Evil Altar

Ok, so this movie is crap, but it's my kind of crap and I've seen much worse. Much worse where, you ask? Well, try turning on the TV or take a look at what is playing in the theaters for starters. This piece of junk is high art by comparison, at least by my standards. Slow, plodding, unimpressive gore, and only a dusky, side-boob glance at Connie Woods' hearty chest meat makes for some tedious viewing for a lot of folks to be sure, but it's passable 80's shlock by my criteria. These types of movies take me back to a better time and provide enjoyment on a level that I suppose doesn't come across to some folks. William Smith and Robert Z'Dar? Hell, why even bother having a script at all? Those guys are entertaining in and of themselves. Not really as bad as some of these other guys are saying but, yeah, not exactly top shelf.

Satanist Reed Weller (William Smith) need to get 103 children for sacrifice (the last one must be a virgin) so that he can become immortal. Trouble starts when Teri (Theresa Cooney) accidentally shoots and kills Weller's kidnapping henchman while hunting with her dad. D'oh! And he was so close as he was on body no. 102. But, since this is an 80s horror movie, it doesn't matter as Weller resurrects his helper and decides Teri will be the final sacrifice. This really drops the ball in terms of 80s horror as you have very little gore and no nudity. It actually reminds me of one of those cheap horror novels you would buy back in the day with a myriad of small town characters running around and somehow it all comes together. This was co-writer Brent Friedman's first screenplay and he went on to do quite a few horror films including the superior SYNGENOR, THE RESURRECTED, NECRONOMICON and TICKS. Superchin Robert Z'Dar is the small town sheriff under Smith's control and their scenes together seem to be a battle of who can deliver the raspier voice. Smith wins, we lose.

My review was written in July 1989 after watching the movie on South Gate Entertainment video cassette.

Satanism rears its head once more in "Evil Altar", a direct-to- video release with few new wrinkles for the genre.

William Smith portrays a guy sho's sold his soul and become powerful enough to run the little town of Red Rock. He's sent his minion (Pepper Martin) to collect 103 young souls for sacrifice.

With burly local cop Robet Zdar under Smith's spell, the disappearance of various youngsters is covered up until a visiting lawyer (Tal Armstrong) teams up with locals to root out the evil.

Pic suffers from meager special effects, including a poorly done climax in which heroine Theresa Cooney is threatened in her bedroom by a floating ball reminiscent of "Phantasm". Bald-pated Smith makes a solid villain.

Beyond atrocious horror film was apparently made in the director's sleep, and edited with a buzz saw. Cheap and awful in every way possible. The plot synopsis on the back of the video box made sense; the film didn't. Don't watch it if you value your sanity. 0 out of 4 stars.

Trying to rule the earth with dark powers never seemed quite popular. Not as awful as I thought it would be, but it still stinks! Crummy, cheap-jack and totally muddled covers the bases of this dank supernatural / occult 80's horror film starring the beefy, square-jaw Robert Z'Dar. No surprises. Its routine stuff (the usual small town secret) and the premise holds a nasty side to it, but director Jim Winburn's incompetently lazy and laboured handling brings it down. Atmosphere is non-existent, and suspense follows the same course that we're left with weak thrills coming off mostly droll. While it can be unintentionally funny, there wasn't enough of it to cover it. Special effects are little, but are gaudily executed. The lousy story doesn't come together, or even tie in that well with an endlessly moronic script of terrible dialogues and choppy editing with awful continuity. The high-strung music score telegraphs everything. There are actually one or two decent moments, and the grimy look works to its favour, as these things could make for campy fun, but it all comes off rather boring and worthless to care much.