Bermondsey Tales: Fall of the Roman Empire

Bermondsey Tales is quite simply brilliant. Told in an episodic manner, Michael Head brings back the tradition of London characters, telling stories. Full of mad-cap tales of individuals and their escapades, you'll laugh till your sides hurt.

The leading cast are fantastic, with Head, Dan O'Reilly and Charlie Clapham bringing energy, one-liners and jokes a-plenty. It's also great to see the number of British legends - John Hannah, Frank Harper, Vas Blackwood, Alan Ford, Linda Robson, Vicki Michelle - all playing their parts. Without forgetting the formidable Gary Webster as the 'Head of the Family' and the excellent Maisie Smith in her debut movie role.

Michael Head is making the kind of films he wants to make - London gangster films. And he's not bad at it. The trouble is that he's not good at it either.

There's a lot of attempts at witty banter and it doesn't really come off. And that's a problem, because it's half the film. There are some decent actors here who can deliver such lines, but I think perhaps the direction was lacking because everyone waits for everyone else to finish their line. It's like everything is a rehearsal rather than a take.

Alan Ford is in this and he's got a charisma and intensity that is always very watchable, but he just doesn't have the chance to shine here. You see him deliver a line in his usual excellent manner, but it falls flat as everyone else waits their turn. There are a bunch of familiar British crime film faces, like Vas Blackwood and Rohit Nathaniel - though they tend to be from the lower budget end of things. And then there's a scattering of people from Eastenders and the Inbetweeners. But the slow pace of everything and the slow acting just ruins anything they might have had. And annoyingly, the worst actor is Michael Head himself. He's not convincing as a tough guy and I'm sure he thinks there's charm and humour to his performance, but there just isn't. John Hannah is wasted here too - as is Vicki Michelle.

With better writing, better direction and tighter editing, there's a potentially good film here. But as it stands, it's just not good enough.

Ooh, look a whole bunch of ten star ratings from people who've never reviewed anything else. Par for the course, eh?

I couldn't give this movie anything more than one star. It was the most unimaginative piece of garbage I've seen in years. This tell it, talk about it nonsense, introducing each act, is a done and dusted technique, that needs no revival. If Ms Smith is hoping to further her career after that awful EastEnders soap she was in, then she'll have to do a bit more than just wiggling her ass (as scrumptious as it may be).

I found the whole cast to be somewhat wanting in the convincing stakes, with Ms Smith's attempt at a cockney accent, emphasising the whole shebang. I sat through the gruelling runtime of one hour thirty nine minutes, by which time, I not only wanted to slit my own wrists, I wanted to slit someone else's too. Sorry Mr Head, this attempt at whatever it was, was not for me, or most of the cast either, I'd imagine.

Please stop giving creative control to Michael Head. Bermondsey Tales doesn't seem to have any sense of direction, seems to have too many characters, and there's a lack of soundtrack in most scenes. Hardly anyone is likeable in the film and they mostly act awkward. One or two scenes weren't too bad but mostly a bore.

If you love British gangster films and love comedies then this film is for you!

Bermondsey tales, is funny, laugh out loud funny. I watched it in the cinema and the room was filllwd with laughter.

The dialogue is witty and sharp feels like guy Ritchie, Tarantino and Scorsese had a cheeky love child with Will Ferrell!

It is also gritty and the plot has so many twists and turns it left me often shocked and always in suspense.

The cast is a who's who of gangster films and the likes of Frank Harper, Vas Blackwood and Alan Ford do not disappoint and are all brilliant. Then it also has some curve ball castings, John Hannah is brilliant and very out of casting type as this very funny paranoid gangster and Charlotte Kirk shines as his uncaring trophy bride.

David Schaal, Gary Webster and Charlie Clapham are add real meat to the bones and bring a gravitas and sense of grit and quality to the table.

Dan O'Rielly shows he is far more than a controversial comedian. He can really act and his club scene for me is the best thing about the film.

Maisie Smith, Alexandra Kate and Linda Robson also bring a nice female element to the film which is not often shown in this genre. Maisie being the brilliant stand out performance of the trio.

Finally writer, director and actor Michael Head is brilliant, his character is a loveable rouge and the script is as funny and genius with vivid characters that stick in your mind.

It is low budget and bit rough around the edges and you feel the money and focus was more on the cast and the acting rather than special effects or polish but personally I prefer than in a post marvel world where CGI has often replaced the need for good dialogue and actors.

So for a brand new old school gangster treat watch this film!