The Naughty Co-Ed Caper

Bringing to a close the first Act of his Adult filmmaking career, this lame Bree Olson vehicle for Adam & Eve finds the once-mighty director for that label Nick Orleans asleep at the wheel. More recently he has staged a comeback at A & E, but his work has not recovered.

The title is more important than the video's contents, as it signals jail-bait action -surely the most lucrative vein of porn in recent years for money-grubbing directors to mine. Olson and fellow-blonde Kylee Reese star as college roommates, but there is never any tangible indication that this is a story set in the world of higher education - that's merely a throwaway marketing hook.

Instead the duo are in debt due to gambling, supposedly to raise money for tuition and other college expenses. They participate at a local den of iniquity called the Coin Club, which turns out to be a Mafia owned enterprise, much to their chagrin.

The caper of the title is twofold: first the duo dress up nude but with masks hiding their identity, Olson bearing the likeness of George W. Bush while Reese goes as Hillary Clinton. They rob the club, Bree stealing bags containing $10,000 in cash while Kylee dances nude to distract the punters, and later, after finding out the Mob is hunting them down, crash a heist wearing the same masks, to steal gold bullion hidden by the Feds in a warehouse underneath a crate of fish (no, I'm not making up this insulting excuse for a plot).

Huge continuity error occurs at this point, because we've seen, with emphasis, the George Bush mask left behind at the club and the gangsters brandishing it in their office, yet later Bree is miraculously wearing it once more. Film's cynical and asinine ending is not worth spoiling, but before it occurs we must suffer through an idiotic turn of events wherein the gangsters robbing the gold and assigned to kill our femme duo agree to hump them instead and even give them half the loot. Yeah, right.

There is no real hint that a former master of the medium (Orleans) made this hackwork, with not even his usual basket of fetishes (pantyhose, bondage and other kinks) included. Bree, Kylee and other femmes provide sex appeal, including Tristan as the gangster boss and busty Shy Love tossed in for a sex filler sequence, but this hardly makes the cut of an Adam & Eve romantic feature for couples. It's so bad it doesn't even qualify for A & E's late, unlamented grade-Z label named Bad Seed.

Story is sort of knitted together by endlessly repeated shots of the two girls sunbathing, with Bree's breathless voice-over filling us in on what's going on. Referring to their confederate in crime (played by Dane Cross before he got hooked on humping MILFs for a living) who's nicknamed Monkey, she tells us she's received a post card from Pitcairn Island that reads: "Coconuts are great, but I'm still going apeshit". Definitely words to live by.