Dungeon Girl

As it already has been said - I have watched hundreds of movies in my life, and a lot of them have been really bad. This one, however, is by far the worst. I was sickened - and not by the plot - but simply by the lack of quality in both the story and execution. I could have made this when I was 10.

I was so frustrated with the way the story was told - in thoughts by the young girl, who tried to sound as deep as possible. It was just too simple. This story had the potential to be a descent movie - and what is the outcome? A movie which leaves me thinking I've wasted one hour and twenty minutes of my life. And don't get me started on the execution of it - bad quality, bad angles, bad effects, bad actors. Everything was just awful. If you like watching a movie - and then getting frustrated by how terrible it was, then watch it. If not, stay as far away from this movie as possible.

It all seemed to be rushed - And if that was the case: You will not make much money by getting a film inspired by the Kampusch-case out first, if it's THIS bad.

From Ulli Lommel, the director who has mastered neither porn nor narrative, comes this fusion of the worst of both genres. The mindlessness of porn and the jarring, non-resolution of clumsy narrative are combined in this "to be missed at all costs" disaster of a film. Ever wonder what Hollywood means when they say "Based upon actual events"? That's just their way of saying "Once upon a time". In other words, the tale spun so maladroitly in this film has little in common with the real story. The director seems to have a prurient fascination with the fact that the actual young woman became a "media darling" after her ordeal. My impression of Lommel....hmmm...DaFoe's portrayal of a director in the comedic 2007 Rowan Atkinson film comes pretty close.

I loved Ulli Lommel's early eighties horror films The Boogeyman and The Devonsville Terror. They were great and Tenderness Of The Wolves was at least a real movie with a plot.

This new spate of work is the absolute pits. Remembering the good times, I keep coming back for more punishment, lured by the lurid box art and the promise of explicit content. I keep thinking that maybe the next movie will be better but they only get worse.

Dungeon Girl is the worst one yet. Absolute in its despicable worthlessness, it wallows in its own boredom. Nearly the whole film takes place in a small house where the two characters look at each other and do almost nothing.

I know that there are lovers of bad movies out there that read the horrible reviews and want to see something based on what they read. I must warn you that this isn't one of those movies that are so bad they're good, unless you want very badly to see a middle aged man masturbate. This really is so bad it's awful! I don't say the word unwatchable very often.

You'll probably not listen.

This movie is an absolute disaster. It's a lurid melodrama with no sense of plot or purpose. Dungeon Girl is a truly awful movie, not worth the price of a rental. Avoid this at all costs, it's not even worth seeing even just for the sake of seeing how truly bad it is, unless you just happen to be in an extremely masochistic mood. That said, there's a directors commentary on there and since I've already made the mistake of renting the movie, I'm almost tempted to run through the movie again with the commentary playing just to try to figure out what the folks who made this mess of a movie were thinking. Or, at the very least, what they were smoking. I can't really add anything that hasn't already been said about this movie, but I did just want to add my voice to the warnings in the hopes that maybe somebody, somewhere, can save the price of the movie rental and put the 90 or so minutes of their lives they would have spent watching this movie to better use. I should have checked the reviews here before I rented the movie myself. Unfortunately, this seems fairly representative of the quality of movie Lionsgate is releasing these days. Move along, nothing to see here.

Dungeon Girl (2008)

** (out of 4)

My never ending parade of German director Ulli Lommel's "real life" movies continues with this one, which steps away from the horror genre and enters the drama category. This one tells a story that happened in Austria as a young girl was kidnapped and held hostage by a man for nearly six years. The entire running time centers on voiceovers as the girl tells her feelings for her parents, her life before the abduction and for her kidnapper known only as The Stranger. Again, I've seen all of Lommel's "real life" movies that have been released so far and this one here took me by a pleasant surprise. Not that I'd ever sit through the thing again but at least Lommel tried something different and didn't just deliver the same old garbage. I think what really helps this film is Wendi Jean Linn as the girl and Gunther Ziegler as The Stranger. We really don't get to see them "act" since most of the film is structured around voiceovers but this is beneficial since the majority of Lommel's recent films have been even worse due to the bad acting. Here, they at least look the parts well and the narration by Gwen Trevathan is really good. The film is way too slow and too much stuff is repeated for it to be considered a marginally good film. I'm really not sure what Lommel's obsession is with having a character look into the camera, ask questions and then constantly reuse this footage. Also, the running time of 81 minutes is the norm for his recent films but he might want to consider cutting them down to a hour or less. This is how "B" and "Z" movies were back in the day so he might want to revisit that. With that said, this is still a weak film but it's a lot better than anything the director's have given us over the past decade but then again, that's not saying too much.