Alien Intruder

Although the idea of aliens using computer viruses to attack terrestrial computers is almost old hat, here the aliens use the viruses as a siren to lure men to their deaths through their computer stimulated libidos. This is a very interesting twist that held a lot of promise when I first heard about it.

The movie fails on one account. The seductress should be the sexiest chick in the movie! Apparently because of miss Scoggins star power, she wore nothing sexier (that could be easily seen) than a one piece bathing suit, while other fantasy women bared all (Tracie did a very dark love scene, where you could barely make out her darkened breasts).

The first question that comes to mind is: "Even though Tracie is a fox, how could she lure the guys from the other gorgeous women that were baring way more skin"? I know she was the virus in control of the men's minds, but I need visual justification for her control over men.

I couldn't believe it. I had to rub my eyes a few times. Was it true?

Yes, there were Billy Dee Williams, Jeff Conaway, Maxwell Caulfield and Tracy Scoggins - all of them have some manner of talent but here they all were in what basically adds up to a Cinemax-style skin flick set on board a spaceship!

Sad as it is, "Alien Intruder" tries to be unique, with a computer virus/alien demon/harpy/whatever else you want to call her named Ariel (Scoggins) infiltrating this sort-of high-tech virtual reality station on board a spaceship where four men are allowed to live out their fantasies as the system is over-seen by their captain (Williams).

Interesting? Maybe, but here everything just plays out like a well-padded episode of "Red Shoe Diaries". Williams out-classes everything right and left, and looks like he'd rather be doing anything else, ANYWHERE else. Ah, the things people do for money....

The FX are pretty static, maybe even less than what you'd expect for a straight-to-video cheapie like this. Unfortunately, even the female nudity is less than you'd expect. SEXUAL INNUENDO is the real star here and, of course, it gets ALL the best scenes.

If you like a movie that's all tease and no brains, check out "Alien Intruder". Of course, you'll probably have to look no further than Cinemax at 2 or 3 in the morning.

No stars, not even for what star power this flick can muster.

Leave this one lost in space.

The producers of Alien Intruder threw a bit of everything into the plot - science fiction, the old west (in B/W), bikers, gangsters, the seaside, virtual reality - and soft porn - but nothing jelled into anything remotely interesting. I bought the DVD for 5 bucks when I saw that Billy Dee Williams, Maxwell Caulfield and Tracy Scoggins were in it and because of the blurb GET READY FOR THE SCARIEST "ALIEN" MOVIE YOU'VE EVER SEEN on the DVD back cover. I should have known better! The "special effects" were anything but - the space ships looked clunky and seemed to have enormous interiors - and the steam valves look like those you'd find in any present-day boiler room! There's some nudity and coarse language but none of it helped this dreary production.

I swear. This movie has got to be a rejected fan script for Star Trek: The Next Generation. Seriously. It's about a ship of fools captained by Lando Calrissian himself, Billy Dee Williams with four prison inmates (brought along to make up the crew) and an android who meander into a "forbidden zone" to "rescue a lost ship." Actually, Billy Dee Calrissian just wants to meet back up with a sexy alien babe and is dragging these clods along as an expendable crew.

Okay, here's where it's all Star Trekky: After five days of work (as in, on the weekends), the four crewmates (the former convicts) all get to relax in wacky Virtual Reality worlds where they get to bang the chick of their choice the whole time. Yeah, like on the Enterprise, but where the intention is to "get some." Instead of a "holodeck," though, these idiots just lay in beds and basically "dream" into their VR worlds. One guy is a 50's biker bad*ss, one guy is in the "ye olde west," one guy is in a 1940's-like Noir deal (in black and white no less) and the last guy spends his "VR weekends" on a beach in a luxury house ignoring his cyber-babe so he can jog or lift weights. One of the inmates on this trip is an explosives expert who was only apparently brought along to be the tough-guy explosives expert. Eventually, the sexy alien chick shows up in everyone's cyber-realities and kills off all their beloved fake babes. Then she gets all lusty and turns all the guys against each other. The android? We get to see him stand silently, walk silently, and die quietly. Other than that, you've got the smart and attractive inmate, the smart nerd inmate, the long-haired inmate, and of course, the big tough explosives loser.

Now, this alien babe doesn't make much sense. She's either real or digital or a magician or something as she just jumps from one place to the next convincing the men to shoot at each other. I think she's just poorly written. Easy as that. The acting is average at best for an underground film of this nature from the early 90's, and the special effects are truly laughable. However, the "fantasy VR worlds" are done in almost top-notch form. What the f*ck? I mean, the freakin' spaceships look dreadful! There's no class, no style, no personality! Their movement in space is more sterile and emotionless than the Enterprise sleeking across the screen in front of another phosphorus red planet in the 1960's Star Trek! All in all, it's actually pretty stupid, but watchable. Kinda like Maximum Overdrive, or The Wraith. Stupid, but entertaining. Some decent nudity.

5/10

Billy Dee Williams gets all morose in space while his band of recruited convicts hook themselves up to virtual reality machines that play out their fantasies. Why are they heading to the mysterious G-Sector? To see what happened to another ship that went out there. What happened to the other ship? Well, some sort of alien took the form of a female and everyone went crazy and killed each trying to win her affections. We see this happen in the first five minutes of the film, and then the film decides to take things nice and easy, which will test the patience of most folks.

Billy Dee's recruits/victims agree to leave the comforts of jail and head off into the unknown due to a machine where they can live out their dreams. They do this every weekend after working on the ship, each with their own little worlds. The demolitions guy lives in the wild west as cowboy, the computer geek is a fifties biker, the other guy lives in a black and white Casablanca world, and our hero shows no imagination whatsoever as he just goes surfing with a chick. Strange, though, that the same mysterious woman has showed up in each of their fantasies, and why is Billy Dee spending all his time staring at a picture of the same woman? And why have a cyborg in the film when he's just going to stand around doing nothing? And one other thing - if you had a virtual reality machine that acted out your fantasies, would you waste it by surfing or driving about on a bike? Or would you be sandwiched between two Czech BBWs? I think that's the option any sane person would pick.

Now, I thought, with the introduction of these separate realities, that I'd have something similar to Waxwork 2 on my hands, but I was wrong. Once the evil alien woman thing (or Ariel, as she's known) 'kills' all the convicts virtual women, we just end up back in space where they find the other ship and end up bickering and running around corridors like a million other films. Maybe it was the budget or something that stopped them from going full throttle with the virtual reality thing, but to spend so much time on it just to have the film settle into the usual conventions seems like a waste of time.

Additionally, the woman playing the alien seductress is noticeably less attractive than any other actress in the film, so I wasn't quite getting why everyone was so bowled over by her. This was a tepid PM production and while it was pretty rubbish, the cheesy effects and infrequent nudity at least kept me from hating it.