to the two main human drama stories in the relationship between the hunter and his estranged daughter as well as his burgeoning romance with the scientist as they travel around the countryside with the reporter who's some of the most aggravating comic relief in the genre, and in the end this ends up leaving a large section of time without any attacks or action scenes to really try to reel in viewers. Likewise, the fact that this supposedly sets up the sequel in much the same manner doesn't really do much of anything at all in this one and comes off as rather lame and hackneyed to utilize such a finish, but it's more about how long and lifeless the scenes between the attacks really are here.

Rated Unrated/R: Graphic Violence, Language and Brief Nudity.