A Lesbian Christmas Story

Canadian "wonder boy" director Eric Boisvert/Ricky Greenwood lays an egg with this ridiculous porn comedy which has to be seen to be disbelieved.

Of course the Christmas hook is central, though the obvious portrayal of the perils of family gatherings is poorly developed. What emerges is the standard four lengthy XXX scenes, joined together by embarrassing overacting, slapstick and inept direction as if this was a stage play. Add in dumb, rhyming narration recited by Chanel Preston.

In that regard, worst moment for me was when Silvia Saige opens the door and a puff of snow is thrown into her face from off-screen- that old saw dating back a century from a W. C. Fields comedy, usually accompanied by his line "It ain't a fit night out for man nor beast".

Similarly archaic is the casting of drag queen Jackie Beat in a major role, he having done several porn movies back in the 1990s. He plays Ms. Bell, mother of heroine Eve (poorly played by nonentity porn starlet Rocky Emerson, a graduate from fetish video land). Jackie overacts miserably, is completely unfunny, and merely underscores how the movie fails by either high or low camp standards.

Along for the ride, most of them also encouraged to overact, are tall Aiden Ashley as a maid who eventually ends up in the sack with Rocky; Joanna Angel doing her usual thing with her hot young niece Jade Baker; Charlotte Stokely as an ultra-sexy golddigger ex-lover of Silvia Saige, SS saddled with a lousy role as a nasty meanie; and Sabina Rouge, self-indulgent as a foot-fetishist humping blonde Jessie Saint among the shoes in a mirrored closet area.

Closeted pretty much sums up this nonsense, designed to antagonize a porn audience rather than achieve even the modest goal of seeming hip. It even feels at times like a misguided effort for Sweetheart Video, which used to be a source of quality, serious Sapphic porn under the regimes of Nica Noelle and Dana Vespoli, to emulate its competitor, the nearly always facetious/silly upstart Girlsway from Bree Mills. Bad move.