- Dr. Lorenz: And if you ever need anything, like medical attention, or fire insurance, or a marriage performed, or a loan, perhaps? I should be delighted to oblige.
- Winnie Slade: Doesn't anybody else do anything in Jinxville?
- Dr. Lorenz: Oh, they... they vote once a year.
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: Amelia, this riffraff, as you call him, is really the salt of the earth. All he needs is to be iodized.
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: [Enthusiastically] I have very good news for you, Doctor!
- Dr. Lorenz: Really?
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: Now, guess what!
- Dr. Lorenz: [Annoyed] I don't know!
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: [With continued enthusiasm] Go ahead - guess
- Dr. Lorenz: [Angrily] D-Do I look like a quiz kid?
- Amelia Jones: Everybody in this town knows you made your fortune on snake oil hair restorer.
- Dr. Lorenz: Well, what's wrong with that? Where's the hair follicle that can resist 2000 international units of Vitamin A? Where is it?
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: [Bending over and pointing to a spot on top of his head] Right here.
- Dr. Lorenz: [Examining it] Hmmm! Oh, hardening of the skull!
- Dr. Lorenz: Do you imagine I could take advantage, exploit, capitalize on a great scientific discovery? Cheat millions of people all the world over? Profane my profession? Suppose I make a few dollars, don't you think I wouldn't put it right back into science?
- Bill Leyden: They murdered him! Just like they murdered the other one!
- Prof. Nathaniel Billings: Please! Please! The word is, "martyrized."
- Winnie Slade: [Referring to Professor Billings] Isn't he a dear?
- Amelia Jones: Even when he was a baby, he never cried - not even when we dropped him.
- Dr. Lorenz: [Referring to Bill Leyden] ... if the army didn't need him, I would have commmitted him to the squirrel pen at Idlewild Sanitarium, so help me!