Lesley Ann Warren nel ruolo di...
Miss Scarlet
- Wadsworth: The game's up, Scarlet. There are no more bullets left in that gun.
- Miss Scarlet: Oh, come on, you don't think I'm gonna fall for that old trick?
- Wadsworth: It's not a trick. There was one shot at Mr. Boddy in the Study; two for the chandelier; two at the Lounge door and one for the singing telegram.
- Miss Scarlet: That's not six.
- Wadsworth: One plus two plus two plus one.
- Miss Scarlet: Uh-uh, there was only one shot that got the chandelier. That's one plus two plus *one* plus one.
- Wadsworth: Even if you were right, that would be one plus one plus two plus one, not one plus *two* plus one plus one.
- Miss Scarlet: Okay, fine. One plus two plus one... Shut up! The point is, there is one bullet left in this gun and guess who's gonna get it!
- Miss Scarlet: I hardly think it will enhance your reputation at the U.N. Professor Plum, if it's revealed that you have been implicated not only in adultery with one of your patients, but in her death and the deaths of five other people.
- Professor Plum: You don't know what kind of people they have at the U.N., I might go up in their estimation.
- Wadsworth: The key is gone!
- Professor Plum: Never mind about the key, unlock the door!
- [smacks Mr.Green on the shoulder]
- Mr. Green: [grabs Professor Plum by the collar, throttling him] I CAN'T UNLOCK THE DOOR WITHOUT THE KEY!
- [releasing Plum, Mr. Green rattles doorknob]
- Mr. Green: LET US IN! LET US IN!
- Colonel Mustard, Miss Scarlet: [on other side of locked door] LET US OUT! LET US OUT!
- Miss Scarlet: Maybe there is life after death.
- Mrs. White: Life after death is as improbable as sex after marriage!
- Wadsworth: ...and to make a long story short...
- Miss Scarlet, Mrs. White, Colonel Mustard, Mrs. Peacock, Mr. Green, Colonel Mustard: Too late!
- Wadsworth: Mrs. White, you've been paying our friend, the blackmailer, ever since your husband died under, shall we say, mysterious circumstances?
- Miss Scarlet: Ah!
- [laughs]
- Mrs. White: Why is that funny?
- Miss Scarlet: I see! That's why he was lying on his back, in his coffin.
- Mrs. White: I didn't kill him.
- Colonel Mustard: Then why are you paying the blackmailer?
- Mrs. White: I dont want a scandal, do I? We had had a very humiliating public confrontation. He was deranged. He was
- [points to head]
- Mrs. White: a lunatic! He didn't actually seem to like me very much; he had threatened to kill me in public.
- Miss Scarlet: Why would he wanna kill you in public?
- Wadsworth: I think she meant he threatened, in public, to kill her.
- [rolls eyes]
- Miss Scarlet: Oh. Was that his final word on the matter?
- Mrs. White: Being killed is pretty final, wouldn't you say?
- Wadsworth: And yet, he was the one who died, not you, Mrs. White, not you!
- Miss Scarlet: What did he do for a living?
- Mrs. White: He was a scientist, nuclear physics.
- Miss Scarlet: What was he like?
- Mrs. White: He was always a rather stupidly optimistic man. I mean, I'm afraid it came as a great shock to hime when he died, but, he was found dead at home. His head had been cut off, and so had his, uh... you *know*.
- [Colonel Mustard, Professor Plum, and Mr. Green cross legs]
- Mrs. White: I had been out all evening at the movies.
- Miss Scarlet: Do you miss him?
- Mrs. White: Well, it's a matter of life after death. Now that he's dead, I have a life.
- Wadsworth: But, he was your second husband. Your first husband also disappeared.
- Mrs. White: But that was his job. He was an illusionist.
- Wadsworth: But he never reappeared!
- Mrs. White: [admittedly] He wasn't a very good illusionist.
- Mr. Green: [to Miss Scarlet] So, how did you know Colonel Mustard works in Washington? Is he one of your clients?
- Colonel Mustard: Certainly not!
- Mr. Green: I was asking Miss Scarlet.
- Colonel Mustard: [to Miss Scarlet] Well, you tell him it's not true.
- Miss Scarlet: It's not true.
- Professor Plum: [to Miss Scarlet] Is that true?
- Miss Scarlet: No, it's not true.
- Mr. Green: Ah ha! So it is true!
- Wadsworth: A double negative!
- Colonel Mustard: A double negative?
- [whispering]
- Colonel Mustard: You mean you have photographs?
- Wadsworth: That sounds like a confession to me. In fact the double negative has led to proof positive. I'm afraid you gave yourself away.
- Colonel Mustard: [angry, to Wadsworth] Are you trying to make me look stupid in front of the other guests?
- Wadsworth: You don't need any help from me, sir.
- Colonel Mustard: That's right!
- Wadsworth: "Ours is not to reason why, ours is but to do and die."
- Professor Plum: Die?
- Wadsworth: Merely quoting, sir, from Alfred, Lord Tennyson.
- Colonel Mustard: Hm, I prefer Kipling, myself. "The female of the species is more deadly than the male." You like Kipling, Miss Scarlet?
- [offers her a tray]
- Miss Scarlet: [takes food off the tray] Sure, I'll eat anything.
