- [SpongeBob and Patrick are selling chocolate]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Remember, Patrick, flatter the customer.
- [knocks on door]
- Fish: Hello?
- Patrick: I love you.
- [Fish slams door]
- Even OLDER Lady: Ahh, chocolate. I remember when they first invented chocolate. Sweet, sweet chocolate... I always hated it!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Would you like to buy some chocolate?
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? Did you say... chocolate?
- Patrick: Yes, with or without nuts.
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? CHOCOLATE? CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!
- [SpongeBob and Patrick run away]
- Chocolate Fish: [shouting] CHOCOLATE!
- SpongeBob: No! No! Noooo!
- Chocolate Fish: AHAHAHA! FINALLY! I've been trying to catch you boys all day! Now that I've got you right where I want you...
- Chocolate Fish: [normal voice, holding up a pile of cash] I'd like to buy all your chocolate.
- SpongeBob: [chocolate falls out of Patrick's pants and he and SpongeBob melt] Thank you for your patronage.
- Injured Fish: I was born with glass bones and paper skin. Every morning I break my legs, and every afternoon I break my arms, at night I lie awake in agony until my heart attacks put me to sleep.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We're not doing so well Patrick. We need a better approach; a new tactic.
- Patrick: I know, let's get naked.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: No, let's save that for when we're selling real estate.
- [Mermaid Man is talking about his super hero costume]
- Mermaid Man: Power's all in the costume! Why else would we run around in colored undies?
- [pulls on his costume's "underwear" and snaps it]
- Squidward: [grinning mischievously] I can think of three good reasons.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [SpongeBob and Patrick are selling chocolate] Remember, Patrick. Flatter the customer. Make him feel good.
- [knocks on door]
- Customer: Hello?
- Patrick: I love you.
- Mermaid Man: You fiends can't win. You're out-numbered.
- Barnacle Boy: You senile bag of fish paste. There are three of us and only one of you.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Make that two.
- ManRay: The Quickster.
- Squidward: three.
- Barnacle Boy: Captain Magma.
- Patrick: Four.
- The Dirty Bubble: The Elastic Waistband.
- Sandy: Five.
- Barnacle Boy: M-M-M-Miss Appear.
- Mermaid Man: And me makes 10. I think.
- [Spongebob and Patrick have decided to use lies and flattery to sell their chocolate]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [to Elderly Lady] Hello, "young" lady.
- [winks at Patrick]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: We're selling chocolates. Is your mother home?
- Elderly lady: [shouts] Ma!
- [tiny wrinkled worm of a fish in a wheelchair comes out of the house]
- Even OLDER Lady: What? What? What's all the yelling?
- [SpongeBob and Patrick look at the mother with shock]
- Even OLDER Lady: You just can't wait for me to DIE, can you?
- Realistic Fish Head: [about Man Ray, the Dirty Bubble and Barnacle Man conspiring] These three have named their new alliance, Every Villain Is Lemons. Otherwise known as EVIL! What can we do? When will this crime wave end? How will we defeat the EVIL? Why am I asking *you* all these questions? Mermaid Man, where are you?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Remember, Patrick, focus.
- [knocks]
- Customer: Yes?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Good afternoon, sir, we're selling chocolate bars.
- Customer: [Patrick's eyes zoom in and out on the customer] Why is Chubby here staring at me?
- Patrick: Focusing.
- Customer: Back up, Jack!
- [slams the door on Patrick's eyes]
- Patrick: Oof!
- [moves his eyes around]
- Patrick: Nice place you got in here.
- ManRay, The Dirty Bubble, Pillow Fish: [the EVIL are terrorizing teenagers in their cars by shining flashlights at them while they're making out. One couple is scared] John and Nancy sitting in a tree! K-I-S-S-I-N-G!
- The Dirty Bubble: [points to another car] Ooh, shine the light in that car, Man Ray.
- ManRay: Heh-ha! With pleasure.
- [Man Ray shines his flashlight to that one car, and in the backseat there is a teenage boy kissing... a pillow]
- Pillow Fish: Hey, man, that's not cool.
- Barnacle Boy: We won. And the superhero-supervillain rules require you to do what I say.
- ManRay: World domination. Ask for world domination.
- The Dirty Bubble: Make him eat dirt.
- [Man-Ray gives him a curious look]
- The Dirty Bubble: In addition to the world domination thing.
