Monster Island

Some very good actors dumped in a cast of lesser performers do their best to make this liw-budget monster film watchable. I had a few decent laughs!

Deep sea mining CEO battles kaiju in a tiny submarine. Yeah, it's that bad. The kaiju is half squid half starfish (sqarfish?) so it's officially the least interesting monster ever committed to celluloid. The acting is so wooden that it's a surprise the submersible can actually 'submerse'. The mining company's headquarters is a portakabin on the beach so that's clearly where most of the budget went. There's a lot of B movies where, with an open mind, you can enjoy them. This isn't one of them.

I am about as anti-Asylum as they come. I have never seen an Asylum film that was worth the first 5 minutes of watching. For some reason this one brought me to break my "No Asylum movies" rule. Maybe I was bored, tired, whatever. Watched it.

Surprisingly, it wasn't terrible. It's a little slow in places, but the story is interesting enough. The ending was ludicrous, as is typical of Asylum films, but it wasn't completely lame. The actors for once were reasonably decent. The directing wasn't half bad. The monster was a bit of fun.

So I'm giving it a 5-star "mediocre" rating. Almost gave it a 6 just because Asylum managed to finally produce a film that wasn't a complete loser. This had plot, story, directing, acting, goofy-but-not-stupid ending. Why, for Asylum this is almost prime roast... if one doesn't mind the flies swarming around. Besides, it's a Kaiju (giant monster) film. What are people expecting, brilliant conversation? Asylum. Kaiju. Face it... it could have been much worse. As in "Atlantic Rim" worse. Now that was a loser.

Where the hell are the monsters??? Glimpses and pieces... nothing I'd watch ever again and I love these kinds of movies!

Why are these filmmakers still allowed behind a camera. Worse dreck in celluloid history. Looks like they walked up to some random guy on the street and said: Here's a thousand bucks to make a movie about kaigus, see what you can do. Apparently the guy pocketed 900 dollars and used the remaining 100 to hire some actors, director, sets and an etch a sketch for the effects. Of course I didn't watch this whole dreck; just FF to see how bad it could get. There should be a law.