- The Chief: Good evening. Have you ever given any thought to the kingdom of heaven?
- Mrs. Peacock: What?
- The Chief: Repent. The kingdom of heaven is at hand.
- Miss Scarlet: You ain't just whistlin' Dixie.
- The Chief: Armageddon is almost upon us.
- Professor Plum: I got news for you - it's already here.
- Mrs. Peacock: Go away.
- The Chief: But your souls are in danger.
- Mrs. Peacock: Our lives are in danger, you beatnik.
- Mrs. White: [after Mr. Green shoots Wadsworth] Are you a cop?
- Mr. Green: No, I'm a plant.
- Miss Scarlet: A plant? I thought men like you were usually called a fruit.
- Mr. Green: Very funny. FBI. That phone call from J. Edgar Hoover was for me.
- [opens the door]
- Mr. Green: Told you I didn't do it!
- Mrs. White: [after Mrs. Peacock swears that the reason she's being blackmailed is a vicious lie] Well, I am willing to believe you. I, too, am being blackmailed for something I didn't do.
- Mr. Green: Me too.
- Colonel Mustard: And me.
- Miss Scarlet: Not me.
- Wadsworth: [surprised] You're *not* being blackmailed?
- Miss Scarlet: Oh, I'm being blackmailed all right, but I did what I'm being blackmailed for.
- Mr. Green: What did you do?
- Miss Scarlet: Well, to be perfectly frank, I run a specialized hotel and a telephone service which provides gentlemen with the company of a young lady, for a short while.
- Professor Plum: Oh yeah?
- [pulls out pen and a pad of paper]
- Professor Plum: What's the phone number?
- Mrs. White: [Smashes glass on fireplace] PLEASE! Don't you think we should get that man out of the house before he finds out what's been going on here!
- [Drops thre rest of the glass with a crash]
- Miss Scarlet: Yeah!
- Professor Plum: How can we throw him outside in this weather?
- Miss Scarlet: If we let him stay in the house, he may get suspicious!
- Professor Plum: If we throw him out, he may get even more suspicious!
- Colonel Mustard: If I were him, I'd be suspicious already!
- Mrs. Peacock: [hysterical] Oh, who cares? That guy doesn't matter! Let him stay locked up for another half an hour. The police will be here by then... and there are two dead bodies in the study!
- All: Shhhhhhhhhhh!
- Mr. Green: Who would wanna kill the cook?
- Miss Scarlet: Dinner wasn't that bad.
- Colonel Mustard: How can you make jokes at a time like this?
- Miss Scarlet: It's my defense mechanism.
- Colonel Mustard: Some defense. If I was the killer, I would kill you next.
- Miss Scarlet: Oh?
- [Everyone looks at Colonel Mustard]
- Colonel Mustard: I said, "if". *If*!
- Colonel Mustard: What room's this?
- Miss Scarlet: Search me.
- Colonel Mustard: All right.
- [he starts to frisk her]
- Miss Scarlet: Get your mitts off me.
- [Cop sniffs the motorist, who is dead]
- Cop: This man's drunk. Dead drunk.
- Miss Scarlet: Dead right!
- Cop: [to the motorist] You're not gonna drive home, are you?
- Professor Plum: He won't be driving home, officer, I promise you that!
- Miss Scarlet: No.
- Cop: Somebody will give him a lift, huh?
- Miss Scarlet: Oh, we'll- we'll- we'll get him a car!
- Professor Plum: A long black car!
- Miss Scarlet: [lightly jabbing him in the stomach] A limousine!
- Miss Scarlet: It should be just off there.
- Professor Plum: That must be it!
- Miss Scarlet: [they see their destination as lightning splits the sky over Hill House, giving it an ominous cast. The car engine stops] Why has the car stopped?
- Professor Plum: It's frightened.
- Miss Scarlet: What about that motorist? What kind of information did he have?
- Colonel Mustard: He was my driver during the war.
- Wadsworth: And what was he holding over you?
- Colonel Mustard: He knew that I was a war profiteer. I stole essential Air Force radio parts, and I sold them on the black market. That is how I made all my money. But that does not make me a murderer!
- Mrs. Peacock: Well, a lot of our airmen died, because their radios didn't work.
- Wadsworth: [Wadsworth has just returned inside after throwing the key to the cupboard away] Well, what now?
- Mrs. White: Wadsworth, let me out.
- Wadsworth: No.
- Mrs. White: Why not?
- Wadsworth: We've gotta know who did it. We're all in this together now.
- Mrs. Peacock: If you leave, I'll say that you killed them both.
- Miss Scarlet: Me too.
- Mr. Green: Me too.
- Colonel Mustard: Me too.
- Mrs. White: [Suddenly becoming mysteriously flirtatious] Oh, Wadsworth, I'll make you sorry you ever started this.
- [She grabs hold of Wadsworth's tie, rubbing his chest]
- Mrs. White: One day, when we're alone together...
- Wadsworth: Mrs. White, no man in his right mind would be alone together with you.
- Mrs. White: [Letting go of Wadsworth] Oh.
- Professor Plum: [after everyone introduces themselves] Well, that just leaves Mr. Boddy.
- Miss Scarlet: What's your little secret?
- Wadsworth: His secret? Oh, haven't you guessed? He's the one who's blackmailing you.