Cannibal Troll

I can't post the review until I type up at least 150 characters, so I will do the work that should've been done when naming the movie...

Can·ni·bal noun

• an animal that feeds on flesh of its own species.

I deduct one star retroactively, since you can't give 0 stars.

Sure, when I sat down to watch the 2021 horror movie titled "Cannibal Troll" and from what I saw on the movie's cover, I must admit that I wasn't really expecting much of anything grand here.

But still, as it was a horror movie that I hadn't already seen, of course I sat down to watch it. But it quickly became apparent that I was in for a stinker here. A real stinker at that.

The storyline is pretty straight forward, as you would expect from a horror movie that very much is reminiscent of something you'd see in an early 1980s horror movie. And not the good early 1980s horror movies, mind you.

Then there was the troll. Wow. Just wow. Seriously? You dress a guy up in what could best be regarded as a poor man's "Lord of the Rings" orc costume, and even with clothing appropriate to that fantasy movie, and you call it a cannibal troll? Well, my hat is off to writer Scott Jeffrey for attempting this. I mean, seriously, this was so obviously a latex mask, given there was no articulation in it whatsoever, not even when the troll was making grunting sounds.

If you enjoy horror movies and want to be entertained and watch a proper horror movie that offers scares, blood and perhaps some gore, and say, oh I don't know, entertainment, then do yourself a favor and stay well clear of "Cannibal Troll" from directors Scott Jeffrey and Rebecca Matthews.

The acting in "Cannibal Troll", well, it was as to be expected from a movie of this magnitude. So don't get your hopes up.

"Cannibal Troll" feels like a high school film class project, and it isn't work the time or effort.

My rating of this movie lands on a generous two out of ten stars.

Beautiful people getting hacked via bad FX, yes its another horror monster movie with bad acting, and its nothing original.

The FX are bad, the monster looks bad and pretty much the rest of the movie.

The worst acting ever... Horrible quality, the troll costume looks like it's from party city. Stupid Scenes and terrible script for the actors!!!

Sadly let down by poor script and very low budget. The troll seems to live outside human society but in a shed made from machined timber and fitted with windows and mortise locks. The internal walls are even dry lined.

Actors deliver their lines as if reading them for the first time, with no idea of context. Much is made in the opening scenes of compass directions - "Don't go north", "We will head south", yet nobody has a compass and their map reading skills are such that they do not initially notice that they are standing beside a 12th century church that is not on the map.

Not that it matters anyway, since they never venture more than a few metres from their campsite, and are never away from waymarked paths, cultivated fields, tended grass.

A sub-plot involves a cleric who dresses in full ecclesiastical garb to tend an unused church, while other sub-plots involve a husband-to-be who sounds like a caricature, a gay relationship, a pregnant woman who cannot find a man, the bride's mother turning up for the hen party without the bride's knowledge, captives who escape repeatedly from the troll but never go to the town that is visible from the viewpoint where much of the action takes place.

The actor playing the mother appears in another film by the same director. The impression is one of a group of friends working together, making for a happy atmosphere and an enjoyable experience for participants, but scenes are padded out with meaningful pauses, silences, stares and huge overacting.

The potential is there but the product is tiring to watch.