Santa Jaws

This might have worked as some skit on SNL for 5 minutes every Christmas, or as an episode of "South Park" poking fun at terrible shark and Christmas movies simultaneously.

But good lord this was stupid. And it tried to take this incredibly stupid concept absolutely seriously. And the CGI... it's a SyFy original, you all know what to expect. And you will not be mistaken. There was also very little of it. There was very little... anything. I don't think the creators had either the budget or creativity to do anything even amusing with their one-note concept.

Two stars are for the actors, who tried their very best through one of the dumbest ideas in cinematic history. I think several of them deserve a shot in something better-made. And one is for the primary camera work which at least looks modestly well-done.

If you have the opportunity to view this film, please consider roasting your chestnuts on an open fire instead - it will be less painful.

There are movies that are so terribly written, acted and filmed that it's a pure joy to cackle at their absurdity (I'm looking at you, Birdemic, Operation Golden Pheonix, et. Al.) but this one couldn't even make that grade. Whatever laughter surfaced seemed forced and accidental with the exception of the obviously rubber crocodile with vermillion-red blood, props that change size without explanation and terribly tiny turkeys (more on that in a moment).

Featuring dialogue written by one million moneys - obviously high on eggnog, emotionless delivery so bland it makes English cuisine seem flavourful and pacing that allows for ample bathroom breaks between lines for you to hurl your Christmas cookies.

I think we can all accept that this offering only exists as a commercial for the local comic book shop - as our protagonists spend more time there in awkward dialogue than anywhere else. It's here where our plucky heroes stock up on dollar-store Hallowe'en "weapons" to fight our CGI shark - from a flaccid-fire crossbow, plastic spear and mace, to a turkey-tossing-trebuchet fashioned out of the dockside picnic tables.

There are numerous attempts to craft some "catchphrases" all of which fall on their faces about as flat as their delivery. The most memorable of which is "bells on shark tails ring". Yes, you read that right, unfortunately.

I spent 5 hours watching this 1 1/2 hour flick which was one half "Home Alone", one half "Jaws" and one half "Simon In The Land of Chalk Drawings". Yes, that's three halves because the math in this review should match the ridiculous absurdity of the film.

Whomever green-lit this Christmas turd should face a firing line of wooden soldiers. If you ever wondered what happened to the discarded snips of film from the cutting room floor of the Sharknado series - they were swept up and compiled into this holiday train wreck.

The real gift to the cast of this "movie" is that they'll never have to appear in another.

If you're looking for a serious action movie, well then I don't know why you're here, looking at reviews for a movie titled "Santa Jaws". Move on now.

If you enjoy cute, campy movies with bad CGI, welcome home. This is your movie and we are your people. Lower your expectations and enjoy the ride.

Two talented boys create a comic book character that comes to life after the illustrator is given a magical pen. Wacky hijinks ensue. With the exception of the bad CGI, this movie is good. Campy but good. It looks higher budget on the screen than it should. Everyone does their job well.

I gave it 6 stars instead of 7 because I felt like the ending missed the mark a little. Close but it fumbled the landing by a step.

Santa Jaws (2018) is a movie I recently watched on Amazon Prime. The storyline follows a high school comic book writer who lives by the ocean who one day receives a magic pen that causes his work to come to life. Wouldnt you know his current work is called "Santa Jaws" and now it isn't safe to go by the water in his town...can the kid and his friends find a way to rid the town of his shark before it kills everyone?

This movie is directed by Misty Talley (Shark Island) and stars Reid Miller (You), Courtney Lauren Cummings (The Collection), Jim Klock (The Underground Railroad), Carrie Lazar (The Magnificent 7) and Scott Allen Perry (Keeping Up with the Jonses).

The storyline for this is actually pretty fun and I liked the comic book aspects in this. The kill scenes are better than you'd expect, sudden and has some jump scare value. There are some scenes where you'll say, "That was a pretty awesome kill scene." The storyline itself is awful; and funny enough, the kids acting is much better than the adults acting, which is consistently awkward and painful.

Overall this movie is as bad as you'd expect but also has more entertainment value for horror enthusiasts than you'd expect. This isn't the worst movie you'll ever see and I actually recommend horror enthusiasts see it once. I'd score this a 4/10.

When I found this 2018 movie titled "Santa Jaws", I must admit that I was immediately intrigued. Sure, I knew this movie was most likely going to be an abysmal B-movie, but still it sounded like something that might actually just turn out to be one of those rare gems that are so cheesy and bad that it is actually good.

And guess what? It was. Yeah, it was. "Santa Jaws" was indeed a super campy and cheesy movie, a spoof almost, and it was actually so far out there and so bad that the movie was entertaining and enjoyable to watch. There is just something oddly appealing about movies like "Santa Jaws". And I do love it when these bad movies are so bad that they actually being enjoyable.

The storyline in "Santa Jaws" is pretty straight forward and very predictable, of course. But still, writer Jake Kiernan had managed to put together something very unique and oddly memorable. And the concept of the movie was just so far out there that it actually worked wonderfully. And director Misty Talley did a good job in bringing the movie to life on the screen.

One would think that a movie such as "Santa Jaws" would be befuddled by atrociously bad CGI and special effects. But it wasn't. Sure, this was not special effects that will blow you away, but the CGI and special effects were actually surprisingly good for a movie such as this. Sure, there were some cringeworthy moments of CGI as well, but hey...

"Santa Jaws" had a nice ensemble of actors and actresses on the cast list. Most of these performers were unfamiliar faces to me, which is something I enjoy in movies. Ritchie Montgomery, however, was the only familiar face to me in the entire movie.

I am rating "Santa Jaws" a six out of ten stars. Yeah, I found it to be oddly enjoyable. If you have the time and opportunity, then you should sit down to watch this 2018 movie, as it might actually have some entertainment value to you, if you enjoy goofy and campy shark movies.