Hooker with a Hacksaw

Right, well when I sat down to watch this 2017 movie, I was somehow certain that this was most likely going to be a stinker. But still, I believe in giving a movie a chance, so I sat down to watch "Hooker with a Hacksaw".

I should say that I hadn't checked out the movie on IMDb prior to sitting down to watching it. So I had absolutely no idea what I was getting myself into.

Well, I endured 15 minutes of absolute horrible movie, let's just call it as it is. This movie was abysmal, pure and simple. However does movies like this still manage to come around and see the light of day.

The story, well from what I managed to see at least, was uneventful and boring. And it didn't help that the characters were downright lousy and pointless. And topping it off with questionable acting performances wasn't really helping the movie either.

This was a low budget and amateurish movie, no doubt about it. But I am sure that the people involved were having fun making it and seeing their project come to life. However, when I sit down to watch a movie, I expect it to be a proper movie, and not something shot on a home camera, that I could just as easily have made myself.

15 minutes into the ordeal known as "Hooker with a Hacksaw" and I quit. And there is a snowballs chance in Hell that I am returning to finish watching the movie.

First we had Hobo with a Shotgun (2011) and now we have Hooker with a Hacksaw, I can confidently say one is considerably better than the other.

The plot is *Drumroll* about a hooker with a hacksaw! A young telephone sex worker who loses her mind and sets about as a vigilante.

This is about as low budget as they come, therefore it looks cheap, it sounds cheap, it is cheap. But that's fine, I don't judge films on such things as filmmakers can only work with what they have available.

The reason for the low rating has got nothing to do with that, it's all about the overall quality and that's really bad. The acting is year 1 film school level, the script is 4th grade English and plot is a disheveled mess.

In fact to be brutally honest there is no plot, there is no story, it's just an absolute abomination and I'm not sure who it'll appeal to.

Cheap, weird, nasty.

The Good:

Interesting lead

The Bad:

Painfully bad acting

Cringe inducing script

Amateurish editing

Pretty much everything else

Everyone involved in this should be ashamed of themselves. For starters it looks like it was shot on a first gen cell phone camera. To add to the terrible shot quality, someone with even a passing knowledge of lighting could have done eons better than incoherent mess. The editing was a beyond minimal, there wasn't even an attempt to color grade the footage. This truly looks like a film that was made in a couple hours... There is not a single redeeming quality in this film, nothing. Everyone involved in this film should truly seek another line of work, it's that bad. If this was submitted to a High School Film School it would be below average, i'm not exaggerating. Just horrible

Hooker with a Hacksaw (2017)

*** (out of 4)

A young woman (Kasper Meltedhair) ends up working as a hooker and before long she is assaulted by a creep. Before long she's killing off men with a hacksaw and plans for revenge on the one who started all of it.

Donald Farmer's HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW is a film that has a wonderful title. I was lucky enough to go to the premiere of the film in Lexington, Kentucky and throughout the day I bragged about going to see the film. The title caught everyone's attention and I thought to myself that this was the perfect throwback to the days when a title sold a picture. With that said, more often than not the movies with great titles never lived up to them but thankfully that wasn't the case here as the film really did work as a throwback to the days when you'd rent movies like this on VHS.

For some reason whenever I write about movies like this I give a warning that one shouldn't expect CITIZEN KANE. I guess I should stop doing this because if you're dumb enough to watch a low-budget horror film called HOOKER WITH A HACKSAW expecting something that it isn't then that's on you. If you go in expecting a low-budget exploitation film with your typical revenge story that is spiced up by some interesting death scenes then you should enjoy it. I've watched hundreds of movies like this and of course there are budget limitations but I think there's a lot of quality stuff here.

For starters, the film is just barely over a hour and this works extremely well. So many times films like this get bogged down by their running time but that doesn't happen here. The story works well as it's basically a hooker going out for revenge and the film gives us some nice and fun gore effects. Again, often times these movies feature no effects but that's not the case here because there are decapitations, various slashings and one sequence that the director said horror fans hadn't seen before and he was right! The effects are a lot of fun and there's some pride taken with blood flowing down the lead actress.

I was also pleasantly happy with Meltedhair in the lead role. Obviously there's nothing here for a character study but I thought the actress perfectly fit the role. The character, a hooker, is obviously someone down on their luck and I thought the actress sold this quite well and you could look at her and feel as if you were really watching a character who would be off doing this stuff. She helped sell the film as did Farmer's music selections, which were quite interesting to say the least. I really thought the score helped push the film into some surreal moments. Linnea Quigley gets a "guest appearance" credit and her scenes were filmed a decade or more earlier on a film that never got completed. Lets just say her fans will be very happy as it's a rather raunchy sex scene with plenty of her on display. Be sure you stay through the end credits.

Fans of this type of horror movie should certainly gives this one a chance. It's certainly the best film I've seen from the director and I think it plays itself out quite well.

Look...if you're reading this, it means the title "Hooker With A Hacksaw" caught your eye, and if I have learned anything in life, it's that people who like b-movies are cooler than those who don't. Be that as it may, this is utterly and truly a b-movie in every way possible:

• writing, acting, directing
• character closeups
• schlock schlock schlock
• cheesy, not to mention absurd, music
• technicals (eg lighting, editing, sound, etc)
• "special fx" (if you can call them that.

So obviously, if you've come to this flick expecting GOOD ___any of the above___ then you're out of luck. I mean, you're talking about a movie that shows a woman masturbating a man's guts for crying out loud.

Since I don't typically rehash synopses in my reviews, I'll leave it at this: if you like CHEESY b-flicks (and I mean cheesy. Like three-cheese cheesy) then this might be enjoyable for you. I must admit, while the title caught my eye, it immediately made me think of the film "Hobo With A Shotgun," which is both a better movie and the genesis of the title. Nonetheless, I simply couldn't help but be entertained from start to finish. It's absurd, schlocky beyond schlock, ultra-cheesy blood & gore fx, and has the illustrious Maiden Meltedhair - one of the cutest little things you'll see. Don't expect award-winning skills here, and don't bother writing a review that bags on what the film misfires on. It's SUPPOSED TO BE the epitome of ultra-cheese.

Notes on parental content:

• profanity throughout, but not gratuitous.
• adult themes and content, including suicide, rape, and prostitution.
• drug use is a repeating theme
• there is brief nudity (female breasts) in one or two scenes
• violence is another repeating thematic element, but the blood and "gore" is so over-the-top fake that you simply can't help but laugh when it happens.

Look...and as I mentioned...if you're here to see a movie with Academy Award worthy performances and talent, you're in the wrong place. If you're here to see a REALLY cheesy b-flick with horror themes, this is an excellent choice.