Okay, this was clearly "Beauty and the Beast." Lots of easter eggs - girl named Belle who lives with her father, arrogant suitor, big house with scary reclusive owner, roses in a private room, gorgeous home library, even fancy candlesticks. I don't mind a variation on an old story. Shaw wrote "Man and Superman" based on the Don Juan myth, and it came out great.
But you have to breathe some life into it.
This movie had almost no emotional range, very shallow characters, monotonous music that played again and again in scenes that it clearly did not suit, amateur photography, and scenes that just dragged on and on with no apparent aim. Take for instance a scene where Belle digs up a homemade edition of "Twas the Night Before Christmas" that Hunter put together himself when he was seven. And he sits and reads it to her, and we just hear him reading it. We don't even get to see the book itself, which could have added a personal touch to the scene. We already know how "Twas the Night Before Christmas" goes! We don't need to hear him read it - unless he read it in such a way to imply that he felt a personal connection to the story, which he didn't.
Belle's father was a complete twit. This feels like a step down from the other versions of "Beauty and the Beast," where the father at least knew how to take care of himself. And Tony, the "Gaston" figure, was a self-righteous, self-obsessed, self-deluded dunderhead. Anyone can see that. And yet, somehow, Belle's father and Hunter both trust every word Tony says, whenever they need to believe him in order for the plot to go in a certain direction. Lazy writing.
Some bad movies can shock you (i.e. "Birdemic," "Garbage Pail Kids"). This movie was just plain boring. We knew it was based on the fairy tale, so we knew how it was going to play out, and it did not give us one surprise. The dog was cute. It's a bad sign that the dog outperformed everyone else.
If you can't be original, then at least try to understand what made your source material interesting in the first place. What do Belle and the Beast believe in? Where are they coming from? A derivative story can branch out experimentally ("Hoodwinked," from "Little Red Riding Hood"), or it can examine its roots ("Ever After," from "Cinderella"). This movie does neither, it just trims away any fantastical elements and then tells a minimalist, impersonal story that is as forgettable as it is harmless.
