Stockholm Bloodbath

... for if this is what hell feels like, and by this, I mean watching this movie, then I'll promise I won't ever sin again.

Watching this from start to finish is pure agony. The movie does not know what it wants to be. Is it a comedy? Is it a drama? Is it gore? Is it historical? Is it fiction? We don't know, be because the movie wants to be all of these things and none of it simultaneously, in a regurgitating blending that makes no sense making it difficult to take it seriously.

The acting doesn't help, which it is very unconvincing and at times upsetting by how bad it is.

What is nice though, with the exception of a few scenes, are the effects and overall cinematography. It is clear they they spend much more time and money on that, than in acting or scripting.

Not reccomeneed, at all!

Please, dear directors and what not, do proper screen testings and quality assurance before producing or releasing your movies and spare us poor viewers the agony of sitting through your self indulging productions!

Three stars awarded for the two leads who at least put up a decent performance, but that's about it.

It tries to be a bit Kill Bill, a bit A Knights Tale and epically failing at both. The script is either bad or non-existent. I get the feeling that the director just put up a series of half assed improv-sketches in costumes and cut them together to resemble a movie. I am struggling to see a red thread or at least a plan at all behind it all.

Some yelling, some swashbuckling, some more yelling and everything wierdly cut together to a porridge of gore. Thank God Alba August and Sophie Cookson do a good job of killing Danes and being bad ass. With a narrative more focused on them and less on the group of yelling men trying to resemble Danes, this might have been at least watchable.

This movie was bad. It was very slow and tedious, except for the battle scene whitch lasted about 5 minutes and was the only good thing about the picture.

The 2 hours and 20 minutes that was left was watching a boring, slow movie who tried to be funny, horrific and dramatic all at once, but failed at all.

When you find yourself hoping it to end soon, about half way in, is a bad sign.

But it just keept on going on forever without anything exciting happening.

I don't recommend this to anyone, not even to Danes who might enjoy watching Swedish innocent farmers getting cut in half.

2 hours and 25 minutes later, and my life is a little worse after the experience.

This could actually have been great if the aim was a coherent story about one of the most interesting and dramatic events in Nordic history,

Clearly made for a global Generation Z Netflix generation it aims big. It's loud, there's alot of swearing and frequent use of the F-word and the costumes, scale and the vibe is pretty much spot on.

But at the same time it doesn't trust its audience, meaning that danish and swedish actors all speak english, most with an accent. But why? To maximize the potential for it to be a hit when it hits streaming? This is a weird choice for a period piece, Actually it's as cringe as if Hitler spoke english in the epic germanmade movie called 'Der Untergang' ('The Downfall').

But I could forgive all that if I was engaged in the plot. But I wasn't. Imagine that... there's so much they could have done with this. So many directions and opportunites. They just had to stick to one clear narrative. Because one moment it's trying to be Game of Thrones, the next a Shakespearean drama and the next something entirely else.

It was like being served a main course with a steak, a cake and a piece of pineapple on the plate. Each indiviually great tasting it itself, but mixed together....

Mildly entertaining movie, better than many B-grade films. However, the dialogue is modern day, rather than period accurate, which makes it out of place, as is some of the music and dance sequences. There is a lot of strange split screen editing that just doesn't fit. The attempts at humor fall flat, as does the movies attempt to made the female leads into heroic avengers.