Cocaine Shark

I wish I could rate Cocaine Shark a 0/10. A 1 is too high.

Everything on the cover is a lie. There is no cocaine in this "movie". There is no great white shark. There certainly is no shark eating a block of cocaine or getting covered in it.

Instead, you get a plot revolving around human consumption of a fictional drug derived from a gland within shark bodies... or something. Whatever it is, it's definitely not cocaine. There's scenes of people lying in bed together and taking the drug and talking about it.

The closest thing to a shark here is a plastic creature with a hammerhead shark head and a lobster body which chases the main characters.

Guess this is the logical end result of taking what's already an intentionally bad movie in Cocaine Bear and using it to sell something else, where nothing other than the cover art matters. It's not a ripoff of Cocaine Bear, that would require a plot and content with any resemblance to it- rather, you will feel ripped off, even if you watch it for free.

Laughably bad movie but highly entertaining. Beware the shark/lobster hybrid. Probably based on a Godzilla critter. The villains are supposed to be from Latin America but are a couple white dudes the casting director probably found in a local bar. The mysterious femme fatale from Belgium has zero accent. She's probably the bar maid. Fake blood made from jello. On so on. In these days of bad news and doom scrolling a really good trashy movie can provide fun. Can't wait til Rifftraks jumps on this party boat. If you're watching this film you're a fan of weird mutant animal films. As far as tge genre goes this one was watchable.

If you've seen Cocaine Bear and are excited to see what Cocaine Shark has to offer, may be you should hold your horses. Originally titled Kanizame Shakurabu, this movie was renamed to shamelessly cash in on Cocaine Bear, to the point where the cover art for the DVD/blu-ray is literally marketing a movie that doesn't actually exist. To be clear, there's very few sharks in this and even less cocaine.

Cocaine Shark may actually have found life just selling exactly what it is, a very silly B movie featuring mutated creatures, bad acting, and cheap effects. It does at least remain humourous, since the movie is very well aware of how bad it is, and stop motion and cheesy graphics are always a pleasure.

Cocaine Shark feels like a student movie, or something that would have aired on the SyFy Channel. It's not as bad as it seems, but also not good either.

I watched this movie as part of a binge of movies related to animals on cocaine. I was sorely disappointed that this movie was not about sharks that were high on cocaine and terrorizing people. The sound track was not terrible, much better than some others, but not as good as Sharkula's soundtrack.

That said, entertaining to watch and laugh at. The cheesy graphics and acting was enough to keep me entertained for the duration of the movie. This is right alongside the other movies from some of the same actors and producers. Definitely worth a watch through with a big bowl of popcorn and your close sarcastic friends.

I was impressed with some of Mark's DIY creative choices, but that's always been something I love about Polonia movies. They've always got effort and creativity and a rotating group of actors you actually love watching.

I asked myself if Dustin Ferguson watched this and took some notes for his own Cocaine Cougar that I haven't been able to make myself watch and then I remembered he's completely delusional so of course he didn't. He also had his movie on shelves 3 weeks after Cocaine Bear debuted so I doubt he even watched that. The reviews I read for it say it's the exact same formula he always uses just with a terrible cgi cat thrown in at random places.

Anyway, this would probably be a 3.5 on a regular scale, but I'm rating it on the Ferguson Bell Curve so it's a 4.