The Scrotum

After shaving his balls in a lake contaminated by radioactive sludge, Tyler (Ryan A. Renfro) is compelled to hack off his knackers, the severed scrotal sac and testicles mutating into monsters that chase after Tyler's girlfriend Lindsay (Kelsey Tweed).

The Scrotum is cheap. Way too cheap to do its absurd premise justice. The special effects are cheap, the acting is amateurish, and the direction and editing are shoddy, with tacky scene transitions and uninspired tinted POV shots for the testicular attack scenes. The continuity also sucks, Lindsay grabbing a chainsaw to fight back against the rampaging genitalia, only for the saw to magically turn into hedge clippers.

There is the possibility that much of the ineptitude is intentional -- the totally inappropriate use of opera music and slow motion for the testicle attack scenes has to be deliberate -- but this doesn't alter the fact that The Scrotum is bollocks.

2/10. A real test(es) of one's patience.

It's a very progressive movie. Not many films are willing to show a mans scrotum but this movie is made by a true creative. When someone dies in the movie, they have died. The various qualities of camera used throughout the movie help to build an atmosphere of confusion and dread that you feel in every part of you. As a resident evil fan, this movie was made by a person who had probably played a resident evil game. There was a protagonist. This film also has many actors of various religious backgrounds and genders. But most of you don't care about all that, if you are looking for a film for all the family, Shrek the Halls is alright.

A young couple, Tyler and Lindsay, are out camping in the great outdoors. They are getting very intimate but she won't "finish him off" unless he shaves off his pubic hair. So off to the lake he does trot and starts shaving his fake genitals. Unfortunately for Tyler some toxic waste has been illegally dumped in the water. He returns to unlucky Lindsay but during their resumed sex he experiences extreme pain and castrates his fake privates. His balls mutate into a blood thirsty monster and the rest of the film has numerous people killed in gory fashion. This is a very low budget movie so don't expect good acting or effects, much of the gore looks like offal from a butcher's shop and probably was. The ridiculous plot means that it's way too stupid to be taken as a serious horror movie, likewise it's not funny enough to work as a credible comedy either. Nice lakeside location though. The running time may only be 64 minutes but that was long enough. If you make it to the end credits then stick with it as there is a post credits scene, it really doesn't add much to the story but does last maybe a minute or so. So if you are looking for a silly short gore fix and provided you don't mind micro budgets then Scrotum may be worth a look.

This movie is only 64 minutes yet feels like a lifetime. Pointless slo-mo and classical music does nothing for one particular seen. None of the characters endear themselves to you. A guy was dragged off the toilet while taking a dump, nothing in the toilet, completely clean. More padding than a fat girls ass. Again slo-mo and classical, don't they realise this is a movie about killer testicles. One of the characters was a scientist help to develop this chemical agent but is also one of the guys that drove a barrel of it in a van to throw in some random river but not using a suitably sturdy barrel to survive the fall. I actually like B movies but save yourself an hour and avoid.

Surprisingly, there is a plot to this so-called movie. Toxic chemicals mutate testicles into murderous monsters. There you go. Now that you know what it is about, you can save yourself the hour and very few minutes it takes to watch it. Every male character is a short-lived idiot. I'm not even going to start asking all the questions I still have about the monster. Okay, maybe I'll ask a couple. How does a mutated testicle become physically large enough and strong enough to not only kill full-sized adults, but pursue them at top running speed and worse, drag their bodies around? Yes, these critters are quick enough and have the endurance to chase down a van with enough strength left over to kill the driver. I watched this film constantly wondering how bad it could get. The answer is 'Pretty Freaking Bad', and not in the 'so-bad-it's-good' way, either. It's awful to anyone capable of reason, yet for some reason it spawned a sequel. I'll leave that review to someone else.