The Siege

This is one of those rare gems that literally every aspect of the movie is a fail. The bad acting, awful script, terrible fight choreography and a tired overused cliche of a story line. If they had taken a fraction of the effort on the story as opposed to the main character trying to show off his muscles then maybe this movie could have just been bad. As it is I am struggling to think of a worse movie I have seen, even Battlefield Earth looks like a masterpiece compared to this utter garbage.

Save yourself the hour and bit (seemed a lot lot longer) and skip this utter trash. It gives B movies a bad name.

Remember Kingsmen? That franchise showed it was possible to build a franchise by riffing off an idea that might seem a little loony at first glance. This low-budget but promising little indie starts with the premise that there is an un-named organization that does nothing else but repackage and relocate professional killers who fail to eliminate all witnesses during an assignment, and are therefore at risk. If you can handle that premise, there is not much amiss with Siege that a little more budget would not have fixed. Daniel Stisen has both the size and the charisma to handle his first leading role. The script has ups and downs, but more of the former than the latter. The action is regular and pleasantly distracting. ((Designated "IMDb Top Reviewer." Please check out my list "167+ Nearly-Perfect Movies (with the occasional Anime or TV miniseries) you can/should see again and again (1932 to the present))

Who ever promised that I would laugh throughout the entire runtime is a liar. Maybe if I'd been higher than a kite, hopped up on acid, taking a psychedelic trip, maybe, just maybe, I might have laughed.

There wasn't an original thought, speech or scene in the entire movie. Others have been there and done this soooooo many times. I have no clue as to who the leads are, and honestly, do not care. Their acting was horrible. The could have been given the best script on the plant and still could not have acted their way out of wet paper bags.

They guy with the muscles should have spent less time in a gym and more time with an acting coach. And then maybe he would be able to move his arms normally. As for the chick, she may be ok in something else, but good grief.

I promise you will laugh throughout the entire runtime - in between eyerolls and cringes. I can understand and appreciate a low budget, but not even a zero budget would have a lead actor this bad. I can only assume that the wannabe Rambo (complete, with arm and head-band), Daniel Stisen, with mostly uncredited and short-film experience, won the lottery, and paid producers to be cast as a lead action star. The outdated tank-top look - also worn in his previous film, has come and gone back in the 80's. His raspy whisper voice sounded like he was holding back having an aneurysm from constantly flexing throughout the entire film, which was hilarious to constantly have to see. Keep flexing those lats so the arms stick out more lol.

Then you have long dragged out scenes in a screenplay riddled with plot and technical issues, that even with the decent pacing, the normally comfortable 97 min runtime felt much longer. Never mind all the cliched characters and dialogue, and the predictability of the entire story that's been done many times before and much better. Even the fight scenes were poorly choreographed and felt endless with how long, dragged out and boring they were, although the double hammers were the only nice touch of all the fight scenes.

Even the score was the most annoying, even for a B film. It was loud, overbearing and constant, and we were on the floor rolling around laughing with the Looney Tunes music. I'm surprised one of the characters weren't named Elmer Fudd. The only redeeming quality was the somewhat decent directing, considering how flaccid the screenplay was. There were some good shots, especially with the lightning storm in the beginning. But either than that, there's no reason to waste your time watching this, if only to get drunk and laugh at how bad this and the acting is. It's a generous 3/10 from me, because newb writers have to start somewhere, and the concept was somewhat inviting, albeit poorly executed.

Words cannot express how horrible this movie is.

There is nothing else to say besides save the 1.5 hours of your life and read a book.

There are no redeeming features for this movie.

Here's the main issues; The plot is weak and forced. Acting is very poor, though the terrible script probably didn't help the actors.

Poor casting.

The big hero is just walking around and flexing his biceps and mumbling his lines through the whole movie.

Special effects look like they were done by a 5 year old - Was the director even awake?

Already mentioned the terrible script, but it was worth another mention.

In summary, don't waste your time.