Un caldo corpo di femmina

People will tell you all kinds of things about Jesus Franco. He's made about five billion films over the past five decades so he must be doing something right, right? Wrong! Nearly every single film I have seen of his reeks of Eurotrash amateurism. Even more depressingly, the man does not seem interested in making anything other than tedious soft-core porn with wafer thin plot lines that pretentious people like to claim is art because he'll throw in a shot of a mountain or the ocean every once in awhile. I guess some people just need to find an excuse to justify the fact they like watching porn, as if something like this somehow brings T&A flicks to a more respectable level. Unfortunately for Jess, many films from the same decade literally crush his lame efforts when it comes to style, plot, direction, acting and eroticism. "Les Avaleuses" or one of its five hundred different titles is nothing more than dull trash with neither the talent or imagination to make it worthy of note. Franco also is rather obnoxious any time you see him interviewed. He has an inflated sense of his own importance, which in the film-making world is almost nonexistent. On several occasions, I've even seen him insult far more talented directors whose ideas he in turn blatantly steals. I've often wondered if this man is obnoxious, clueless or just senile. It's hard to tell but one thing he is not is a good film director.

I hate even referring to this as a film. There is almost no plot and from a technical standpoint it is inept. Things going out of focus all the time is not art, it's laziness and incompetence on the part of someone more interested in zooming in on unkempt crotches than making a decent erotic vampire film. What storyline there is is basically gratuitous nude shots of Franco's wife Lina Romay repeated over and over again. Though a fairly attractive woman, once you've seen a few of these films you're already bored seeing her naked. She's not a very good actress either. She brings nothing to the film or her role other than what God gave her, some of which could use a good trimming. The others nude actresses on display here aren't especially attractive either. Unless you are an obsessive fan of this director (believe it or not, he does have fans) or can't get your hands on more explicit adult material, I wouldn't waste my time viewing this.

I came to hear of Jess Franco, like most of those in my generation, from Vampyros Lesbos, and was quite keen to see "Female Vampyre" (as it appears on DVD). These are two completely different movies, to say the least.

First, the directing of Les Avaleuses is surprisingly inept. Shots are often out-of-focus in inappropriate situations, otherwise beautiful panoramas are ruined by unsteady hand-holding of the camera, and the zoom lens is frankly abused.

The plot is even thinner than that of Vampyros, which is saying quite a bit. The acting on the part of practically everyone is bloody awful. "Lina Romay" may look a bit like Soledad Miranda but she has none of the screen presence which was Soledad's.

Also, let's face, this is a very silly film. It is neither explicit enough to be a porno, nor interesting enough to be a decent movie.

Also the music sucks. I was most disappointed in that. I was expecting something much more funky.

Many of Jess Franco's movies are slim on plot, and strong on atmosphere. 'Female Vampire' is a typical example. The story can be summarized in two lines, and the climax is actually revealed on the back of the Redemption version video case, so there's no mystery or suspense in this movie. What there is though is the gorgeous Lina Romay naked throughout. She may not be much of an actress (and her character is mute, so there is no dialogue), but she is beautiful, and makes one of the hottest screen vampires ever. The sight of her walking through the mist wearing nothing but a cape and a belt will stay with you for a long time! Judging this movie is difficult. As a horror movie it fails, but as a voyeuristic treat it certainly succeeds! Not Franco's best by a long shot, especially as large chunks of it are out of focus(!), but highly recommended 1970s sexploitation nevertheless.

A beautiful female vampire (Lina Romay) lures men to their doom.

Depending on which version you watch, you might get a more or less pornographic film with horror themes or a horror film with some sexual themes. I watched the Netflix version, which seems to be somewhere in the middle, or perhaps leaning towards porn (there were naked men and women within the first ten minutes, and a simulated sexual encounter). Not at all what I expected, and frankly it disappoints me that this version is not more horror.

Concerning the sexual scenes, Franco has said, "There was a need to show it, like you must show how Dracula sucks his blood, you need to show how this Countess sucks the semen." I am not sure if I buy that.

Cultmaster Jess Franco delivers with this "Female Vampire" the jolliest and sleaziest bunch of sleaze you'll ever behold, and that's a guarantee! This in fact is the closest you can get to renting porn while still able to claim it's essential and rare cult, haha!! The star in this film is Franco's favorite toy-girl, the astonishingly beautiful (at least back then) and sexy Lina Romay, who definitely makes up in charisma what she lacks in experience and acting skills. Luckily for her, her character is a mute so can use her body language to the fullest! She plays Irena von Karlstein, the last descendant of a cursed family of vampires who's doomed to travel from one great place to another and survive by making love to random people...The poor, poor girl!! Irana isn't your ordinary type of vampire as she's perfectly able to stand daylight and it ...um...isn't exclusively blood she sucks! Countess von Karlstein really is one of the most unique Franco characters ever and you'll unquestionably love her! Whenever she's not killing people, she walks naked through the woods or makes love to the furniture. In order to add a tiny bit of substance to story, there's a sub plot involving a neurotic scientist (played by Franco himself) who wants to destroy the yummy Irena. So, what exactly is the point of this film? There isn't any...and that's the beauty of it! Like several of Franco's film, this "Female Vampire" is rather meaningless and overall incompetent BUT also very sensual! The photography is magnificent and the musical guidance is very beautiful. The film is slow-paced, elegant and remarkably stylish for being a – let's face it – voyeuristic movie! If you're into euro-sleaze, cult classics and off-category movies .... this is a must! The same film is also available as a different cut and under a different title – Erotikill – but that one is pure pornography!