Metal Man

This is what would happen if the MCU was a low budget Cinematic universe. Iron Man would've been considered one of the worst movies of all time. This is the movie I think of, A Horribly put together mess. I wouldn't recommend this movie to ANYONE.

wow. like somebody had a halloween costume that kinda resembled Ironman and someone else had a camera and everyone decides " Hey gang, let's make a movie..we've got a costume and a camera!" Acting is high school play quality. The rare 'special fx' are perhaps the only good thing in this, one hesitates to call it, film, tho limited to force shields and morphing. Reggie 'Phantasm' Bannister stands around wearing a lab coat and almost no hair now except that famous pony-tail and reads cue-cards in a semi-Conscious state--not unlike the state this movie produces in it's watchers. surely you've got something better to do with your time. even syfy channel wouldn't show this. Useful only as a sleep-aid. Do not operate heavy machinery after watching this movie. Side effects may include drowsiness, lack of focus, drooling, loss of faith in humanity, and rectal leakage.

If there exists another film out there that matches the quality (or massive lack of) of this one, then I might as well give up with life. This isn't a film in so much as an experience, much like toothache, or a migraine is an experience. This marks a new low for films, and if you ever see a copy of it lurking unawares, like a rapist, in your local pound-shop, buy it and burn it. God will smile upon you.

Let's look at this film on a critical level: a mad scientist decides to turn a teenager (who's about 30) into a sub-level Iron Man, complete with dodgy helmet and unspecified powers. As he is being tested in a cold room (?) goons and a gang boss enter and kill the scientist, leaving the boy/man stuck in the suit forever. The goons then go and kill the boys family, for some reason. The boy swears revenge, which goes against the oft repeated fact that he has 'a strong sense of right and wrong'. This is a fact that is repeated by various characters every five minutes. I think the makers, sadists that they must be, decided that every time a character said it, they should down a pint. It would see them through the production of this tank, at the very least.

There is a hammy villain, who clearly wants his way with his dead best friends daughter. There is a duff helmet, which does something to a poor girls head to make it seep blood. There is a token Chinese goon who gets kicked in the balls. There is a prologue which couldn't serve less of a purpose. There is a scene at the beginning in which the boy/man tries to talk to a girl/woman, and fails. I'll see you next Wednesday, she says to him. That was exactly what I uttered to my sanity when I pressed the off button on my DVD player.

Then there's the question of the suit itself, which has no real purpose, and is yet the most important thing in the film. It can't be removed, or so I gathered, but that's okay, because if you say 'stealth' it just disappears for a bit. To navigate the minefield of eating, the scientist made some green stuff that the man/boy could hold next to his neck to provide nourishment, and to open your mind. It gives you super powers, which the dead best friend's daughter proclaims to be 'really awesome'. Because the scientist predicted his death, he made an AI version of himself to speak to the man/boy in the helmet. The list goes on.

The truth be told, I could write a book on the flaws of this film. The fact that it looks like it was made on an iPhone camera, and edited by a blind person comes to mind. The script, which doesn't just recycle the typical clichés but regurgitates them also is also a major factor. In reality, though, just think to yourself, was this film ever going to be good? No, no, no, no and no. Even with the budget of Avatar this film would have tanked.

If you think you'll watch this on the grounds that it could be amusing, pick something passable like Megashark VS Giant Octopus (which looks like an Oscar winning epic next to this) to fill your time. This goes beyond funny and into the realms of 'Oh-my-god-did-they-really-just-put-that-on-screen?'. Treat this film with the kind of contempt you would reserve for terrorists or back-alley dentists. Avoid eye-contact. Don't let it come to your attention. Walk away quickly. This isn't a review, more of a public warning. Never, ever, watch this film. I couldn't wish that torture on my fellow man.

This is just unbelievable. As a home piece it may be funny for the authors to laugh at their piece. As a joke for the beer party it works pretty well. But this piece made it to the retail somehow and it is being sold for real money, which is not funny. Not at all. I think this may be acceptable for early morning cable TV, but it is way too stupid, uninventive and just dull. The "superhero" movies are usually not the brightest ones, but this is only derivative of the derivative - completely predictable and boring. No decent effects, pathetic combat, just tons of boring talks. On a positive side - the black haired girl (Katherine Pawlak) is really pretty and she is probably the only one that seems not to overact horribly. So one point for her. As for the script and director: I do hope this is just a home movie attempt. Please do not make any other movies for sale - find another job instead.

I watched this expecting a terrible movie but my gosh was it worse then I anticipated. It was 2 hours I will never get back and I honestly would rather sit through an hour of Justin Bieber then whatever this is!