Agente H.A.R.M.

I saw this movie back in the summer of 1968 when I was eleven years old and it scared the pants off me and my friends. We never spoke once for nearly ninety minutes it was so absorbing. And that was unusual for us as we used to lark about a lot in those days - you know?

As I recall, the plot revolves around a group of evil men who have developed a gun which fires little pellets containing a virulent designer fungus, which firstly knocks the victim cold and then consumes his entire body within a matter of hours. One minute you have a living guy - next he's just a mass of green, gungy stuff. Yuk! Horrible.

I think the reason we found it so disturbing was the implied biological warfare element. In other words it could have been possible at that particular point in history, and certainly nowadays in the twenty-first century. So I guess it's still relevant.

I'd love to see this movie again sometime and I give it ten out of ten on the scary scale.

Sorry, but Mark Richman is no Sean Connery. On his best day he might be a Neal Connery (see Operation Double-007). Here he stumbles through this effort to cash in on the 60's superspy bondwagon. His character seems perplexed by the entire plot...and he's not alone. What the heck is going on is anybody's guess. There's action, and bad guys, and a secret device (a manufactured flesh-eating virus: the movie's prophetic despite itself). But it's like watching a slide show. Nothing connects to anything, nothing flows. At the end you find yourself wondering why you wasted 90 minutes.

A paunchy, fiftyish sleazeball is...agent for H.A.R.M! He hits on girls young enough to be his daughter! And cops a feel while he's got his hands on them! He's smug, ineffectual, pompous and smarmy. The only reason he half way succeeds in his mission is because the bad guys are so lame. And he still managed to botch the case. That's what he gets for leaving that one location! And for some reason, his yellow cardigan didn't protect him. That must be the reason why he wore it for six straight days in a row, right? I must say-I've never seen a secret agent who wore a CARDIGAN before. Only grandfathers wear cardigans. Couldn't they have gotten a better wardrobe person for this movie? I mean, they saved all that money on the location scouting, they could have afforded to hire someone who wouldn't have put grandpa secret agent in a yellow cardigan!

If you thought Pierce Brosnan was a bad Bond, I think Peter Mark Richman will make you change your mind. Agent Adam Chance superficially is all the things Bond is: self-confident, good with women, and working for a secret organization. The problem is that the character also needs a little thing called charisma if the cockiness is going to work. With Richman, it just becomes laughable. Bouncing around in his yellow cardigan, it's a wonder the bad guys don't laugh themselves to death.

Agent for H.A.R.M.(whatever that stands for, we are never told) has absolutely no pace at all. After a hilarious first segment with some Russian spies, we get 80 minutes of boredom, odd dialogue (the "apple pie" part still doesn't make any sense to me), horrendous acting, and very little action, if there even is any.

The most blasphemous part is how our utterly hate-able, seemingly 60 years old "hero" gets the 20-ish blonde at the end. If this part doesn't make you want to throw up, I don't know what will (of course, there's a chance that you've already turned off the movie, or suffered a coma, at this point).

One of the dullest rip-offs ever made.(review#3)

Here we have the epic adventures of a super-swinging spy from the '60s, complete with loads of gorgeous women, fantastic gadgets, and awe-inspiring adventure set pieces...

Actually, no we don't.

What we have instead is a painfully low-budget, underwritten, generally icky movie filled with token attempts at the girls, gadgets, and adventures of our pal double-oh-seven, but all falling faaaar short of that goal. Think of it as the movie you and your friends might make one Saturday afternoon if you tried to make a Bond movie with community theater actors and a camcorder. Only without the comedy.

Buh-duh DAH-duuuuuh!