- SpongeBob: How about we help you?
- Mermaid Man: No, that's a terrible idea! I've got it! How about *you* help *me*?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Quick, Patrick, without thinking: if you could have anything right now, what would it be?
- Patrick: Um... more time for thinking.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: What was the reason we bought those bags?
- Patrick: Um... he said we were mediocre.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Right! He made us feel special.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Looking through the magazine Fancy Living Digest with Patrick] Look at all these glossy pictures of a higher standard of living!
- [pointing at a picture]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: This guy's so rich he has a swimming pool in his swimming pool!
- Patrick: [Pointing at a picture of a rich guy surrounded by bags of money] This guy's got shoes!
- Mermaid Man: So, who wants to save the world?
- SpongeBob: I do!
- Patrick: I do!
- Sandy Cheeks: I do!
- Squidward: I don't.
- Mr. Krabs: Oh, yes you do, no world means no money! So go save the world, or you're fired!
- [Squidward crosses his arms and grumbles in protest]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Selling chocolate door-to-door] Hello, sir, would you like to buy some chocolate?
- Chocolate Fish: Chocolate? Chocolate! CHOCOLATE! CHOCOLATE!
- Barnacle Boy: I'm crossing over to the dark side!
- [We see that the Krusty Krabs is only half lit at one end]
- Mr. Krabs: Why should I waste money on lighting the whole store?
- Narrator: The International Justice League of Super Acquaintances! A subsidiary of Viacom.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Floppin' flounder, Mermaid Man! Makeout Reef!
- Mermaid Man: [pounding the table] Those fiends! Attacking hormonally stressed-out children!
- Squidward: [smiling dreamily] Ah, Makeout Reef. Good times, good times.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [Mermaidman and Barnacleboy have been holding up the line. SpongeBob whispers in Mermaidman's ear] Psst. Mermaidman, get a Krabby Patty.
- Mermaid Man: I have made my decision!
- [the line of customers cheers]
- Mermaid Man: One Krabby Patty for me, and a Pipsqueak Patty for the boy.
- Barnacle Boy: Now, wait just a darn minute!
- [the line of customers groans]
- Barnacle Boy: I don't want a Pipsqueak Patty, I want an *adult-sized* Krabby Patty!
- Mermaid Man: The Krabby Patty is too big for you. You'll never be able to finish it.
- Barnacle Boy: Don't you see what you're doing? You're treating me like a child!
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick sell their chocolate bars by lying about what their products do]
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It'll make your hair grow.
- Bald Fish: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: It'll make you sound smart.
- Hick Fish: I'll take twenty!
- Patrick: It'll keep your face from getting any uglier.
- Starfish: Just in time!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: They'll make you fly.
- Patrick: You'll fall in love.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: They'll bring world peace.
- Patrick: You'll walk through walls!
- SpongeBob SquarePants: You'll rule the world!
- SpongeBob SquarePants, Patrick: [SpongeBob and Patrick are wearing bandages, braces, and using crutches. They ring the doorbell and giggle under their breaths]
- Patrick: He-hee! This'll be our best lie yet.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Yeah! This guy will feel so sorry for us, he'll have to buy ALL of our chocolate bars.
- Injured Fish: [answers the door and peeks through the crack of the door] What can I do for you, boys?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: Hello, sir. Would you like to buy a chocolate bar? We need an operation.
- Injured Fish: Really? Small world.
- [the man reveals himself to be in a full body cast, with IV tubes attached to him]
- Injured Fish: What's the matter with YOU, boys?
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [bewildered] Um... we've got some head trauma and internal bleeding.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [SpongeBob and Patrick have arranged a private party for themselves and their dates] So... how long have you two ladies known each other?
- Even OLDER Lady: What? WHAT DID HE SAY?
- Barnacle Boy: I'm not a boy! I'm so old I've got hairs growing out of the wrinkles of my liver spots.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [selling chocolate by lying] I'll make your hair grow.
- Bald Fish: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard.
- SpongeBob SquarePants: [selling chocolate by lying] It'll make your hair grow.
- Lady Fish #1: Great! My wife's trying to grow a beard.
- Barnacle Boy: I'm crossing over to the dark side!
- [Half the restaurant is dark]
- Mr. Krabs: Why should I waist money lighting the whole store?