Montreal Talk-Show Host: [leaving his guest stranded to fend for himself as he comes down to interview girlfriend] Hello?
[in French, causing a deer-in-the-headlights startled look from her]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: What? Pussycat got your tongue?
Tina Menzhal: [uncomfortably] I'm sorry, I don't speak French.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in her language now:] Nobody's perfect. But I think you are very close.
[audience loves this]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: I saw you coming in with this guy. Is he your boyfriend?
Tina Menzhal: I can't talk.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in French, to audience:] She can't talk. The plot thickens, let's unravel this mystery.
[leads panicking girl to the stage, clowning along the way]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Why don't you have a seat? Merci.
[to his abandoned guest, in French:]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Okay, Philippe, that monologue must have exhausted you. Go sit in my chair, it's much more comfortable.
[in effect, shooing him out of the way, with the pretty girl all to himself]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Go. Thanks.
[to her:]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: So, are you ashamed of this man? Is there a dark secret you wish to share with us?
Tina Menzhal: Well, I'm not supposed to be seen with him.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Why? Because he is too old for you?
Philippe Gascon: [in French:] Thanks a lot!
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in French:] Don't mention it!
Tina Menzhal: Well, it's like, if other photographers knew I was with him, they wouldn't hire me.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: We won't tell.
Tina Menzhal: Yeah, right. Now the whole world knows.
[gesturing at Philippe]
Tina Menzhal: Look at him. He's laughing. I'm toast. They're gonna send me back to Cornwall, thank you very much.
Philippe Gascon: Come on, you're going to Paris.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Paris? Paris, France? My God. But, you don't speak French.
Tina Menzhal: I know a few words.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Say one.
Tina Menzhal: [delightfully naïve] I can't. They're all dirty words, I think.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in French, to Philippe:] You taught her smut?
Philippe Gascon: [in French, laughing:] You gotta start somewhere.
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in French:] You pervert.
Tina Menzhal: I know this one... Vicieuse. He likes it when I am vicieuse, or...
[tries in French:]
Tina Menzhal: And also, 'slut.'
Montreal Talk-Show Host: [in French, theatrical, to audience, who is lapping it up:] Is it me, or is it really getting hot in here? I'm gonna pass out. I need some water. Be right with you.
[drinks from glass, she looks at him, butter won't melt in her mouth, audience loves this]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Do you know some other words?
[audience laughter grows]
Montreal Talk-Show Host: Please speak French to me!
