Ouija Shark

I need to preface this review with the fact that I LOVE bad Shark movies. Most of them are so bad that I quite enjoy laughing at them. House Shark, Ghost Shark, and Sharknado are prefect examples of movies that know how bad they are and roll with it. This movie takes itself WAY too seriously! It's bad... really, really, REALLY bad. I'm normally a champion of microbudget horror and all of the great bad movies it can bring. This one though? Yikes! The plot is discombobulated, the acting is wooden... so, so wooden. One of the characters spends the entire movie looking straight in one direction while quite possibly reading his lines off of cue cards. The police uniforms are just postman jackets with a police emblem ironed onto the shoulder. No weapon, no badge... just the jacket. It's 71 minutes and feels like it's 4 hours. The Shark is the only thing I got even the slightest bit of satisfaction from. It's a cheap rubber puppet, which COULD have been a plus, but in this case it wasn't, because they showed it too much, and you get tired of it. I don't normally care if a movie has nudity or not, but in this case, I think it actually may have helped make it at least a tad watchable. I can honestly see why this movie spent 2 years on the shelf. I kind of wish it had stayed there. The fact that I now have this in my DVD collection actually makes me kind of nauseous. I seriously cannot recommend this movie to ANYONE!!! Run away. Run far, far away. Once you think you're far enough away... keep running!!

To everyone involved in making such movies, what makes you do it?

This is just embarrassing. 99% of the budget must have gone to the poster and title which make it seem like it is at least possible this could be worth watching or at least funny. But no this is horrible in every way possible. A terrible script if there even is one at all, actors who are clearly just a group of friends who decided one day "let's make a movie!" and the lowest technical quality you can imagine. Why would you people even make this? Don't you feel any embarrassment?

Usually I can at least have a laugh at this rubbish. I couldn't even laugh at this one. The acting is not even acting. It is appallingly. Everyone involved in this piece of crap should never be allowed to step foot near a film protect again. However, if you are looking for fat chics in bikinis, you've come to the right place. WARNING: Don't press play.

It is literally EXACTLY what you think it will be.