Cheeks 5: Cop a Feel

It's way too late (decades in fact), but a note to porn star Brandy Alexandre: Don't quit your day job.

She wrote, produced, directed and starred in this lousy comedy, even designed the wedding gown she wears! It's a vanity project with a capital V.

Opening scenes feature unsuccessful comedy bits, starting with a Buttman cameo, videotaping her wedding which turns out to be a nightmare. The rest of the video consists of incidents caused by the wedding not coming off as planned. All of it silly.

For example, rushing to the wedding, Brandy's stopped by a motorcycle cop, and she f*cks him. This actor" is a total flop -he can't deliver the necessary cumshot (even though his stage name is Brad Everwood!) so the camera crew stud Barry Wood has to substitute.

The groom Steve Drake has sex in a bar while waiting, after watching guest stars Rocco Siffredi and Ashlyn Gere have sex on a pool table. And bridesmaids Holly Ryder and Jenna Wells have sex with Randy West, plus videotaping each other in action. It all spells porn filler.

Thanks for nothing, Brandy.