Monster on a Plane

Is he too old for that ... stuff? No pun intended and yes I know it's a famous line from a different actor! That's the fun with this - and if you had an issue with the joke I made ... well I should warn you, the quality of jokes in this movie ... and the quality of "acting" (intended and not) ... well there may not be a bottom to that barrel - just saying and warning.

Still if you suspend your disbelief and like movies with blood (and some nudity), with terrible one liners and a lack of a script ... well you could do worse I reckon ... which might have been funnier too than whatever it is we got here.

Still the actors know what they are in (movie wise but also sometimes body wise) ... and the monster that also is practical (to see and to touch as you may say) ... well quite the critter .. well it is what it is ... and you should know by the name of the title what you will be getting.

Remember the (internet-) hype caused by "Snakes on a Plane" back in 2006? It was a big hit, simply because the title was straightforward and because the film delivered exactly what the title promised. 18 years later, writer/director Ezra Tsegaye considers it's still a brilliant idea to rip off the idea! Obviously, "Monster on a Plane" will never cause a hype. It probably won't even been seen by many people, but one thing's for sure: it is a lot of fun to watch under the right circumstances.

Make no mistake, "Monster on a Plan" is a terribly bad movie! But it's a FUN bad movie, and sometimes horror fanatics can really enjoy those. There's nothing remotely original about the film. The concept is stolen from "Snakes on a Plane" - duh - while the monster looks exactly like the design of "Critters", and its infrared vision is borrowed from "Predator". Oh wait, there is one original gimmick! The monster's flatulence is a sophisticated attack-mechanism a causes people to hallucinate. Awesome! Some irresponsible scientist smuggles it on board of a charter flight to Berlin, it escapes during a bit of turbulence, and naturally goes on a bloody killing spree.

"Monster on a Plane" is a German production, but entirely shot in English, and the language skills and accents of the entire ensemble cast are hilariously atrocious. Although gory, the digital effects are lousy and the complete opposite of disturbing. Luckily, the film doesn't take itself too seriously. The performances, the inside jokes (like casting a pilot who's a dead ringer for Peter Graves in "Airplane!"), the evolution of the critter into a giant kind of Venus Flytrap, ... it's all very tongue in cheek.

Given the movie's title, of course I wasn't expecting to be in for a grand cinematic experience. And while I had never heard about the movie, and thus didn't really know what I was getting myself into, I still opted to watch the movie, hoping that writer and director would have something grand up his sleave.

The storyline in the movie is straightforward, sure, but also somewhat on the simplistic side, to be honest. Sure, it was a watchable enough movie, but you're not in for anything extraordinary here.

When the plane touched down on the runway, I was impressed. I've never seen or heard about a runway that was the length of that one. It just went on and on. I guess writer and director Ezra Tsegaye was not familiar with the fact that runways at airports are not infinite in length.

The dialogue in the movie was pretty brutal to sit through. It felt like it was written by a fifth grader. There wasn't much nuance to the language, and it was rather cringeworthy constructed sentences and dialogue in general.

I was not familiar with the cast ensemble in the movie, and that was something that spoke in favor of the movie. I do enjoy watching new talents in movies. The acting performances in the movie were fair; nothing grand or outstanding, but fair enough. One of the actresses had such horribly bleached white teeth that they even put Ross Geller's teeth to shame, in that one particular episode of "Friends" where he had his teeth bleached. It was hard to look away from her teeth whenever she spoke, because the teeth was a shade of white that almost was blinding to look at.

The practical special effects in the movie were actually quite good, but they were rather ruined by the lousy added on layer of CGI blood, because the CGI rendered blood was so fake that even a deceased blind guy would go "really now?" Sure, there was also practical blood effects, which were good, but the scenes with the laughable CGI rendered blood was just rubbish to witness.

The creature in the movie sort of looked like writer and director Ezra Tsegaye was heavily paying homage to the "Critters" movies.

"Monster on a Plane" is hardly a movie that I will watch a second time. It is a semi-watchable movie, sure, but hardly an outstanding or memorable viewing experience.

My rating of "Monster on a Plane" lands on a generous four out of ten stars.

Movies like this are not meat to be taken seriously. In the same vein as movies by The Asylum or a movie like Sharknado this could be either laughably bad or just plain bad and sadly falls somewhere in between. I did laugh at some of the preposterous dialogue and ridiculous situations, but there were long stretches where it was just boring. The actual monster looked like a deranged Muppet. There were some sexy scenes thrown in that added nothing. The acting was all over the place, as if some of them took the role seriously and others were hamming it up. The script appeared to be written by a 13 year old. Be warned, this is a German production and while all actors except one speak English , their English is atrocious. There is some good gore, but for the most part this isn't very good.

You know, when you try to make an intentionally bad movie, you probably shouldn't be a bad filmmaker, or else the "intentionally" becomes a redundant word.

MONSTER ON A PLANE is bad. Not good bad, not funny bad, just bad. Surprisingly, it features some very decent practical gore effects that look way too good for this, so the "filmmakers" decided to obscure the only good thing in this travesty of a movie under really bad digital blood. Intentionally bad, of course.

I can only admire the manic energy to even try to make something like this, but I'd strongly advise to skip this one if you should ever cross its path. Time is precious, and to waste it on something like this is a sin I can never get redemption from. But I sinned so you won't have to.