Poolman

Maybe it was me, maybe it was the film.. maybe it was the dialogue ... that is time that I will never get back. I could not even find entertainment value in this film. Truly I must have missed the point of Poolman; love the actors and a big fan of their work yet this movie let me down.

Chris, your next project will be the winner. Let's get this on the shelf so others might not find themselves flipping channels and saying the same thing.. that's time I'll never get back.

The idea of intrigue, corruption, film noir and comedy only works with certain filmmakers (I think Coen brothers) so for now, take this review with a grain of salt ..

I think Chris Pine's intention was to create an homage to LA noir movies of yesteryear peppered with a bit of crime, a bit of mystery and a bit of dark comedy. Trouble is I don't think any of it landed.

The movie looks good. It's well shot and has the visual feel I imagine was intended.

The plot, rather than being intriguing and complex is an absolute mess, the comedy doesn't land and Pine's attempts to create a deep and tragic lead just result in an annoying, waffling buffoon.

The cast is pretty underused in my opinion. Annette Benning, Danny DeVito and Jennifer Jason-Leigh should be offering plenty of clout but really are bit parts.

Not for me I'm afraid.

By day, Darren Barrenman (Chris Pine) is a pool man. With his circle of friends, he is constantly presenting miniscule issues to the city council and filming his never-finished documentary. He is the thorn in the side of council president Stephen Toronkowski (Stephen Tobolowsky). Out of the blue, the mysterious June (DeWanda Wise) recruits him to take down Toronkowski for unknown corruption. Susan Kerkovich (Jennifer Jason Leigh) is his girlfriend. Jack Denisoff (Danny DeVito) is his documentary director. Diane Esplinade (Annette Bening) is his therapist. Wayne (John Ortiz) is his minion.

The story may be riffing off of Chinatown, but the movie is very much looking to imitate The Big Lebowski. Chris Pine is writing and directing. As the lead actor, he is very much doing the Dude. I like his attempt. He's not holding back. He has surrounded himself with plenty of great actors. The problem boils down to the script and filmmaking. In those respects, Pine is no Coen brothers. It's not there in the details and I want changes to the last act.

I understand why people are panning this film. It's extremely off the beaten path. Hollywood does replication and repetitiveness very well. There are so few new ideas. That's why we see endless remakes of comic films and outer space franchises. How man Bond films are there? By the way, this is nothing new. The earliest films in America were inspired, in part or in whole, by other, earlier works.

As film viewers, we've become accustomed to this paradigm. So much so, as evidenced in other user reviews, when we don't get it, we get upset. "Poolman" is an odd film. I don't think anyone would dispute that. But it's odd on purpose. Pine was clearly sending up old tropes, like the ones the Sam Spade films, and "Chinatown". This film is not typical Hollywood fodder. I enjoyed the breath of fresh air and a tongue firmly planted in cheek. :-D.

Everything, and I mean everything about this movie is egregiously bad. An offensive waste of time and talent.

What it is a forensic examination of pool maintenance filmed in the style of Chinatown.....I am not kidding.

I dare anyone to not feel bored by this after half an hour and I double dare them to watch to the end.

Yes Chris, of course you can make a movie with Danny DeVito and Annette Benning and a bunch of your other friends. And, of course you can write it and direct it having done neither of those things before.

The writing, direction, plot, cinematography, acting and editing seek only to confuse and annoy in equal measure.

This may be the worst movie ever made. And I'm still not kidding.